Chapter 41 Chapter 41
Suki whimpered, feeling Brendan’s teeth drag against her neck as he pulled himself back and stood straight. His eyes slowly widened, and he forced himself to move away from her. It appeared as if he was fighting against an invisible force.
There was no blood on his mouth. She touched her neck and checked her fingers after feeling no moisture. He didn’t mark her. He stopped himself just in time and bit her with his human teeth.
Her body slumped she knelt to the ground with her back pressed against the wall. Suki let herself sob in relief as she gripped her neck.
“I-I’m sorry,” Brendan whispered. “I… I didn’t want to do that. It was,” he shook his head. “All the talk of my past and how I felt about you – thinking about how I feel about you…” He groaned.
Suki sniffled, “It’s okay, you stopped yourself. You didn’t mean to.” She pushed herself to her feet and took a step towards him.
“Don’t!” he yelled, stepping back and holding a hand out. He ran his fingers through his hair and snarled, “You need to leave. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to hold myself back. I don’t want to hurt you.”
More puffs of smoke and shadows were emitted from his shoulders. It was like a physical representation of his emotions, overflowing out of him and begging to be released.
She knew she should listen to his words. He was dangerous on a regular day, in control of his power, but now, with minimal control over himself, he was an even bigger threat. “I want to help you.”
“Then leave, please.” He groaned again, dropping to his knees and gripping his chest as the pain of his overflowing power became too much, using all his might to fight against his pooling emotions that were begging to be released.
“Brendan!” she said panickly, taking another step closer.
“Love, get out of here before I do something I’ll regret.”
Scanning the room, there had to be something Suki could do to help him. He was hurting from everything happening to him internally. He had to release it slowly before he burst, and it became something a million times worse.
Then she realised she was gripping her necklace, something she hadn’t used since helping Amelia back at Silver Moon. It was a risk; she hadn’t practised nor knew of her control over this newfound power, but her mate needed help.
Marching over, she dropped to her knees right in front of him.
“No!” he barked, slamming his fist to the ground. “Get out of here. I can’t hold it back much longer,” his eyes glistened with tears of pain. “Please, I can’t hurt you. I’ll never forgive myself.”
Suki cupped his face in her hands and smiled. “I’m not leaving you. Let me try to help. I won’t let you be alone through this.”
His lip quiverred, but he nodded frantically, trying his best to hold back his demons.
Keeping one hand on Brendan, Suki took her other hand, clasped the crystal around her neck and focused on what she wanted from the crystal. He wasn’t broken, not physically; he didn’t need healing, but he needed a release to feel the weight of his emotions lift and stop overwhelming him.
As if the magic spoke to her, she had a feeling of what to do. She pressed her forehead against his and spoke softly. “Tell me something, anything, of how you feel. Release one emotion, focus on just one, and the others will settle.”
Brendan could feel the heat of the magic from her crystal as it touched him through her hand. He furrowed his brows, “What is this?”
“I’ll explain later. For now, trust me…” she whispered. “Trust me with one emotion, one thought. Something you never thought you’d get to say out loud.”
He whimpered, “No… I can’t. I won’t be able to control myself.”
It was all starting to make sense to Suki now, why he never wanted to talk to her about himself or open up to her when she was trying to get to know him. It wasn’t just because he didn’t want to reveal his dark past to her, it was because he knew it would release a darkness within him he couldn’t fully control.
Suki hushed him soothingly, “You will. You think releasing your emotions is a weakness, Brendan, it’s not. It’s a strength. You’re meant to feel these feelings, the good, the bad, all of it. Pick one and focus on it with me.”
“Love…”
“Brendan,” she pleaded.
She wasn’t backing down. She wouldn’t. She couldn’t. She couldn’t leave her mate, and deep down she knew it was for the same reason he wanted her to leave for her own protection.
The pain of holding it back was too much, but he had to at least try. “The moment I first laid eyes on you,” he croaked out a murmur, still fighting to push back the dark thoughts lurking in the shadows, “I… I knew you were someone important to me.”
Suki smiled, “Go on, focus on that.”
“I-I don’t know how I knew; we didn’t have our wolves, but I could still feel it. Whatever pull the universe was working on to bring us together,” he bleated, “it started there. I’d spent years pushing that very brief moment we shared out of my head, and the feelings I knew grew attached to it. I thought they were gone until that day, a few months ago, when we bonded. All those feelings came rushing back, and on a new level I wasn’t expecting.” His teeth clenched down on his lip. “Goddess… the way I feel about you. It’s not fair for me to say it.”
Tears streamed down Suki’s face as she choked out a small titter, “It’s okay, you can say it.”
Brendan held her face and wiped her tears away, looking deep in her eyes as he exhaled, “I love you, Suki.”
The coldness emitting from his body dissipated. His shoulders slumped, and he sighed loudly in relief as his body dropped back onto his rear as the huge weight of his shadow magic was lifted off of him, feeling in control of his mind and emotions once more.
Suki wiped away the new tears that fell with the back of her hand.
“That was a stupid risk,” Brendan scolded her as he tried to catch his breath.
A nod. “I know, but I couldn’t leave you like that. You need to know that you don’t have to suffer alone anymore.”
He held the silence and swallowed the lump in his throat. “What I said,” he cleared his throat, “I just want you to know there’s no pressure for–”
“I know,” she smiled. “I know.” Coming to a stand, Suki placed her hand on her temple, feeling the room spin around her. “Whoa…”
Brendan sped towards her and caught her as her knees buckled. “Are you alright?”
“Mhm,” she hummed a groan. “That’s the second time I’ve used that power. I hate to admit I don’t really know what I’m doing.”
The colour escaped from Brendan’s face. “So the risk to save me was even higher. Damn it, Suki. You can be really stubborn, you know that?” He shook his head.
“You rarely call me Suki, I like it,” she tittered, but then a sharp pain panged her head. “Ow. I don’t feel so good.”
He led her to the chair, encouraging her to sit as he knelt in front of her. “Let me get you some water,” he said, turning to leave, but stopped by Suki gripping his hands. He looked at her, confused. “Love?”
“Rey…” she whispered as her eyes flickered and scanned the ground, as if searching for something.
Furrowing his brows, Brendan held her chin and lifted her face. “No, it’s just me…?”
“No. He’s coming.” Suki looked towards the doorway. “I can feel him through the bond. He can feel my pain, I know it. He’s worried and–”
A loud knocking slammed at the front door of Brendan’s home. “Suki!” Reynard called out. “Ki!” The fistful of bangs got louder and louder.
“Angry. I’m sure,” Brendan uttered hesitantly, finishing Suki’s sentence.
One final, loud bang of the door being kicked in, followed by the sound of the wind whistling at the speed of Reynard appearing in the room. A concoction of worry and rage was painted all across his face as he looked at Brendan. “What the hell have you done to her?”