Chapter 153 Five Cowboys, One Broken Promise
POV Maya:
I’m fucked. Still looking at the Moretti brothers, I try to process every word Sebastian says. They can’t be in a relationship because they made a promise? With every second that the truth of why becomes clearer in my head, I start to understand the reason for their resistance to touching me, to being with me, to seeing me more. I feel like a fool, and I hate feeling that way.
I take a deep breath, not wanting them to notice that knowing the reason we can’t be together is a punch to my stomach. Even though I’m sad, I understand them. I would never get in the middle of their relationship as brothers. I would never make one turn against the other. Family is important. The anger I feel toward this so-called Scarlett nearly blinds me, to the point that I want to know where she is just to ask, what is your problem? Did she really have the nerve to look Sebastian in the eyes and say it was just sex? I can barely look him in the eyes and say pussy. He’s sweet—too innocent, I’d say.
“Maya?” I lift my head, staring at the five brothers who are analyzing me. Somehow they can see that I’m sad. “Are you okay?” Adrian asks, and I nod yes, forcing a smile onto my lips.
“Yes, now everything is clear,” I declare, faking enthusiasm.
“Yes,” they agree.
A silence falls over us. I look back at my plate. The scrambled eggs I made with Mikhail suddenly become impossible to eat; the smell churns my stomach. The strawberry juice Sebastian made for me, once wonderful, turns bitter. Everything has lost its flavor.
Something I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about finally backs me into a corner, making me realize just how screwed I am. Clear as day, I see everything. I’m developing feelings for each one of them—feelings that make me smile just thinking about them, and that now make me sad knowing I’ll never have them. A knot forms in my throat. My eyes burn. This shit is making my heart heavier by the minute.
I know what I have to do, but how do I do it? How do I leave after everything I’ve lived with them? Still, I’ll have to figure it out, because I know myself. I know my delusional heart. My needy side will never understand the brothers’ decision, and that’s dangerous for me. I know that if I stay, I’ll suffer. But I can never leave without asking. I need to go knowing I was always honest with them, that I always gave them every chance to choose me.
“I need to ask you something,” I say, and they put down their cutlery and look at me.
“Ask,” Luca says. I take a deep breath. I’ve never been a coward, and I won’t be one now.
I’d rather suffer knowing the answer than live with the uncertainty of what if.
“Is there any chance you could give me a chance? Give us a chance?” I ask. They look at each other, and it doesn’t last more than two seconds. Sebastian’s eyes lock onto mine, and he sentences our future.
“No.”
I look at his brothers, and they nod, agreeing with Sebastian. I understand them. How could I not? Still, that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
“It’s okay. I needed to ask,” I joke, forcing yet another smile.
I go back to pretending I’m eating so I don’t have to say anything else. I know I won’t change their decision, and I don’t want to ruin what we have. Their friendship will have to be enough for me. One day, it will have to be enough.
...
A few days later
I can’t keep pretending I don’t like them anymore. After the conversation we had fifteen days ago, I stayed on the farm like I said I would. Some things changed, but others stayed the same—like the bond I’ve created with each of them. There’s no more flirting, no kisses, and certainly no sex, but there’s that damn connection that makes my heart race more and more each time.
It’s official: Maya George is in love with five men who don’t want her.
Over the past few days, I’ve been thinking about running away to the mountains, running anywhere just to stop feeling what I feel for them. Last night, Dominic got a call from his parents—they’re coming back in five days, which I thanked on my knees. I need to distance myself from the cowboys for an indefinite amount of time.
After their parents return, I’ll go back to Dallas. Since my friend is going to spend some time at her in-laws’ house—because Hunter, Gavin, and Sean will be away at a championship, as they’re NFL players—I’ll ask her to take care of the flower shop for me. Until then, I’ll manage to talk to Mrs. Moretti and see if she wants to work for me.
I toss pebbles into the water again, thinking that in this very spot the cowboys shared a woman—a woman who wasn’t me, a woman who shattered Sebastian’s sweet heart. My eyes burn. They’ve been like this constantly, and I don’t know why. I called my friend to ask what it could be, and she just sighed on the line and told me she’d be by my side as soon as I set foot in Dallas.
Every now and then, I think about Peter and realize I’ve never been this sad. I was with him for four years, and what I felt after the breakup doesn’t compare to what I’m feeling now—for men I haven’t even known for two months. What kind of madness is this? Why do some people need months to realize they’re in love, while others, like me, figure it out in just a few weeks? What measures the truth of feelings—time or intensity?
I smile sadly, because the answer doesn’t matter. I’ve had both kinds of feelings, and I ended up alone just the same.
I lie down and look at the sky. I wish I had known my grandmother. Maybe she would have loved me. If she were alive, would she have been my family? I’ll never know, unfortunately. I keep staring at the sky and jump when five heads suddenly enter my field of vision. I sit up and look at them as they laugh at my scare.
“Are you trying to kill me?” I ask, standing up. “You don’t do that.” They keep laughing. “It’s not funny.”
“It is funny, little pepper,” Sebastian says, winking, and I almost fall backward.
Does he really have to call me by that cute nickname and wink?
“We came to get you. Didn’t you say you wanted to see Dominic get on the bull?” Mikhail asks, and I perk up.