Chapter Twenty-Eight

Carma’s room was a combination medical suite and safe room, that was doing double duty as a makeshift cell. Jake was outside Carma’s closed door, talking to Paris, my favorite woman from the research team. She was a little older than me, a little taller than me, and had a tan from summer days outside. Grade A eye candy. My “no dating co-workers” rule had prevented me from agreeing to a date when she’d asked a few years back.

“The team of the hour,” Paris said. “I can’t believe you two uncovered an oral-venom distribution site. I can’t even believe one exists.”

I smiled, although it didn’t reach my eyes. “Be honest. Did you get emotional when you found out?”

“Cried a little,” she sighed, then flashed a devastating smile that practically lit up the hallway.

Good lord. I looked over at Jake and saw him blink hard. Paris had that effect on people. “Did you meet with the doctors? What’s going on with Carma?”

Paris’s face turned serious and she adjusted her glasses, then looked at Jake. “You should take this.”

I turned to him. “Tell me straight.”

“You know once the virus enters someone’s body after an attack, we only have a few hours, at most, to save them.”

A chill ran down my spine. “But this is super diluted, right?”

“Yeah. Which buys us time.”

I looked between him and Paris. “But not enough?” I whispered.

Paris looked at her tablet. “Best educated guess without further testing, three months. Maybe six.”

I looked at Jake. “Carma’s been drinking the shakes for a year.”

He nodded. “Yes.” His eye met mine. “We can’t reverse her.”

“But we think we can keep her stable,” Paris added. “We’ll give her a choice as long as she has one, but she’ll never be fully human again. It’s hybrid or vampire or…”

“Door number three,” I sighed. Permanent deanimation. “Does she know?”

Jake nodded. “She does.”

“Can I see her?”

“Technically? No. But Paris was about to show me something on her phone, and we get better signal over by the window at the end of the hall. It will take about ten minutes, which is exactly the same amount of time until security returns from lunch.” He slid his ID badge through the reader and unlocked Carma’s door.

Paris pulled out her cell. “Jake, I have the most interesting thing to show you over by this window.” She started walking in the opposite direction and Jake joined her.

I pushed into the room, smelling disinfectant and soap instead of strawberries. Carma stared blankly at a television hanging from a ceiling, her dark hair in a careless ponytail fraying at the edges. She looked over and froze.

“Is it okay that I’m here?” I asked, barely louder than her heart monitor.

She didn’t respond for a moment, sucking the air out of my lungs. Then she nodded infinitesimally. She looked so young, so fragile in this room. Maybe it was the IV, or the hospital gown, or the hospital bed with stark white sheets.

Here, Carma was completely devoid of everything her.

“I want to ask you how you’re doing, but that seems like a stupid question.”

She brought her knees to her chest, folding her arms on top of the blanket covering her legs. “You know that song ‘What A Difference A Day Makes?’”

“Dinah Washington.”

“It just keeps playing in my head. But…with emo lyrics.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“They told me my mom’s okay. Although she’s a vampire now.” She laughed without humor. Her hand covered her mouth, and she shook her head, then let her hand fall. “A vampire. If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t believe it.”

“I just saw her. She’s adjusted well. She’s safe.” Technically.

Carma looked relieved. “I can’t believe…” She rested her forehead on her arms. “I lost everything today. My family, my job…” she looked up at me, her eyes filled with tears. “You. Or at least the person I thought you were.”

Without thinking too hard about what I was doing, I hurried to the side of the bed and sat on the edge. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now, but can I hold you? Just for a few minutes?”

She pressed her lips together and she frowned but nodded as the tears leaked out her eyes. I wrapped my arms around her, resting my head on top of hers. “I wish I could do something to make this better.” I ran my fingers through her hair as she cried, trying to comfort her with touch instead of words.

“I’m scared,” she admitted a few minutes later.

“You’re not going to go through this alone,” I promised. “The team is going to do everything they can—”

“No, I mean, I’m scared about being a hybrid. And I’m scared to start over without Mom. I’m scared for all the members.” She shifted and I released her. She sat up and wiped at her face with her palms. “And I’m mostly scared that we can’t fix us.”

My eyes stung and my heart pounded so hard in my chest, I could hear it in my ears. “Carma…”

“I know why you did it, and I understand why you couldn’t tell me. But you lied to me, Mina. And those lies had major consequences.” She brushed her fallen ponytail out of her face.

I stood, turning so I was in profile but not brave enough to face her. “I was going to tell you who I was this morning. The secret beat me to it.” I looked over at her, but she was looking at her chipped manicure as if it held all the answers. “Would it have made a difference?”

