Chapter 19 — The nightmare after Christmas…

After punishing myself, I made up some lame excuse to Andrea, when she went back to change clothes before getting lunch with everyone downstairs, about having stomachaches so I had to stay in the infirmary. I never went there, instead I hid on the farthest bookshelves in the library, the school librarian went home for the holidays so it is closed but I found a way in. I also managed to shut down the security cameras of the school. I don’t want anyone finding me here.

I stayed there clenching the list with my hand and staring at it with tears on my eyes. This is what I came here to do. The illusion is gone. It’s time to pack up the stage.

It was good pretending to be an average mutant girl who’s just trying to learn to control her powers. It was good pretending not to be an assassin. It was good. For the past month, I felt alive for the first time in years.

But now it must come to an end. Technically it is still Christmas and I promised myself that I would start tomorrow but after what happened earlier. With Professor Alexander giving me this necklace and Felix wanting me to be more open to him but when on both situations I had the urge to let them in, to tell them the truth, to ask their help, I knew at that moment that this dream must stop.

I can’t risk it. I can’t risk their lives fighting my own battles. I can’t.

I stayed there for hours, contemplating on what to do. Thinking about different scenarios of how all of this will end. And all of them lead to bad and heartbreaking endings. The only tolerable one was if I successfully fulfill my mission. At least there, the deaths will be peaceful.

My throat is parched and I could barely swallow my own saliva from dehydration. That’s right, I almost forgot, I am still experiencing withdrawal symptoms. Stupid, why didn’t I bring a bottle of water in here?

I stood up and started heading for the door, on my way out I noticed that it was already midnight. So, I spent almost the entire day, sitting here?

As I was walking down the hall, I suddenly felt the hairs on my nape stand up so I scanned the surroundings. I was about tell myself that it was probably another withdrawal symptom when I saw something in the low wall that separates the forest and the schoolyard.

A dark tall figure with red glowing eyes. I felt chills all over my body as my hands started to shake in fear. It’s back. I cursed myself for leaving my knife in the dormitory. The thing started to sprint towards the school with its glowing yellow eyes glued in mine.

I know I should run but I have been waiting for this since I woke up from coma when this bastard attacked me. I don’t give a shit if I am unarmed. I will take one of its claws and stab it in its chest if I have to but I will not run away from an enemy twice.

And so, I put myself in a fighting stance while glaring at the beast as I took one of the lamps mounted on the wall to be my weapon. After what it did to me, I have done nothing but imagine how I would rip him to pieces and burn its flesh. I have waited for this.

It let out a loud deafening growl that I would never forget before it locked eyes with me.

But all of a sudden when it was a few meters away from the window, it leaped towards the second floor. I ran to the stairs and waited for the sound of glass window breaking to know where he landed but to my surprise, I heard nothing.

That only means one thing. The rooftop.

I ran as fast as I could taking two steps on the stairs and when I finally reached the metal door that lead to the rooftop, I swung it open and was preparing myself for an attack when the scene before me made me stop dead on my tracks.

Felix’s body was sprawled across the floor while a seven-foot-tall creature with white fur and sharp teeth towered over him breathing heavily.

The beast turned to my direction with a low growl and that’s when I saw its eyes. I may not be expert on animals or monsters but I am certain that its yellow eyes were human.

I charged at the beast but it surprised me again when it leapt out of the railing and into the ground below. I followed it and saw that it ran straight to the forest again. I let out a loud yell of anger as I punched the railing with my right hand.

Then I remembered Felix.

I ran to his body and started looking for any wounds or signs of blood. There weren’t any.

“Felix! Felix! Hey! Wake up!” I said as I slapped his face thrice but he remained unconscious. I took his pulse and his heartbeat seemed normal.

I opened his mouth to smell for the scent of almond inside but fortunately all I did smell was hot chocolate. So, he wasn’t poisoned with cyanide.

I guess someone just laced his drink. But why?

That’s when I noticed his right hand that was hidden on the pockets of his coat. I took it out and yelped when I saw him missing a thumb.

I searched the pocket where his right hand was and there, I found his thumb attached to a white string with a rolled piece of paper at the end.

With shaking hands and tears starting to form in my eyes, I opened the piece of paper, knowing full well where it had come from.

Calanthe 67.9422° N, 18.5797° E. 31-12. 2300.

Prove your loyalty to Ivanov. Or it will be Alexander Grant’s turn.

Amon

My hands started trembling so bad I almost let the paper be taken by the cold wind. I took it back and read it again.

Tears started streaming down my face, my heart raced against my chest and my stomach churned as the truth dawned in me.

