Chapter 28

Something was going on, but Cosette didn’t know what.

Zachariah Degore had come and gone many times over the next several days, and although she hardly knew him, she knew he was rarely this serious. Oriel reassured her again and again he was coming to spend one-on-one time with him, but she wasn’t sure she believed him. Could it be Oriel’s hand? Iron wounds took much longer to heal than normal wounds for a vampire. And although it was healing, it still wasn’t quite there.

Even more, she had seen him take a carriage to the castle yesterday. He never took carriages. Ever. He preferred to fly.

What wasn’t he telling her?

She knocked on their adjoining bedroom door, but no answer came within. She helped herself inside to find him sleeping, despite the late afternoon. His large blond curls lay against his forehead. His lashes cast shadows across his cheekbones.

She crossed the room and frowned. He was unwell. And it frightened her. He only seemed to be getting worse. His face looked paler. His breathing labored. And she didn’t miss the way he struggled to accomplish even the simplest of tasks, such as sitting in a chair for an extended period of time or picking up a large book in the library.

Yet he always offered her a smile—a smile she could see right through. Something was wrong.

She knelt on the ground beside his bed, resting her chin on the mattress as she reached up to stroke his large, golden curls. His hair never lost its buoyancy. So soft and such a rich, beautiful color.

“That feels nice,” he murmured, though his eyes remained closed.

Her heart jumped, and her fingers paused for a moment before they resumed their stroking. A month ago, she would have been too terrified to do this. But now… She was no longer afraid. Rather, worry simmered in her veins.

“You’ve been asleep for a very long time,” she said. “You are worrying me, Oriel.”

“Don’t be worried. I am tired is all.”

He didn’t appear simply tired, but exhausted.

“What happened with Henry?” she whispered. “What did he do to you?”

He let out a sigh and sat up, now looking into her eyes. “He made me absolutely furious, that’s what. I don’t think I’ve ever been more apoplectic in my life when I found out what he did to you. I feel terribly guilty for it all. It’s my fault it happened.”

She shook her head. “It’s not. How were either of us to know?”

A silent tension formed between them, and she wished to chop it down with an axe. Unfortunately, no axes lay nearby. Instead, they stared back at each other through the fog of tension. His eyes were very blue. Just like the sky…

“I’m sorry,” he finally said in a pained voice as he broke eye contact. “For pushing myself on you that night. I made you uncomfortable.”

Her jaw dropped. Had he thought the awkwardness between them had been his fault? She was the one who turned into a storming butterfly!

She forcibly grabbed his jaw and turned his head to look at her. “I was not uncomfortable. I was flustered. I have a…tendency to unwillingly transform when I get overly nervous. And I’m not able to revert back until my heart slows down. I can’t tell you how embarrassed I was. In no way was it your fault.”

“Really?” His eyebrows furrowed together as if deep in thought. “You were simply flustered? Well, we certainly had a miscommunication there. We might have saved me from getting a good head-bashing otherwise.” He chuckled, his eyes glinting mischievously. Although she wasn’t ready to laugh about it, she was glad he could. He had lacked a genuine smile for days.

He patted the bed beside him, and she bit her lip hesitantly.

“Come on,” he coaxed. “I won’t bite. Though, I can’t say I’m not tempted.”

Cosette blushed from her head to her toes. A love bite… She had heard about them, how they were an intimate gesture between mates. Or at least she liked to think of them happening between mates. She’d heard far too many tales of vampires passing around love bites like inconsequential kisses.

Hesitantly, she crawled onto the bed with him and gasped in surprise as he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer so her head rested on his shoulder. Her heart pounded fiercely at his nearness, but her cheeks heated with pleasant emotions as she dared to wrap an arm around his waist and snuggle closer. This was new territory for them, but she found herself enjoying it. A lot.

She couldn’t stop smiling, so she turned her head into his shoulder in an attempt to hide it.

“I’d rather you not hide your beautiful smile,” he said. “You are depriving me of the pleasure of seeing it.”

“But it won’t go away. I’ve suffered enough embarrassment in front of you.”

“As have I.”

Cosette lifted her head in surprise, though what she hadn’t anticipated was his nearness. Momentarily, she lost her words as his blue eyes ensnared her in the small space between them. “I…um…when have you ever been embarrassed?”

Concentrating proved to be difficult with him this close.

“Too many times to count. When I was rambling in nervousness right after our ceremony. When I caught myself making a lewd comment when tying your corset. When I was too idiotic to figure out what your transformation was, and therefore, I had to reach out for help. There are probably more, but my mind is far too foggy at the moment.”

He let out a breath, and to her discomfort, the motion looked to pain him. She wanted to demand he see a doctor, but part of her heavily suspected Zachariah visited so often for that reason.

How was she supposed to know what was going on if he refused to tell her?

“Would you like to spend time with me in the garden?” she asked, biting her lip.