She bit her lower lip, and my heart splintered a little more. “I don’t know.”

There was a knock at the door and Jake opened it, poking his head in. “Security in two.”

“Coming!” I promised, then looked back at Carma. “Paris and her team will take care of you, okay? Whether you want to stay a hybrid or turn full vampire. I would trust them with my life.”

She nodded.

My chest was so tight I couldn’t figure out how to push out enough air to talk. I rubbed the heel of my hand across my breastbone to try and loosen it. “Carma, I’m only a phone call away…”

Jake opened the door. “Thirty seconds, Summers. Move it.”

Carma’s gaze snapped to mine. “Summers?”

“My real name is Mina Summers.” I turned to her and grabbed her hands and kissed both of them. “And I’m still in love with you, Carma Nicks.”

“I’m sorry, Mina,” she breathed.

Jake wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted me away, shuffling us toward the door. “You’re not getting caught on my watch, Summers. Get out.” He set me down and gave me a gentle shove.

I looked over my shoulder at Carma as the door closed, her green eyes glued to mine. Jake wrapped his arm around my back, and we moved down the hall only seconds before security stepped out of the elevator and we stepped in.

We let the doors close but didn’t select a floor.

“We had a good run, Summers,” he said.

“That we did, Robinson. So, what now?” His eyes met mine and I knew. The fissures in my heart turned into fractures.

Slowly, as if trying to make time last a little longer, he reached out for the elevator button and selected lobby. Then he waited, hand in his pocket, while I turned in my keycard and exited the lobby doors. And just like that, it was over.

Now I needed to go say the goodbye that would break my heart the most.

When I arrived back at my apartment, Sebastian was waiting for me next to the unmarked van. Ghosts could only stay with an active agent, and the moment I walked out the lobby doors of SHAP, my active agent status had been revoked. Sebastian hovered next to me as we walked into my apartment.

“If you knew how this would finish, would you have altered your course?” he asked.

Was it worth it? I closed my eyes for a long moment, remembering the smell of strawberries, the feel of her lips against mine, the sound of her heartbeat as I laid my head on her chest. I shook my head once.

He smiled. “Then it was worth it.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without you,” I whispered.

“You’re going to sit on that ridiculous armchair, you’re going to find something that brings you joy, then you’re going to write me letters so you can remember until we meet again.”

I studied his face, trying to memorize the sharp cheekbones and slim nose. I wished I could take a picture, something to commemorate our time together, something tangible to frame. “Thank you for being the best of friends.”

A woman walked over to us and explained they were ready to begin relocation. She motioned for her crew to give us a moment to say goodbye. Something inside me broke as they walked out.

Reggie stood by my side, openly weeping, as Sebastian took off his top hat and bowed to me as if I were royalty. “Miss Summers, it has been an honor and a pleasure.”

“Sebastian…” I sucked in a shaky breath.

“We’ll find each other again. I promise.”

They wouldn’t tell me where he was moved, as the locations of ghost agents were classified, but I would search the goddamn planet if needed. After all, I didn’t have a job anymore. I had infinite time. And I had Reggie.

Sebastian lingered for one moment more, looking around the living room. “You are the person I love the most in this afterlife. Until we meet again.” He gave me a sad smile before he turned and hugged Reggie. Then, they were gone.

I stood there, unable to do more than suck in sharp breaths through my nose as my fingers and toes went numb. I sank to my knees, unable to figure out how to keep standing. All the air in my lungs, the room, the planet, evaporated. I was drowning.

Sebastian’s words bounced around the room. Would you have altered your course? Yes, everything.

But even as I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, I knew that wasn’t true. Because I would do it all again to go back to the morning after the fundraiser when I woke up in Carma’s arms. The moment I buried my face in her neck and knew I was home.

Right before it all burned to the ground.

Reggie walked through my door—literally—and lay down next to me. “We’ll find him.”

I didn’t respond. I just turned on my side to face him and burst out crying. The dam broke. Years of holding in stinging eyes and runny noses seemed to pour out.

Reggie, who had never seen me cry, ever, gasped and then tried to pat me. His ghost hands went right through. “Being dead es tan tonto.” He sighed in frustration and then started humming.

I nearly choked when I recognized the song. “My Heart Will Go On”?

“Sí.”

I rolled to my back and wiped my face off with my shirt. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Just so.”

We both looked at each other and nearly smiled at the Sebastian phrase. “What am I going to do?” My voice shook with the admission that I didn’t know what to do. “I lost everything.” I turned my head to look at him.

“You haven’t lost me.”

“Who needs humans when I have ghosts, right?”

Reggie smiled at me, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.