Chapter 30 — This is not my home

Alexander may have known for quite some time who I really was but he definitely kept his promise about never reading my mind again. Because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be laughing with me right now as we walked towards our meeting place with that agent. No, he wouldn’t be laughing.

I wonder how he’ll react when he can read my mind. Angry? Heartbroken? Sad?

I’m sorry, Alexander but I have to do this.

His phone rang which cut off our conversation. While he answered the phone, I let my mind wonder about memories of the past. They may be very brief and almost fleeting but they mean the world to me.

The moments I shared with Felix in between classes just to talk or read books in the library. The way I always make Clark nervous and uncomfortable whenever I tease him. I remember Andrea and how she never forces me to say what’s going on with my life but she always made sure that I’m aware that she’s there.

Honestly, now that I look back at those days, I think everyone did care for me. At least for Cali. I’m not so sure about Lilian. Or the real me. The cold-blooded assassin. I wonder if Felix or Alexander told them the truth about me. I wonder how they reacted. I wonder if they think of me with so much loathing and spite because of what I had done.

“That was the agent I was telling you about. He said he’s on his way.” Alexander suddenly said, breaking my thoughts.

“We should get going then.” I said as I stood up and quickly brushed a tear from my eye.

“Wait, are you okay?”

“I’m fine. It just feels weird, knowing that everything will be finally over.” I lied. I know I said I will never lie to you anymore, Alexander. But I have to. It’s for your own good.

“Yes, everything will be finally over.” he sincerely said as he gave me another hug. I tried not to sob as he said those words.

…

“How do I know this is not a trap?” the man wearing a black trench coat said sitting across from me. He had this typical stern untrusting look of a special agent that usually intimidates people but I was unbothered. Seriously, I’ve seen worse.

We met up at this hole in the wall kind of coffee shop. Since it’s morning, the entire place was very busy and filled with customers.

“Agent Franklin,” Alexander defensively said. “Cali would never lie about something like this.”

“Don’t let yourself be fooled, Professor. She had done it once before, right? Who’s stopping her from doing it again?” he bluntly said as he glared at me.

I just stared back at him with an impassive look. I’m not going to give him anything if he doesn’t shut his mouth.

“C-Cali’s not like that.”

“Tell me, professor, why does the right-hand man of the biggest mafia boss would want to bring the entire clan down? She of all people know that they would have her head before she could even say the word Russia.”

“She didn’t have a choice. She was forced to be—”

“Forced? I read her rap sheet for the past year. She was not forced to do anything.”

“I’m not his right-hand man.” I uttered with disdain.

“She speaks!” he sarcastically said.

“If you don’t want it, I’ll just find another special agent and let him have all the honor and glory for bringing down a mafia clan that has been outwitting you hooligans for decades.”

His expression changed. He suddenly looked nervous that he’s not going to get his big break. I stood up and he suddenly reached for my hand. I immediately shoved his hands away with a disgusted look.

“So, you want it?”

“Let me have a look and see if it’s worth my time.”

“It most definitely is.” I simply said as I handed him a thick brown envelope. He gave a signal to one of the waitresses who went up to the door to lock it and drop the blinds. The other customers stopped acting like commoners and all began to take their place around us.

I knew it. The moment I entered the door earlier, I knew that these people were not really customers but special field agents. They’re not really good actors. I even caught one guy’s badge poking out of his pants.

Agent Franklin took a quick peek inside the envelope and raised an eyebrow at me.

“No, flash drive or memory card?”

“Those things can be easily tracked and hacked. That is hard evidence.”

“Are these the only copy? What if they get burned or stolen?”

“Then that’s on your own stupidity, not mine.”

He glared at me before opening the envelope and skimming through it. Every time he turned a page his expression changed. He’s getting excited. I can see it in his eyes despite trying his best to hide it.

“This is more than enough to put them behind bars for a very long time. How did you get this?”

“That’s not important.” I bluntly said. “Just make sure they will pay for what they’ve done.”

“Wait, what’s this section C?”

“That’s where they put all the kidnapped kids for the past years. And it’s still operational. Make sure to prioritize their rescue above all else.”

“You have my word.”

He motioned for the barista to come and when he did, he was holding a black suitcase. He placed the envelope inside before standing up to shake my hand.

“You will be highly compensated for—”

“I don’t need your money. Just do your job.” I simply said without shaking his hand so he offered it to Alexander who nobly took it.

“Thank you for your service professor.”

“Will you give me a call once those kids on section C were rescued and those men are behind bars?”

“Of course, professor.”

“Thank you so much, Agent Franklin. We have to go now.” Alexander answered as he grabbed his coat.

“Keep it safe. Don’t be stupid. Guard it with your life, all of you. Do not rest until they’re behind bars.” I ordered, making sure to place enough “power” on it to make them obey. They all nodded like obedient dogs before we stepped outside.

