Chapter Thirty

Jake stood next to me as the council members filed into the hearing room for first Carma’s then Lucinda’s arraignments. In most cases, these hearings would’ve been done the day after the arrest, but because Lucinda had turned into a vampire and Carma had been at the mercy of the SHAP medical and research team, their stability was prioritized.

I was proud of myself. I held my professional mask in place as Carma was led in and asked to sit in the center of the room. This was simply the arraignment, so a SHAP judge would present the charges and ask for a plea. Since Lucinda’s confession stated clearly that Carma had no knowledge of what was going on at Thinner, I didn’t expect her arraignment to last much longer than the reading of the charges if any. Neither should go to trial.

I studied Carma, taking in her tied-up hair and demure black suit. There was nothing “Carma” about her outfit—no earrings, no coffin necklace, no skull brooches. Just efficiency. My stomach tightened.

We went through the opening bullshit, everyone introducing everyone else. Then Judge Murphy, a witch who could sense liars, looked over the file on her computer. “Carma Nicks, you are being charged with transportation of an illegal substance over state lines on January 12th, 2021, where it’s reported that you personally delivered shakes to the first ten members between Michigan and Ohio. How do you plead?”

Carma stood and looked straight at Judge Murphy. “Guilty, Your Honor.”

Judge Murphy nodded. “As this is your first offense and you’ve been vouched for by former SHAP agent Mina Summers, the council sentences you to time served. Make sure to not have a repeat offense, Miss Nicks, or the council will not be so lenient.”

“Thank you, Your Honor,” Carma said.

“And Agent Summers?” Judge Murphy added, “Thank you for your and Agent Robinson’s excellent work. You both will be sorely missed.” She hit her gavel. “Case dismissed.”

Carma and her lawyer, a werewolf who looked to be both forty and sixty at the same time, shook hands and walked out of the room. I rushed out after her. I had to speak with her, had to make sure she was okay. “Carma!” I shouted over the din of the crowd between us. She hesitated before stopping, then looked over her shoulder. Her face was completely blank.

I swallowed hard. Her attorney captured her attention and gestured to a nearby room. She walked in alone and I hurried in after her, closing the door. It was a small, but empty, meeting room.

She looked at me for a moment, then down at her low-heeled black pumps. “This is what they gave me for today. I hadn’t brought anything formal.”

“You look good,” I rushed out. “How are you?”

She gestured to the hall. “Glad this part is over. Terrified for Mom. Not even sure…” she cleared her throat. “It’s a lot to take in.” She balled her fists up then released them. “I mean, I believed in ghosts before all this. And at the festival…”

My cheeks warmed at the reminder of the night we kissed. “Why did you ask me if I’d still…” kiss you “like you if you were a werewolf?”

“I knew something was off,” she admitted. “I’m never tired, hardly sleep, and my heart rate is crazy low. I was afraid there was actually something seriously wrong with me, which I guess there was. I figured if you could deal with some ridiculous notion that I believed I was a werewolf, then you could deal with whatever was actually going on with me.”

Carma laughed once then covered her mouth with her hand, then let it drop. “Little did I know they were real.”

“Yeah.” I picked at my cuticle. “They are mostly pretty cool. I know a few.”

She lifted her shoulders. “SHAP started a support group for all of us.”

“That’s good!” I pressed my lips together. That sounded too overexcited. “I mean, I’m glad you have resources.”

She looked down at her faded manicure. “I know this may sound ridiculous, but I don’t mind. Being a hybrid, or whatever you want to call it.” She ran her pointer finger over her thumb nail. “I mean, except the animal blood thing.” She winced. “I was a vegan before Thinner.”

“You do love animals.”

“Yeah.” She let her hands drop and looked everywhere but at me. “It’s hard to navigate.”

“I can only imagine. You know, I’m always here to help you through it.”

Silence filled the space between us, pushing us further apart. Every part of my body hurt. My soul hurt. Was this what people meant by “lovesick?” This was horrible. Why would anyone ever want to do this?

“The judge said former agent?” Her gaze flashed to my face, but she didn’t meet my eyes.

“I am no longer a SHAP employee.”

“Because of me?”

I shook my head once. “Because of me.”

“Because of us?”

I allowed my silence to answer for me. She looked at the door and shifted, and I knew she was preparing to escape. It took everything I had not to move to her, pull her into my arms, beg her to stay and stop this knife slicing between my ribs every time my heart dared to beat. I wasn’t stupid. Desperate maybe, but not stupid.

“Do you regret it?” she asked.

I ran my hand through my hair. “I regret not being able to tell you sooner. Not discovering what was going on so I could save your mom.” Not holding you every moment we were together.

The corners of her lips turned up as if she heard what I hadn’t said out loud. She walked toward the door, pausing halfway there. “For what it’s worth, I don’t regret it, either.”

I didn’t know how to respond. Whether or not Carma regretted it didn’t seem to change anything. She started moving again, and I leaned forward and put my elbows on my knees, holding my forehead. “I know I lied to you about who I was, I know we met while I was investigating you and your mom, I know everything fell apart in the worst way…” I cleared my throat.

She stilled.

“I can’t imagine what you’re going through. But…I want you to know I never lied about my feelings. I’ve never…said anything I didn’t mean.” I love you, I love you, I love you. Please don’t leave.

“I know,” she whispered.

“I wish it was enough.”

She lifted her hand to the doorknob. “Me, too.”

I knew the image of her looking back over her shoulder with tears in her eyes would stay burned in my brain forever. “What will you do now?”

She pursed her lips. “I have to stay near SHAP headquarters, but I think I’m going to look around for a haunted B&B. Start over somewhere and do something new.”

I smiled even though my chest cracked wide open. “That would be really cool.”

Carma smiled back, a genuine smile, and it was like a battering ram to what was left of my heart. I cleared my throat. “I’ll walk you to your mom’s arraignment?”

She smiled but shook her head. “I need a few minutes alone. But thank you.”

And with that, she was gone. Taking my heart with her.