They know.

They know that I was getting too attached into this school.

They know that I was enjoying pretending to be someone else.

They know that I haven’t done my mission when I had every opportunity to do so.

Then the beast that attacked me was… it was from them?

But how did they find out?

Amon.

Who the hell is he? Wait, is he my watcher? Tow told me that someone will be watching me from afar, making sure that I will not become a traitor. He told me that every assassin under Ivanov has a watcher.

I didn’t think that it would be someone from the school. I thought it would be someone who lives in the woods or—

You are being absurd, Cali! You knew this could’ve happened, that someone from them is spying on you inside the academy but you chose to ignore it because you were having too much fun in your dream! The demons in my head said which made me hate myself even more.

What am I going to do?!

Wait, what am I doing sitting here like an idiot?! Felix is unconscious and missing a thumb!

I grabbed the paper and hid it under my clothes before I carried Felix on my back and walked down the stairs practicing my frantic look. I need to look innocent or else everyone’s lives will be at stake.

I brought Felix to the infirmary with my best innocent, confused and frantic expression. At first, Doctor Collins was irked up by my presence but when I told him what happened he immediately became serious and ordered me to wake up Professor Alexander while he started treating Felix’s wound.

I couldn’t face Professor Alexander at this moment so I headed straight to James Corvort’s office to tell him what happened. He simply nodded and told me to go back to the infirmary and be there for Felix while he calls Professor Alexander.

And I followed his order, my mind still in shock for the piece of paper that is now weighing like a brick on my coat pocket. I’ll deal with this tomorrow. For now, I have to make sure that Felix is okay. One painful thing at a time.

The infirmary is locked which means Doctor Collins is doing something serious inside. So, I decided to pace the hallway.

I highly doubt that his unconsciousness will do him harm but it was his severed thumb that gets me all worried. What if its infected? What if Doctor Collins can’t stitch it back since that thing only happens in the movies? How is Felix going to live without a thumb? Will he hate me for this?

I heard loud heavy footsteps coming from the hallway and when I turned around it was Professor Alexander and James Corvort.

“What happened, Cali?” Professor Alexander worriedly said as he held on to my arms. “Are you alright?”

“Y-Yes I’m fine, it’s Felix that you should be worried about.” I stammered while slowly stepping away from him, hoping that he wouldn’t notice. But he did because he raised an eyebrow at me which I decided to ignore by talking about what happened.

“I-I couldn’t sleep so I decided to head up to the rooftop to get some air and calm my nerves with the view.” I explained. Of course, I can’t tell them the truth. “When I got there, I saw Felix on the floor, unconscious. I ran to him and tried waking him up but he didn’t.”

“Then I noticed his hand which was missing a thumb,” I said without holding back my tears. Tears that I’m not really sure where they originated from, after all the things that had happened today.

“So, I carried him on my back and brought him here. Doctor Collins told me to come get you two.” I said as my voice started to break. “I don’t know what’s happening inside.”

“Cali,” Professor Alexander said as he pulled me into a hug. I know I should push him away but I couldn’t. After reading that note, I couldn’t resist the urge of hugging him tightly as well.

I silently cried on his chest as I tightened my hug around him. I don’t even know the reason for this sad, longing, painful, anxious and miserable feeling in my chest. All I know is that I have to let out.

He slowly pulled away from me which made my body feel like it was missing something. I didn’t want to let go but I knew I had to.

“We will talk later.” He whispered in my ear before he told James Corvort to open the door with his key and they both entered inside.

I felt myself sunk to the ground and hugged my knees to my chest.

I am so scared. I have no idea what to do.

At that moment I realized I have never felt more helpless, alone and scared.

An hour or so later, Professor Alexander stepped out of the infirmary with a worried expression on his face.

“How is he?” I hastily asked as I stood back up.

“He’s fine,” he said with a relieved face. “Doctor Collins was able to stitch his thumb back. Fortunately, it hasn’t been that long since it was severed when you found him.”

“That’s good to hear.” I said as a surge of relief washed down my body. “Can I see him?

“He’s still unconscious. Doctor Collins said he was injected with a high dose of tranquilizer. He’s going to be out for a while.”

I simply nodded before I started to walk away.

“Cali, wait.” He called out to me, this time I turned back. “Let’s talk.”

“What do you want to talk about, Professor Alexander?”

“Where were you?” he said, his voice filled with concern and confusion. “After I gave you my gift, I never saw you again. Miss Crimson said you had a stomachache but you weren’t in the infirmary.”