…

When we were a block away from that coffee shop, Alexander stopped me from walking and looked me straight in the eyes.

“What was that?” he said with a sullen look.

“What?”

“Your abilities...they’re…”

“Like yours?” I smirked back at him. He looked at me with so much confusion.

“I had to learn it so that I can survive and stand here in front of you today.”

His face looked awestruck before he snorted as he shook his head.

“You’ve done so well on your own.” he sincerely said. “Even back there, you didn’t need me. You were able to perfectly handle it. You’ve never needed anyone, Cali.”

“I needed you before, more than you know.” when I said that his face dropped and suddenly all the pains of the past started to come between us again.

“Cali I—”

“Stop. It’s my fault for bringing it up. It’s in the past. We’ve made mistakes. We have both apologized for it. So that’s done.”

“Cali, I am really sorry for not being there for you, for letting your down for—”

“Alexander,” I calmly said. “It’s okay. I have done so many things to hurt you. We have both caused great pain to each other. But it’s over. It’s in the past. Let it stay there.”

“But Cali—” I didn’t let him finish as I pressed my lips against his. And for the hundredth time that day, I wished time would just stop right then and there. If only time would stop and we could be happy forever.

But like every damn wish I’ve ever made in my life. It didn’t come true. Soon, our lips parted and we smiled at each other before he pulled me to ride a taxi with him. I didn’t care where we’re going as long as I am still with him, I am okay.

He brought me to the Empire State Building and I laughed so hard he started feeling shy about it.

“What in Satan’s name are we doing here?”

“Why do you always have to include his name?”

“Why, you jealous?” I teased back with a smirk as we entered the elevator.

“You afraid of heights?” he said after rolling his eyes at me playfully. “Oh right, I forgot, you’re not afraid of anything.”

“I’m afraid of losing you, Alexander.” I said in a sincere voice that brought worry on his playful face.

“You’re never going to lose me,” he said as he cupped my face with his hands. “My beautiful orchid.”

“I’m not a flower.” I teasingly said as I shoved his hands away and the elevator doors opened.

The view was beyond stunning and the fact that I am standing here with the man I love just made my eyes wet with tears.

“Are those tears?” Alexander teased. “You’re awfully emotional today, what’s the matter?”

“Nothing, these are just tears of joy.”

“You’ve changed over the past year.” he said out of the blue after being quiet for a couple of minutes.

“What do you mean? Like a bad kind of change?”

“No, you’ve grown. You’re definitely stronger and more mature now.” he proudly said as he pulled me closer to him and kissed my forehead.

“I guess so.” I shrugged as I stared at the beautiful tall skyscrapers of New York City.

“You know, Lilian never imagined herself standing at the top of the Empire State Building with the man she loves. I guess things do happen when we least expect them.”

“Don’t you miss your family?” he asked in a sad voice.

“I miss them more and more each day. But I can't just show up at their doorstep after being away for years. I don’t have the strength.”

“I’ll come with you. I’ll hold your hand and I won’t let go unless you say so.” when he said this, I couldn’t bring myself to speak as I tried my best to hold my sob.

After staying there for an hour, we walked around the streets of New York City until our legs were tired and the sun had set. We ate dinner at a nearby diner before heading back to our hotel room.

“You know, Cali, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” he said as soon as we entered the room. “How old are you, really?”

“Younger than you.” I bluntly said as I removed my coat. “And besides, don’t you know that you never ask a woman that question?”

“No, but really how old are you?” I felt him getting closer to me so I immediately turned around knowing that I will find myself only a few inches from his face.

“Why do you keep asking that?”

“So, I’ll know whether I’m allowed to do things I’ve been wanting to do to you since the day we met.” he whispered in my ears with a raspy voice.

“Oh Professor, I’m not that young.” I seductively whispered in his ears.

“Then tonight you’re mine.” he whispered back before licking the lobe of my ear which made my knees turn into jelly like I just fought 10 armed men all at once.

He grabbed the back of my neck as he stared back into my eyes. I felt his other hand slowly moving around my waist and my thigh.

“Tonight, you follow my orders.”

“Yes, sir.” I smirkingly said as he kissed my lips. It was not soft and gentle like before; his kiss was more passionate and hungrier. Lilian would’ve been scared but I wasn’t, he’s Alexander. He will never hurt me.

As our kiss deepened, my knees really started failing me so I kept walking backwards, looking for something to support me. I was able to reach the table near the corner and when he noticed that he immediately lifted my body like I was a soft pillow and placed me on top of it without breaking the kiss. I have never seen him this aggressive but I am liking it.

His lips left mine and as I gasped for breath, I felt his lips on my neck going lower and lower by the second. I had no idea what was going on but I knew it felt good having him kiss me like that. I trust him. There was no single doubt or fear in my mind.

He was able to hastily remove my pants and suddenly I felt a tingling sensation all over my body that made me let out a loud moan. I couldn’t see him because he was kneeling down but whatever it is that he’s doing in my lower region, I liked it so bad I kept on moaning like a mad woman.