His eyebrows shot up. “You are asking me to do something with you? The tables have certainly turned.” He chuckled but nodded. “Absolutely, Cosette.”

“I’m glad. Now get dressed and meet me out there.”

As she tried to slip past him off the bed, he cupped her around the neck and pulled her to him, giving her a heart-fluttering kiss. She eagerly returned his kiss but paused with confusion. Something felt different about it.

The kiss broke, and he smiled, oblivious to her confusion. “I will be down as fast as I am able.”

Although she nodded and made her way downstairs—on floating feet—she puzzled over the strange kiss. It had felt different. Not just weaker. But different.

“It’s nothing,” she tried to reassure herself, but she still couldn’t push away her unease.

“Mama!” Leif cried when she entered the gardens, throwing aside a flower he had picked and rushing into her arms.

Cosette laughed joyously and tickled him, no end to his giggling. A fondness for him tugged at her heart.

“I’m not your mama.” She smiled when their laughter died down, patting his cheek endearingly. But I want to be.

“You will be, right?” His eyes widened, and his bottom lip trembled like it often did when he tried to get his way. Unfortunately, it was working.

“First, we must convince Oriel.” She leaned in a whisper’s breadth away, a mischievous glint in her eye. “When he comes outside in a few minutes, give him a big kiss on the cheek. And then look at him with your adorable eyes and give him a flower.”

He laughed excitedly as he disappeared to pick a begonia and reappeared a few moments later, breathing in the scent from the yellow-red petals. Begonias were one of her absolute favorite flowers growing in the garden. Not only did they need little sunlight, but they added a splash of color like drops of fire.

“What about this one?” Leif asked.

“Perfect.”

Cosette put a finger to her lips as she noticed Oriel exiting the estate from the glass double doors leading into the gardens. Dark circles still plagued his eyes, but she hoped spending time outside might help. “Remember, our little secret.”

Imitating her by putting a finger to his own lips, Leif stamped his feet excitedly, hardly able to hold himself back. Only when Oriel smiled and offered a “hello” to each of them did he run forward and throw his arms around his waist. Oriel looked taken aback before he crouched low and returned the embrace. She watched the exchange nervously.

“You seem to be in good spirits today, Leif,” Oriel said.

Leif said nothing—he was more timid around Oriel than he was around her. Still, he offered the most adorable smile she had seen on him thus far and handed the begonia to the still-surprised Oriel. And to top it off, Leif gave him a big, fat, wet kiss on the cheek and ran away in a fit of giggles.

“How’s that for a reception?” He stared after Leif, wiping the spittle from his cheek. “If only you would greet me in such a manner whenever you saw me.”

“You would like me to kiss you as a dog might?”

He twirled the flower in between his fingers. “Especially yes. And throw in a welcoming embrace while you’re at it.”

Her heart pounded, and her timidity threatened to capsize on her. But she had already thought she had lost Oriel once. She didn’t want to revert back to what they had been before they had left for the trip.

No matter how nervous she was.

Her fingers very nearly trembled, but she forced herself to remain calm. “Welcome to my garden,” she said with a curtsy. To her own surprise, she gave him a coy look from beneath her lashes, and she caught him staring. “I am very fortunate you have come this way.” She slid her arms around his neck. He was near enough to feel his breath on her skin. And before she lost her nerve, she kissed his cheek.

Placing his hands on her waist, he sighed contentedly, but she wasn’t finished yet.

“And I am glad we have found ourselves alone,” she whispered in his ear.

His breath hitched, and he seemed about to pull back to look at her, but she hurried and licked his cheek before she laughed and pulled out of his arms, darting out of his reach when he made a grab for her.

“Now that was far too much teasing for my liking,” he laughed, now wiping her spittle from his face.

“Did you not ask me to greet you as a dog might?” She giggled and once again leaped away from his arms as he tried to catch her.

“I did, and now I think I deserve a proper kiss.”

She laughed and gleefully clasped her fingers together. How fun it was to tease her mate. She thought she ought to do it more. “You didn’t get enough upstairs?”

“Hardly.”

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her toward him. She bumped against him and placed a hand against his chest to steady herself. And then he kissed her softly. Sweetly. Her feet danced on a cloud. A cloud of warmth. Of happiness. Of love.

He rested his forehead against hers and sighed. “I think I shall miss you.”

What?

Alarm pulled her away from him. The way he had said it… It sounded like a goodbye. A permanent goodbye. “What do you mean? Are you leaving?”

“No!” He gasped hurriedly, clasping her hand as if to remedy his poor choice in words. “I am simply visiting the castle today. I will miss you while I am gone. I did not mean to distress you.”

Cosette relaxed considerably. For one terrifying moment, she thought his condition might be serious. Of course, he was fine. Vampires were impervious to nearly everything, and she knew he hadn’t received an iron wound to warrant him leaving this life sooner than he should. Honestly, there was nothing to worry about.