“I was at the library.” I said with a shrug before I started to walk away again. “Is that it, professor? Because I’m really exhausted and I—"

“Wait, library?” he pulled my arm to stop me from leaving. “Cali, what is going on with you? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, professor.”

“Are you avoiding me?”

“If I’m avoiding you then I wouldn’t be standing here talking to you.”

“Cali, what’s wrong? Please tell me.” he desperately pleaded. “I told you to have a little faith in me, didn’t I?”

“You said you’ll do anything that I ask you to do when I win. And I won, right?”

“Cali, this is not the time to bring up that stupid deal. So, please just—”

“No, this is the perfect time. I want my reward right now, Professor Alexander.” I demanded. “Here’s what I want you to do. Stay the hell away from me.”

He nervously chuckled, thinking it was a joke, but when he saw the serious look that I was giving him he was stupefied.

“Cali, you can’t be serious, it was only a stupid game!” he exclaimed still trying to make this into a joke by chuckling.

“No, I’m serious, Professor Alexander. Stay away from me.”

“But—”

“But what? You won’t do it? We made a deal, right? And a deal is basically a promise. You said it yourself you never break your promises. How can I trust you when you can’t even do something this small and easy?”

“Small and easy?!” he exclaimed in an exasperated tone. “How is staying away from you small and easy?! Cali, I can’t do that!”

“You can,” I bluntly said. “You just won’t because that would mean that you have failed in trying to save this lost little lamb. You won’t because you can’t admit to yourself that you’re wrong, that not everyone can be saved and that not everyone is your project to rebuild and fix.”

“Cali, how many times do I have to tell you? You are not a project to me—”

“Then why are you treating me like one?!” I bellowed at him. “Just stay away from me, Professor Alexander before I hurt you.”

“Cali, you can’t hurt me—” he said as he walked towards me.

“Just stay away!” I screamed in anger. My emotions were so strong that all the lamps on the wall turned off as the bulbs inside exploded into pieces.

…

I went back to my dorm room and stared at the ceiling. What am I going to do now?

Fear started crippling around my heart as I let the idea of causing Professor Alexander’s death. They sent me a message. I was lucky that they didn’t kill Felix. They were only sending a message; it is Professor Alexander that they want dead. It is Professor Alexander’s life that they are putting on the line to get me to comply.

I don’t want him to die.

The first line on the message meant the exact time and place that they want me to kill someone. Who’s going to come to the school gates at exactly 11:00 pm on December 31?

And why do they want me to kill whoever it is?

No, the real question is, will I be able to kill that person? What if it’s Professor Alexander? What if it’s Felix or Andrea? What if it’s Harry or Clark? What if it’s anyone from this school? Will I be able to do the deed?

Amon said to prove my loyalty to Ivanov or else Professor Alexander will die. I wonder, if I accomplish my mission as soon as possible will they leave him behind? Will they let him live?

If I do my mission, call it in and get the hell out of here, will they let Professor Alexander live?

If I do my mission, will they no longer force me to kill whoever that person is on December 31?

If I just end things right now, will that be enough to prove my loyalty and finally go back home?

The thought of seeing my family again brought a glimmer of hope in my heart but the things I have to do, the people I have to leave behind, the trails of dead body that I have as I go back home weighed on my heart like a huge block of stone. I can’t breathe.

I thought of my mother’s smile and I felt an invisible bullet pierce through my heart when I realize that I could barely remember it. No. No. Please not her smile. I started picturing the faces of my family again but suddenly like the mist in the forest I saw their images slowly fading away.

No. No. I have to remember.

I have to go home. No matter what. I can’t lose them.

An hour before dawn I changed my clothes into a black tight overall, I grabbed the 2 large glass bottles from my drawer and the tranquilizing kit before heading to the kitchen. As I expected, the kitchen helpers and chefs are back they are all busy cooking the breakfast for the entire school.

They were all too busy to notice I was there.

They were all too busy to notice as I raised the tranquilizer shots on air using my mind and simultaneously shot them all in the neck.

I have exactly 45 minutes to do my mission.

I grabbed the two glass bottles and headed for the stove where the food was still cooking.

A massacre by lethal poison. And saving only the 30 people on the list with the antidote.

That’s what I came here to do. That is my mission.

As I stared at the food cooking on the stove, my mind starting picturing the faces of the 60 students, 25 professors and the 20 other nonteaching staff. I recited their names one by one as tears streamed down my face.

When I got to the names of Andrea, Harry, Clark and Felix, my hands were shaking so bad I had to place the bottles on the countertop to prevent them from falling. Memories that I shared with Felix rushed into my mind like a tsunami wave.