Everything was a blur of his aggression and my pleasure as he stood back up and carried me towards the bed. He threw me on the bed like a sack of potatoes and that made me feel excited as he towered over me.

He took off his shirt as he looked down on me with so much desire and longing on his eyes.

“Do you trust me?” he breathlessly asked, to which I nodded in response. “Then spread your legs for me.”

With a wide smirk on my face, I complied to his order like how I would for the rest of the night. After doing it three times, I almost felt as exhausted as when I fought that army of soldiers to protect the school. I stared at the ceiling while we laid on the bed holding each other so tight.

“I didn’t know you wanted to do so many things to me when we met.” I teased which made him let out a loud laugh.

“You captivated me that day.”

“But you didn’t trust me yet, right?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“That’s a lot of dirty thoughts on someone you don’t even know let alone trust. Do you do that with anyone that you meet?”

“No, just you.” he shrugged with a smile.

“Whatever,” I said as I rolled my eyes at him.

“Cali,” he called out to me. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Alexander.” I smiled back before I pressed his lips against mine.

About an hour later, Alexander was sleeping like a log while I was wide awake. I turned to the clock beside our bed and hated the universe for making time fly so fast.

Quietly, I stood up, slipped on my clothes and shoes but before heading out the door I placed the letter I prepared beforehand on the bedside table.

I’m sorry, Alexander.

I felt ashamed and guilty as I walked out that door and went straight to the hotel rooftop. I stood near the ledge and breathed in the cold air of fall as I stared out into the city that never sleeps.

“You’re playing a losing game, Lilian.” a voice from the shadows said. I turned around and saw a disheveled looking man walking with a limp and holding me at gunpoint.

“Now how is that possible when I’ve already won.”

“And what did it take, Lilian? Your own life?! I gave you a chance! I was nice to you from the very beginning! All you had to do was to finish your fucking mission, come home to me and lead the family beside me after a few years! But you had to go on and fall in love with that idiot weak professor!”

“I was even kind enough to let you go back home to your family! All you had to do was to choose me!” he angrily yelled at me as he pointed the gun at my head.

“We were supposed to end up together! But you fucked that all up by snitching to the authorities! For what? For that idiot bastard?! You couldn’t kill him?!”

“Just get it over with, Alexei.” I said as I held back my tears. At this moment, I realized that despite everything that I have been through, I am still afraid of dying. What if there is a God? Will He condemn me for my sins? Will I end up in hell and pay for all the lives I took away? Was that priest telling the truth? Is God waiting for me to repent? And if I do, will He let me in on heaven’s gates?

“Do you think I will let you die that easily?”

“Of course, you will, judging from the state of your body, I say you’re on the run. The FBI caught you at the hotel, didn’t they? I told them you’ll be there. You barely escaped but they are on your tail, Alexei. Soon you will rot in jail. I hope orange is your color.”

“Not without killing you first, Lilian.”

“Then just fucking do it—” I heard the gunshot before I could even finish my sentence. And the last thing that popped into my mind was This had never been my home.

….

Alexander woke up with the rays of sunlight on his face, he reached beside him for Cali and his eyes immediately opened wide when he noticed that the space where she had been last night was empty.

“Cali?” he called out to her. No reply.

“Cali?!” he called out again, feeling a sense of panic rise up in his chest. “Cali!”

He stood up and started searching the whole hotel room for her.

“Cali!” he kept calling out but he was all alone in the room. He went back to the bed and that’s when he saw the white envelope on the bedside table with his name on it.

He ripped it open and read the letter with Cali’s handwriting inside.

Alexander,

I know I said I will never lie to you again but I hope you’ll forgive me for this one last time. The night before yesterday, Ivanov had sent me to kill you, but I couldn’t. And I knew that if I didn’t kill you someone else will just do it for him. I decided to snitch to the authorities hoping that they’ll arrest him in time before he notices that I didn’t kill you and send an assassin to finish you off. I lied to you because I know that you wouldn’t like the price, I had to pay to make this plan successful. By the time you are reading this, I am most likely gone for good. I didn’t run away, Alexander so don’t come looking for me. I have gone to a place where I did my best to prevent you from going to. So please, don’t follow me. I will treasure every single second that I shared with you. I wish we had more time. But like you said I am a girl cruelly played by fate. Maybe in another life, my Alexander. If you do meet me in another life, please say hi and don’t give up on me every single time I push you away. I will love you forever.

P.S. Please give the other letter to my family back in Pennsylvania. They deserve to know what happened to their pumpkin. Take care of them for me.

Love,

Cali

Alexander fell on his knees as he read the letter again with tears on his eyes.

“N-No….N-No...this can’t be, please...this can’t be happening!” he sobbed before letting out a loud scream of pain.

“Come back, Cali, please!”