Chapter 34 The Weight of What’s Lost
POV Scarlett:
Since the doctor left, I’ve been lying here, drifting through thoughts of what I’ll do with my life from now on. Of everything I’ve imagined and considered, my baby is at the center of it all. It’s for him—and because of him—that I’ll do whatever I can. Everything I’ve ever loved has been taken from me. First, it was my father, who found out about me and the Hawthornes. From that day on, he was never the same, no matter how much I prayed every day for things to go back to how they were. Second, it was my ex-boyfriends—I gave them up to be by my mother’s side, and I’d do it all again, even knowing everything that would follow. And last, but certainly not least, I lost my mother. The pain of losing her can’t be compared to anything. And because of that, I refuse to lose anyone else.
Being under the roof of a man I’ve called an asshole countless times, and seeing how much he actually cared for me by taking me into his home, just proves that you really can’t judge a book by its cover. And I refuse to lose whatever it is that I have with Damian—just as I refuse to lose him. I don’t know what’s going through his mind after everything that’s happened; I haven’t seen him yet. But after talking to the father of my baby, I know I need to talk to him too.
After everything I went through with my ex-boyfriends, the last thing I want right now is to get caught up in any kind of conflict between brothers. And now that my father has thrown me out of the house, I could easily run back into the arms of the Hawthornes and tell them the whole truth. Would they still accept me, even though I’m pregnant by another man? Do we still exist?
I close my eyes and caress my belly. I feel so alone. I don’t know where I belong. I need to face the world to make sure my baby never lacks anything. And right now, all I need is for someone to tell me that everything will be okay.
I’m scared. Scared of the future. Scared because I have nowhere to go back to. Scared for my baby. Scared of being alone in the delivery room. Scared that something might go wrong. Scared…
“Hey.”
That voice.
I open my eyes, wanting to smile, because somehow I know I won’t be alone anymore. At least not for now.
...
Ethan and I stare at the small test sitting on the bathroom sink, waiting for the result. He’s holding my hand so tightly that he doesn’t even notice me wince. I hold my breath as the first blue line appears—and in less than two seconds, the second one shows up, fainter but unmistakable.
Pregnant.
I’m pregnant! A new beginning!
I won’t be alone anymore!
I throw myself into Ethan’s arms, and he wraps me up in a warm embrace. I feel his palm press gently against my belly, and emotion wells up in me at the certainty that he’ll be by my side.
“I’m going to be a father,” he says, stroking my belly.
“I’m going to be a mother,” I whisper, my voice trembling with emotion.
We’re so intoxicated with happiness that we don’t even notice Damian standing at the door, watching us—his eyes fixed on our joined hands over my stomach.
(...)
POV Damian:
I can’t remember the last time I felt this powerless.
Actually—no, that’s a lie. I remember it perfectly.
It was the day I left a meeting in a rush because Chloe, my girlfriend at the time, called me from a clinic to tell me she was going to have an abortion. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget the words she said over the phone.
“I’m here to get an abortion. I’m not going to put my career on hold because of a fetus I never wanted. Do you know what this would do to my modeling career? Here’s a hint: it would destroy it.”
I don’t remember much after arriving at the clinic and learning the procedure had already been done. All I know is that I’ll never be able to forget her cold words, no matter how much time passes. I knew it was her body, I knew it was her decision whether or not to continue with the pregnancy. But fuck—she got rid of our baby like it was nothing. And then, a year later, she showed up pregnant by some famous businessman.
That killed me. It still kills me every time I think about it.
And seeing Ethan run his hand over Scarlett’s belly, both of them smiling at the test sitting on the sink, kills me a thousand times more. I didn’t want to admit it, but the truth is I’ve wanted that woman since the moment she called me an asshole and flipped me off. But now… fuck, I won’t stand in the way of my brother and the family he can give her.
And that makes me feel utterly powerless. There’s nothing I can do except step aside.
“Damian?” My brother’s voice pulls me out of the shadows where my memories always drag me.
“Ah, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” I avoid Scarlett’s eyes—I don’t want her to see all my pain reflected back at her. “I just wanted to let you know I’ll have to go to Chicago,” I lie, not waiting to hear what Ethan or Scarlett might say.
I need to get away. I just need space.
I leave the bag of prenatal vitamins on the bed and head to my room to pack my bags.