One week ago

“Cali, what are you reading?” Felix said in a taunting voice, we are now in the library working on a report that is due the day after tomorrow. Well, actually, he’s working on the report. I'm just reading a classic Neil Gaiman novel I found on the shelves.

I tapped the cover of the book with my forefinger while I kept reading. “Can’t you read?”

“We’re supposed to finish this report today.” He groaned which made me chuckle.

“Stop stressing yourself over a report, we should just do it on the spur of the moment.”

“Spur of the moment? Cali this is not acting class, this is history.”

“Which is not due until the day after tomorrow, what’s the rush?”

I have always been an uptight and compliant student before so I wanted to try to be different this time especially now that none of this actually matters because I didn’t really come here to learn.

“Do you even know what the topic is?”

“Sure,” I said with a shrug. “History.”

He let out a loud exasperated sigh as he face-palmed himself, something that he always does when he’s annoyed.

“Which part?”

“Uhm...something that happened in the past? About mutants?”

“You’re unbelievable.” He said in an annoyed tone, which is what I have been waiting for since our conversation started.

“Why? I was right!”

“Stop trying to be funny.”

“I’m not trying to be funny. I was right and you know it.”

“Of course, it’s about something that happened in the past, it’s freaking history!” He exclaimed which made the people around us let out a loud annoyed “shh” at us.

I covered my mouth as I tried to suppress my laugh when his ears turned red and he suddenly covered his face with a book.

“S-Stop laughing.” He uneasily said. “Does annoying me all the time make you happy?”

“No, it doesn’t,” I defensively said. “But it sure does make me laugh so thank you very much.”

“But seriously though, do you even know the topic of our report?”

“Sure, I do! I was just messing with you earlier.” I teasingly said. “It was the six trigonometric functions, right?”

“Cali!” He said with an annoyed groan which made me laugh so loud it was my turn to be called out by that humiliating “shh” of the people in the library.

“I think the library lady will definitely kick us out if we make another noise.” Felix whispered as he leaned towards me.

“Library lady?”

“Yeah, the one in the front desk who checks out the books and stuff.”

“You mean the librarian?” I smirkingly said. “Library lady? What are you five?”

“Do you seriously have to point out every mistake that I make?”

I leaned in closer to him so that our faces are only a few inches apart.

“How will you know you’re making a mistake if I don’t point it out, kid?”

“D-Did you just call me kid? I’m older than you!” He defensively said as he moved away his face from mine and crossed his arms against his chest.

“How did you know? I didn’t even tell you my age.”

“Uh-Uhm...it was your face...you look really young.”

“You can’t sway me with a compliment, kid.”

“Hey! You did it again!” He exclaimed but this time he made sure that it was only a whisper.

“Don’t use that tone with me, you ungrateful kid.”

“I’m not a kid, you’re the kid.” After saying this he reached out his hand and ruffled my hair annoyingly.

“You!” I groaned as I pinched the bridge of his nose that made him scream in pain. Obviously, that got us thrown out of the library by the “library lady”.

“Great!” Felix sarcastically said as he held his red nose. “Where are we going to finish our report.”

“The dining hall! Come on, I’m getting hungry.” I said as I dragged him by the hand.

“We’re not there to eat, Cali. We need to finish our report.”

I grasped the sides of the edge of the countertop and started sobbing as more memories flashed before my eyes. The Christmas ball, the snowball fight yesterday and all those boring dull moments in between classes that I spent with everyone here in the academy.

30 people. That’s all I could save. The rest will have to die. The rest will have to—no I will have to kill the rest.

A wave of nausea hit me and I had to vomit at the nearest garbage can. I can’t do it. I can’t. Not to them. Not to him.

I covered my mouth to not make any noise as I continued to sob uncontrollably.

There has to be another way.

I touched the necklace that Professor Alexander gave me and his words echoed in my mind.

“Now, when you wear this, I want you to remember that no matter where you are or what happens there is always someone out here who sees you as a beautiful woman worthy to be saved from all the cruelty of fate and who deserves to be happy.”

Will you still say those things once you find out who I am and what I have put your students into?

Will you still see me the same way, Professor Alexander?

“Faith on people, Miss Calanthe. You need to have faith in everyone.”

They will hate me. Everyone will hate me once they find out who I really am.

“Then start small, start with me. Put your faith in me.”

I grabbed the two glass bottles and started heading to the forest. When I reached the low brick wall, I stared at the two glass bottles on my hand.

I tossed the two glass bottles on the other side and watched as they shattered into pieces and turned the snow around it to liquid.

Fine, I will put my faith in you, Professor Alexander. Don’t let me down.