Chapter 103 Chapter 103
AILSA’S POV
When the heat had finally settled between us, the room was quieter and the only thing that could be heard was our breath. My body tingled and I felt sated from the hunger to have Lucian hold me. Even my wolf agreed to that. I was still testing my head on Lucian’s chest listening to the staccato of his heart beat.
“Can we talk now” he said, quietly. “Since we were….very hot for each other and didn’t do that first”
A small smile tugged at my lips remembering the way I jumped him smashing my lips with his. I wanted to blame that on my wolf but even I knew I wanted him too.
We dressed slowly, as if neither of us wanted to rush back into the world waiting outside the room. I didn’t know what Lucian thought but I wanted to remain in bed with his hands wrapped around me. I felt Lucian’s gaze digging into my skin, watching me with familiar intensity that made me feel exposed.
I was suddenly feeling nervous to face him. I didn’t know what to say yet and then I finally turned to face him, meeting his eyes.
“We can’t keep doing this without talking” he murmured, brushing my cheeks.
“I know” I said softly, “But I needed you. My wolf..”
“I felt it. It was a pull we couldn’t ignore” he admitted.
“You went into heat” I nodded. “It’s good you found me early. Can we talk about us now?”
“I’m sorry” I said immediately. “I mean for raising my voice and pushing you away once again” he nodded.
“I’m the person who is at fault. I should have told you about Elara coming to dinner. But I promise you after dinner, I wasn’t with Elara alone. Aiden and others were there”
“I believe you, Lucian. I trust you. It’s her I don’t trust. I just don’t want to be surprised when I see her in certain functions like that. You’ve already given her enough liberty in the pack. She should be restricted to some”
I didn’t want to bring up my other suspicious about her. Especially the one where I see her pushing me off the step, Lucian would end up defending her which would only make me angrier.
“I just need a little more time and this would soon be over” Lucian said.
“How much more time do you need? We still have the elders to worry about” his jaw tightened.
“I’ll handle the elders. I’m trying to settle this properly. I don’t want to make a mistake that would come back to hurt the pack…or you”
“That’s all I’ve given you, time and patience. And I’m running out of it. It looks like one of us would get hurt at the end of this. I can feel it in my bones” I replied calmly but my voice was brittle.
“No…” I didn’t wait for him to speak as I cut him off.
“I won’t be a second chance, Lucian”
I was following Lina’s advice and communicating my feelings. It hurt me to think about being a second chance again after what happened with Lorcan but it had to be said. Although, I won’t be telling him I know how it feels.
“If you want Elara, if some part of you still does then tell me now. Don’t keep me here waiting hoping while you figure out what you feel” his eyes widened, pain flashing through them.
“Ailsa, no. Why would you even think such. It’s you that I want”
“Then why does it feel like I’m competing with her?” I asked softly. “Why do I feel like she’s standing between us?” He let out a breath. I knew what that meant.
“I don’t know what’s happening” he admitted. “I won’t lie to you, the anger I felt when she left seems like it has completely vanished. Some days I feel completely in control, certain I’m doing the right thing. And other days….” He shook his head “Other days it feels like every decision I make is wrong. Like I’m not doing enough”
He’s honesty made me rethink my actions. Maybe I’ve been hard on him when he’s just been struggling.
“Then maybe we need help” his shoulders tensed.
“What kind of help?”
“A witch. Someone who can look into why the bond still tugs at you after all this time. If there’s something…anything still tying you to her, we need to know. It’s unusual for you to feel the bond after a long time”
“There is no need to involve a witch. I’ll fight the bond. I can restrain myself”
“This isn’t about restraint. It’s not just about you too. It’s about me and how this affects our bond. Now, I understand the reason you’ve not marked me since” he looked at me, something flickered in his eyes. Guilt.
“Ailsa…”
“It’s fine, I understand. At least, I don’t have to keep wondering if I’m good enough or not. Truthfully, I’d not want you to mark me when she still has your mark. So it’s better if this is sorted out quickly”
“I don’t want us fighting again. I don’t want shouting and sleeping apart. It kills me when I can’t sleep holding you in my arms. I want us to talk even when it’s hard” I exhaled shakily.
“I’m sorry for that. I’m guilty of shouting and pushing you away, without hearing from you whenever we quarrel. From now on, I’ll try to be calmer and talk softly rather than raise my voice. I promise” he cupped my face, smiling.
“I promise to get this settled quickly and also stop making you feel like you’re standing on certain ground. But I just want you to know, that you are the only woman I want. I might not be good at showing my feelings but you’re always in my heart and no one is taking your place”
I smiled at his confession. He didn’t he say he loved me but I know he felt something for me.
“I love you”
There. I finally said it. It just seemed like the right moment to tell him. His eyes widened.
“You don’t have to say anything. I didn’t say it for you to say it back”
Without any words, he kissed me. A sweet, steady and passionate kiss pouring all his love and affection into it. I leaned into the kiss also pouring my love and all I have to give into it. We pulled apart staring into each other’s eyes.
“There’s something else” his lips curved with something suspicious.
“I have a cabin. It’s not too far from the pack. I figured we’ve not spent quality time alone. I mean run in our wolf form and bond with no guards and no interruption”
“A cabin?” I asked in surprise. This was the first time I was hearing of this.
“Yes. Just us alone for a few days. No work, no communication. A few days to breathe, spend some time alone and remember who we are without anyone watching”
“Yes” I didn’t hesitate to answer. I liked the idea of that. I wanted to go somewhere away from the pack to breathe after everything.
Relief flooded Lucian’s face, he placed a soft kiss on my temples. His lips lingered there for a while.
“I’ll make arrangements. I’ll come find you later” he said. I nodded.
He was reluctant at first but then he finally turned and left. And I was alone with my thoughts.
I took a cloak and decided to get air. The corridor outside felt colder. As I walked, my mind replayed every word Lucian and I had exchanged. The vulnerable look in his eyes as he assured me of his loyalty to me.
I still found it hard to believe that I had said those three words which I promised myself not to tell him until he had said it first. I smiled. I didn’t feel different after saying it, in fact I felt lighter. I had been holding back for too long.
Although, it hurt a little that he didn’t say those words back but I didn’t mind. Just like Aiden had said, he would realize it himself. I just hoped it wasn’t too late when he realized it. I hummed a tune as I walked, happier than I’ve been in days.
That was when I saw her.
Elara stood near a big tree at the far end of the pack house, her back half way turned, her posture relaxed. That’s when I saw she wasn’t alone.
A man stood too close to her. I didn’t recognize him, I couldn’t see him properly from where I stood. His head bent towards hers, they looked deep in a conversation.
My steps slowed. She reached out, her fingers brushing his arms as she spoke. It looked too intimate. I had thought about hiding so they wouldn’t know that I was watching them but when I looked up again, our eyes locked.
Her smile didn’t fade. If anything it sharpened. She turned back to the man whispering something. I turned my back to them, going back to the pack house.
She knew I saw her.
What was she planning?