Chapter 142 Chapter 142
AILSA
Darkness.
It wrapped around me thick and suffocating. For a while… I didn’t know where I was. There was no sound. I couldn’t feel any pain. No light too.
Was I dead?
I wondered. Then I felt something tugging at me, calling onto me. It was faint and fragile—like a thread stretched. I felt emotions, I was confused whether it was me…then I remembered.
The bond.
My wolf stirred weakly beneath the surface, restless, uneasy.
‘Get up’
Her voice echoed in a distant.
‘You have to get up’
“I can’t…” I whispered, though I wasn’t sure if any sound left my lips.
I was so tired.
The darkness shifted but it was not gone. It became thinner, like a veil being pulled back. Then there was light. Soft, glowing light. It spread across the void, gentle and glowing, chasing away the emptiness.
I blinked.
The world began to take shape. Grass beneath my feet and breeze brushing against my skin. The scent of something familiar…
Home.
My chest tightened. I knew this place but I hadn’t been here in so long. I took a step forward, my body light. Everything felt peaceful and then I saw her.
A younger version of me, standing a few feet away. My breath caught. She looked exactly how I remembered. A happy and contented child before everything had changed. Before the world hardened me into someone I barely recognized.
“You look different” she said quietly, tilting her head. I swallowed.
“So do you” She smiled faintly.
“I’m who you used to be”
The words settled heavily in my chest.
“I know” I whispered. Silence stretched between us.
“You’re tired” she said gently. I let out a soft, broken laugh.
“That obvious?” She nodded.
“You’ve been fighting for so long” I closed my eyes briefly.
“I just want it to stop hurting” Her expression softened even more.
“I know” My throat tightened.
“Do you?” I asked quietly. “Do you know what it feels like to lose everything? To lose your mate, your home, your child..” My voice broke on the last word.
The air shifted and suddenly, there was another presence. I froze. My heart stuttered painfully.
Slowly, I turned and my world shattered all over again. A small figure stood in the distance. She was tiny and fragile. For a moment, I thought it was my imagination. My breath hitched.
“No…”
But my feet were already moving until I stopped because I was afraid. Afraid that if I reached out, they would disappear. The child looked at me. Eyes bright and innocent. My knees mealy have out. Tears blurred my vision.
“My baby…” I whispered.
I dropped to my knees slowly, my hands trembling as I reached out.
“I’m sorry” I choked.
“I’m so sorry… I couldn’t protect you… I couldn’t…”My voice broke completely.
The child didn’t speak but they stepped closer and somehow it made me more sad. My chest tightened painfully.
“I think about you every day” I whispered. “I wonder what you would have been like… what you would have called me… what I would have been craving when you grew inside me…”
A sob escaped me.
“I wanted you so much”
There was silence. Then…a gentle touch. Small fingers brushed against mine. I froze and my breath caught.
“You’re… not angry?” I whispered.
The warmth deepened. Fresh tears spilled down my cheeks.
“I miss you” I said brokenly.
And then, the world shifted again. The light flickered. The warmth faded slightly and the child stepped back.
“No” I said quickly, panic rising.
“Wait…don’t go…”
But they were already fading.
“No, please…”
“You can’t stay here”
The voice came from behind me. A deep, familiar voice. My heart stopped.
Slowly, I turned and there he was.
Lorcan.
The same man who once held my heart in his hands and shattered it. My expression hardened instantly.
“No. What are you doing here?” He stepped closer, his gaze locked on mine.
“You shouldn’t be here” he said calmly. My jaw tightened.
“And you should be dead”
A flicker of amusement crossed his face.
“You still have that fire”
“I don’t have time for this” I snapped. “Where am I?”He didn’t answer immediately.
“You’re in between” he said finally.
“Not here. Not there.” My chest tightened.
“Then I need to go back.”
“To him?” he asked quietly. My eyes narrowed.
“Yes”
Something dark flashed in his gaze.
“Why do you always choose him”
“I love him”
The words came out without hesitation or doubt. Lorcan’s jaw tightened.
“You loved me once” My chest ached.
“That was a lifetime ago”
“It wasn’t supposed to end like that. You were mine and you still are” he said, his voice lower now.
“No” I said firmly.
“I was never yours. I realized that too late. I was blinded before. The moon goddess chose Lucian for me” His eyes darkened.
“You think he’ll choose you every time?” he asked.
“You think he won’t break you the way I did?” My wolf stirred.
“He already chose me and I chose him too” I said.
The silence after I made that declaration was heavy. Then he stepped closer.
“You’re dying” he said softly.
The words hit me like ice. My breath caught.
“No…”
“You felt it” he continued.
“The weakness. The fading. You stepped into something you shouldn’t have” my hands clenched.
“I’m not staying here. I do not want to be with you”
“You might not have a choice”
Fear crept into my chest but then something else crept into my chest. A pull. It was stronger now.
Lucian.
My heart surged.
“I do” I said firmly. Lorcan watched me carefully.
“And what if going back means more pain?” he asked.
“More loss?” I swallowed.
“I’m willing to take that risk. I’m not giving up on him” I admitted. His expression shifted slightly.
“Even after everything?”
“Especially after everything.”
The bond pulsed again. It was calling to me, it was begging me. Then I heard Lucian’s voice. It was faint and desperate.
‘Stay with me…’
Tears filled my eyes.
“I have to go” I whispered. Lorcan’s gaze softened for just a fraction of a second. Then hardened again.
“If you walk away now, we won’t get another chance” he said quietly. I met his eyes.
“I don’t want another chance”
I stepped back away from him, in the direction calling me. The world began to crack. The darkness was returning but it didn’t feel suffocating this time. My wolf stirred stronger now.
“Go” I took a breath and let go.
Pain.
It hit me all at once. My body felt heavy and weak. My chest rose and fell unevenly as I struggled to breathe. Then I heard distant voices.
“…she’s waking up…”
“Careful…”
“Alpha…”
My eyelids fluttered. Everything was blurry. But I felt it.
Him.
My lips parted. A name formed on my tongue.
“…Lorcan…”