As she placed one hand over her recovering heart, he took her other, and they walked through the gardens together. Their silence was comfortable, at least until her heart quickened its pace as she thought of what she still must convince him of.

Leif.

She nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and then returned it again for good measure. Beautiful flowers and greenery passed, but instead of admiring them, she focused on bringing up a difficult topic.

Tension grew—if only on her side—as she opened her mouth and closed it again. And then she opened it once more, but her words immediately fled. How was she to ask such a serious question?

Thankfully, she didn’t have to start the conversation.

“How is Sarene coping?” Oriel asked, swinging their arms gently between them.

“Very well.” She nodded. “She doesn’t want to intrude on your kindness any longer than necessary and is seeking employment within the city.”

“I hope she knows housing her is no inconvenience to me.” He frowned. “She can stay indefinitely if she chooses to.”

Cosette smiled. He was kind and thoughtful. He had shown her time and again his generosity and good heart.

She turned her head to meet his gaze. “Sarene is simply happy to be free from her family and from the cruelties of Mr. Dahl. She is happy to work to earn her keep.”

“I see…” he said, his eyes troubled as if thinking back to the night when he had saved her from Mr. Dahl.

In an attempt to distract him, she said, “Leif is a lovely little boy, is he not?”

Finally, he smiled. “He certainly is. How old is he? Five? Six?”

“Just barely four, actually.”

“I don’t have much experience with children,” he confessed. She stopped to smell a flower in an attempt to hide her nervousness. “I vaguely remember when Laurel had been a child, but it was centuries ago.”

“Can he stay?” she blurted, but then her eyes widened, and her hands flew to her mouth. Her every intention of bringing up the matter delicately had failed in a single moment.

His expression didn’t turn to alarm or shock, which seemed to indicate he didn’t fully grasp her meaning. “Of course, he can stay. Leif can stay as long as he needs to until we find him a good home.”

In a single instant, her heart fell. No, he certainly hadn’t grasped her meaning.

The Chaenomeles climbing up the brick wall on the northern side of the estate called to her suddenly, and she let go of his hand to venture nearer, noticing the red flowers had not yet developed their golden fruit. Their aroma greeted her, and she breathed in deeply, inhaling the fragrant air as she searched for words in her mind. This was not an easy subject to broach. Especially when she and Oriel were not yet fully mated.

What was the reason again?

In all honesty, she kept waiting for him to initiate again, but he never did. She feared she might have done something to make him become more distant, because he had been more distant lately. Was she the one to blame?

Tucking her hair behind her ear, she braved her nervousness to look him in the eye. “And is our home a good home?”

He stopped in his tracks and stared back at her. It was safe to say her intentions now came across loud and clear, as was evident by the shock on his face.

“Y-y-you mean here? A-a-adopt him?”

“Yes.” She nodded resolutely. “I am already in love with him, and I have no doubt he will fit in well. Although it won’t be by blood, he can still be a part of our family.”

“Oh, Cosette…” He sank onto a garden bench and stared at his hands. His face looked drawn and weary, as if he had aged another decade right before her eyes. The look of pain and guilt he gave her caused panic to rise within her. “Now is not a good—”

“Not a good time? But why? Why would it not be a good time? We are both safe from harm. We are both mated. It could take decades for us to ever conceive a child of our own. Plus, I love him dearly. He already calls me mama, and he needs a mama, and I want to be his mama. Please, Oriel,” she begged as she knelt beside him and looked into his eyes. “Please.”

Was she already losing her battle before it had hardly begun?

He didn’t answer for far too long, but his gaze never left hers. “Are you truly asking in earnest?” he said, bringing her out of her worrying thoughts.

“Yes, I am.”

“Cosette.” He released a long breath and leaned forward on his knees. “A child is a big responsibility. We have only just formed a union. What if I am…gone…for work reasons and I can’t be there to help you raise him? What then? I could not face the guilt of leaving you to raise him without me.”

“I think I am up to the challenge,” she said, confused but determined all the same. “But I know you will come to love him as I do. Being a father would be rather enjoyable, wouldn’t you think?”

He quieted, and with his silence came the thrumming of her heart. He was going to say no. And it would break her.

“May I think about it?”

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. It wasn’t a “no.” But it wasn’t a “yes” either. All he needed was a little convincing on her part—and perhaps some from Leif as well—and he might possibly find it in his heart to agree.

She nodded. “Of course. Take all the time you need.”

“Time…” he whispered. “I don’t know how much time.” He rose from his bench. “I’m headed to the castle. If you need anything, please ask Mr. or Mrs. Chaplin. I don’t think I will be gone too long.”

They exchanged no more words as he bent down to kiss her forehead before she watched him climb arduously into a carriage.

Uneasiness filled her as she watched him go. Once again, he took a carriage and didn’t materialize or turn into a swallow. Something was wrong. And if he wouldn’t tell her, she would just have to figure it out on her own.