Chapter 50 Chapter 50
My fingers clutched at the railing. I had come out for air to escape the chaos in my head and now I had walked into another. We stared at each other for a moment,the silence stretching for a while.
"What are you doing awake?" I finally whispered breaking the silence.
"I couldn't sleep" He exhaled.
"Same here. Lots on my mind" I forced a shrug. He nodded like he understood.
"About the other day?" He paused. Heat crawled up my neck.
“That's part of it" He took a slow step towards me making my heart beat faster than normal.
"Ailsa... about that day, I shouldn't have said all that. I shouldn't have” His jaw flexed.
"I let my temper get the better of me" I swallowed, surprised that he’s apologizing. I shouldn’t be surprised because he had apologized before but in this case I should be the one apologizing
"You shouldn't be the one apologizing but I’m surprised you are apologizing?" a rough sound left his throat.
"Don't make it weird"
The corner of his mouth lifted just a little with a faint smile. And somehow a tiny shift eased in my chest.
"I shouldn't have slapped you" I admitted softly, my eyes dropping to the floor.
"No" he said
"You should have. It made me realise that I was being a jerk. I tried to kiss you without your permission" My head snapped up. His expression was unreadable but sincere.
"I deserved it" The words hung there, heavy and quiet. I didn't know what to say.
"I've been thinking about all you said for days and I realized my mistake. I was looking for the perfect opportunity to apologize but I was caught up with something" It was on the tip of my tongue to say Dahlia but I swallowed it. I didn’t want to stir up trouble.
"I keep hurting you and I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt you anymore. All I want to do is hold you" I didn’t want to believe that but I saw the sincerity in his eyes and I was deeply moved by it.
"I'm trying to change, but it becomes worse every now and then. I find it hard to trust people but I want to trust you. I get jealous and angry when I see you with another male but yet I'm the one that keeps pushing you away”
My breath caught in my throat. I was not expecting this kind of confession from him. I leaned against the railing, staring out into the open courtyard, the moonlight shone on us. For a moment, neither of us spoke.
"We should try being friends first" He said and I laughed.
"We've tried that already"
"Yes, we have but it was just for a night. We should do what other friends do. Talk and eat together, train and other things” the emphasis on other things made my body stir. I didn’t know if what I was thinking was what he meant or not.
"I don't know. It's one step forward with you and hundred steps backward. That reminds me, you never answered my question that day"
"That was the reason I kissed you, I wanted you to know that I wanted you and I couldn't make a choice yet. What I feel for you, I don't know how to navigate through it. The truth is I've been hurt before but now is not the time to talk that"
I nodded. I didn’t want to push him to tell me who had hurt him.
I was not even ready to talk about Lorcan and what I have been through in the past.
"Have you been okay these past days?” I almost laughed.
After everything how could I be okay? I missed him.
Chase's sudden appearance, there was no way I could have been okay. But I didn't tell him that.
"I've been trying" I hesitated. His voice softened as he spoke.
"You know you aren't alone right. I'm here if you need someone to talk to"
His word hit far deeper than I thought. My wolf wiggled.
‘Go to him,touch him and tell him you miss him’ she urged.
‘No, Absolutely not’ I ignored her and forced myself to act normal.
"So... we're cool now" He looked at me for a long second before answering.
"Yes. We'll call it a truce"
We exchanged a small shy smile. It felt strange but yet light. We were finally speaking calmly to each other.
"I promise to behave better" He added and I nodded.
I'll be keeping a close eye on him. It even occurred to me to start something but I pushed the idea away. I'll patiently wait for problem to meet me. After another moment, he stepped back.
"You should sleep, it's late" he said
"You too" I murmured. He turned away, paused and looked over his shoulder.
"Good night, Ailsa" My heart fluttered at the way he said my name.
"Goodnight, Lucian" he walked away,the darkness swallowing him.
I stood there for a while trying to steady my own heartbeat before going to sleep.
I had barely gotten used to the sunlight streaming into my room when the door was banged forcefully and Lina barged into the room.
"You're awake" She said.
"Thank goodness, I thought I'll have to wait for hours. We need to talk” I blinked at her
"What? Is that why you're here so early in the morning?" She nodded and paused.
"You look brighter today, you don't have that frown you’ve had for the past three days".
"Lina…” My voice was firm. “Please….”
"Something happened last night right?" She squinted suspiciously.
"Nothing happened"
"Ailsa" I groaned
"Fine, something happened, but it is not serious" Her eyes shone with glee.
"What was the something the was not serious. I want to hear it” She fell on the bed dramatically.
"Tell me everything" I shook my head.
"I told you it's not serious. We just talked" She hummed
"Talked? So why are your cheeks red like it was more than that" I touched my cheeks.
"Oh please Lina" She giggled before suddenly remembering why she came here.
"Oh, speaking of my reason for coming here...who was that man from yesterday?"
I should have known that Lina would never let that slide.
"It was a guard" I forced a casual tone. She frowned
"A guard? But I've never seen him before"
"Well" I said quickly “The pack is big. You don't know everyone"
"I know that I might not know everyone in the pack but I've seen most of their faces but I don't remember seeing him" I sighed.
"I……I don't know about that. You might have not seen him before"
"Ailsa" she said slowly narrowing her eyes. “Are you lying to me?"
"No" I lied “Why would I lie to you?"
"What's his name?"
"I don't know. He just helped me once, it was nothing serious"
"Nothing serious and it looked like he had a lot to say to you?"
"About that, he just needed help with his family. He's having family problems and he thought I would be in a position to help because according to him, I'm close with the Alpha and I could talk to him. It was really nothing serious" Lina studied me for a while.
"Why are you looking at me like that. Have I ever told you a lie?"
"No" She shook her head.
"He met you once and he already needs help for his family? It's not adding up"
"Don't worry yourself over that. I told him there's nothing I can do, so he won't be coming back" She nodded though she didn't look convinced.
I wanted her to forget about it so she wouldn't want to try to find out more about him. I tried to think of something to change the topic to.
"What about the witch? Have you been able to secure with her?" That seemed to do the trick.
"No. I haven't had the chance yet but I promise to do that soon. Are you still having those dreams" I shook my head.
"I've not had them for a while and I hope it stays that way"
We chatted for a while and she brought pastries and everything was peaceful and normal except Chase’s words kept replaying in my head.
Lorcan is destroying the pack. We need you back. Please come back.
‘No’ I said in my head. I wasn’t going back. Life there is over. I reminded myself again and again. I remembered training for today.
“I should get to training” I stood up.
“See you later”
“Later” I murmured squeezing her arm.
The warriors were already gathered when I arrived. The air smelled of dust and sweat. Voices echoed, weapons clashed and the sun was high above in the sky. I took my place silently. I saw the looks some of the warriors gave me but I ignored it.
We started drilling, then we sparred in pairs and practices stance. I was getting better at my stance and I couldn’t be prouder of myself. Although I was in the field, my mind wandered to Chase. My mind was a mess and I tried to focus and breathe then Dahlia showed up.
“Oh look” she sneered, her voice was loud. “The little stray is still acting like she belongs here” I ignored her and kept practicing.
“She thinks she’s special. Acting like the Alpha is hers” my jaw clenched. “She thinks she’s his mate” she said mockingly.
I tightened my grip on my weapon. My wolf clawed at me to let her out but I was fighting control. People glanced at us. Dahlia smirked.
“What should we call her? Rogue? Stray or….” She paused for a while and leaned closer before whispering. “…..whore”
Everything inside me snapped. My hand landed so hard in her cheek that it echoed.