Chapter 63 Guilt and Awakening
POV Damian:
Guilt! I feel guilt every day, every minute, every time I look at Aria. The guilt for what happened to Scarlett is a guilt that will never leave me; perhaps that's the reason I cannot be called daddy by Aria. I am and will remain only Uncle Damian. The first time I held her in my arms, my heart overflowed with love. All I wanted more than anything was to be her father. However, one look at her mother lying unconscious on the stretcher, and I knew I don't have that right. I don't deserve to have Aria as a daughter. I don't deserve to have what I took from Scarlett.
As soon as I got the call from Liam saying she had woken up, I ran. I ran as if my life depended on seeing her, ran with my chest burning from lack of air, ran needing to look into those incredible eyes and ask for forgiveness. Yet my guilt could not come to an end; there is no forgiveness for what I did. That day I cried with regret, cried knowing I took much more than a year from Scarlett. I took Aria from her memories. Scarlett doesn't remember being pregnant, doesn't remember my brothers. If she doesn't remember me, it's a good thing; that way she doesn't have to remember what an asshole I was.
Coming home and looking at Aria smiling at me broke me. I kissed her forehead, hugged her as tight as I could, and went up to my room where I hated myself a little more for everything I caused everyone. Since then, I don't stay alone with Scarlett; my visits to her are sporadic. I don't want to force her to accept me around. I took too much from her; I can't take any more. And so I made a decision: as soon as Scarlett is well and recovers her memory, I will leave. I will go as far away from her as I can.
Being buried in work is the only way to shut off my brain, to shut her out. My feelings are increasingly contradictory. At the same time that I don't want to get close to her, all I want more than anything is to be by her side and not leave for anything. But I force myself to stay away. I know I'm doing what's best for her, what's best for everyone. I force my eyes back to reading the documents in my hands and not think that at this moment the woman I love is in a coma again. Liam told her everything, and it made her collapse. The doctor told us her brain overloaded with the information Liam dumped on her. Scarlett wasn't prepared. The doctor had to sedate her, putting her to sleep. That was four days ago, and since then, Scarlett hasn't returned.
Liam feels very guilty. He thought he was doing the right thing by being honest with her; he never thought it would make her suffer. My brother is forbidden from visiting her. Until Scarlett is discharged and comes to our house, my brother cannot see her, and it's killing him. The only person keeping Liam's sanity intact is Aria; without her, my brother would have already stormed that hospital.
My thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of my phone. Checking the screen to see who could be calling me at this hour, my heart lurches with worry.
"Hello, is Scarlett okay?" I ask anxiously. Seeing the doctor's name flashing on the screen made all my fears of losing her suffocate me, causing immense pain in my chest.
"Damian, she's fine. Scarlett... she's calling for you." My eyes fill with water. Scarlett is calling for me? Does that mean she woke up and remembered me?
"She... She woke up? She remembered?" My voice doesn't disguise my anxiety. I grab my wallet, my car keys, and hurry out the door. I need to get to her as soon as possible. I need to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her and how sorry I am for everything.
"She's still unconscious, but she murmurs your name. It's not exactly 'Damian,' but it's close." My heart is going wild in my chest. "You asked me to call if there was anything new..."
"I'm on my way!" I interrupt him. "Find a way for me to see her. I don't care if it's not visiting hours. I just need to lay my eyes on her." I barely heard the doctor's response and hung up the phone, running to be where I've wanted to be all this time... by her side.
I contemplate her face, and I can no longer deny the desire I have to kiss her. Knowing it's wrong, and not caring about it, I lean over her, savoring her lips. More than a year without feeling the taste of these lips, and they still taste the same. My tongue licks them, and like an addict who has been in withdrawal from his preferred drug for so long, I suck them slowly, enjoying every fucking second. However, what I really wanted to be doing was devouring them to put an end to this endless hunger I've had since I met her. I sucked on her lower lip, then immediately sucked on the upper one. I'm hard, and that's just more proof of what a bastard I am.
"As... Ash..." I hear a low murmur and pull back. Did Scarlett speak? Her hands move, filling my chest with hope.
"You're awake, thank God. I couldn't bear it if you went back to sleep for so long. Four days like that, and I almost died of fear of losing you." I confess my greatest fear and am struck by her eyes opening. The most beautiful sight in the world—this is the most fucking beautiful sight in the world. Looking into Scarlett's eyes is like staring into the vastness of a clear sky, with the brightest sun to illuminate everything around. I am swept away and, not thinking straight, kiss her again. I am taken to a world where only the two of us exist.
"Pa... Pa... Par..." The sound of her voice forces me to pull away.