Chapter Twenty

I threw on a tank top and shorts, put on headphones, and took off without bothering to stretch. I had to either run or scream for hours, and I was guessing my neighbors preferred running. Two miles in, and I kept going.

Three miles.

Four.

Consciously, I didn’t pay attention to where I was. I only cared about the burning in my legs and the music blaring in my ears. What if I just walked away? What happened then? I pushed myself to go faster, trying desperately to quiet my thoughts.

I would lose Dad, Jake, and Sebastian. What if I gave it all up and lost Carma, too?

I stopped on the corner and leaned against the street sign, gasping for breath and trying to ease a cramp in my side. It shouldn’t be possible to have a panic attack after running six miles in ninety-degree heat, but apparently it was.

I needed to order a Lyft home. I needed to keep running. I needed to drink my body weight in tequila. I surveyed the area trying to figure out where the hell I was. It looked familiar… I was a block away from Carma’s house.

I knew I should call and see if she was even home, but if she said no, I’d crumble right here on the sidewalk. With my heart on my sleeve for the first time in my life, I power-walked to the bungalow at the end of the street. My heart sank when I saw a car that wasn’t hers in the driveway.

I couldn’t bring myself to interrupt, but I also couldn’t find the will to walk away. So I just stood there, hands on her gate, staring at the little pink door.

I didn’t notice the three heads staring at me from the large picture window until Hanelore knocked. Startled, I jumped back and looked up to see Carma, Hanelore, and Elena waving. Well, Carma and Hanelore were waving. Elena was standing there with her arms crossed.

Carma stepped out of view and opened the front door but stayed back from the sunlight. “Hey! Come in. I’m surprised to see you.”

I rubbed the back of my neck and look down at my tattered sneakers. “Honestly, I didn’t intentionally come by. I was on a run and found myself here.”

She placed her hands on her hips. “Mina, if you don’t come in right now, I will be forced to come out there. Even if the sun is still up. You don’t get to bail without a kiss.”

“I’m super sweaty and gross,” I warned, but still walked toward her. How could I not?

The moment I walked in, she caught me by the chin and planted a kiss firmly on my lips. “Hanelore and Elena came by for dinner.”

As much as I wanted to stay and curl up against her body, I definitely didn’t want to interrupt her girl time. “Awesome.” My stomach ached at the thought of going home to my empty place and back to a life where my only friends weren’t talking to me. I leaned in to give her one more kiss, enjoying the way her nearness quieted my mind.

Reluctantly, I pulled back and pointed at the front door. “I was just passing by.”

“I’m like six miles from downtown Applechester. You ran that far in this heat?”

I laughed awkwardly and shrugged. “Accident. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

“What happened?” She stepped in closer, trailing her fingers down my arm.

“Don’t pay any attention to us over here,” Elena called.

Carma and I both turned in time to see Hanelore elbow Elena. “I’m sorry about her,” Hanelore said in a stage whisper, “she’s a middle child.”

Carma laughed, but I shifted back-and-forth uncomfortably on my feet. Elena made it very clear she was not a “Car-Min” fan. Ma-Mi? Min-Car? “Sorry, again, for interrupting girls night.”

Hanelore waved off my apology. “We would’ve invited you, but Carma said you had other plans. Why don’t you grab some water and come join us?”

I hadn’t been to anything that resembled girls night for years, and that’d been for a mission. I didn’t know what one typically wore but sweat-stained clothes didn’t seem like the first choice. “Ah, I really want to say yes, but I’m literally dripping sweat. Why don’t I just call a Lyft, and we’ll reschedule for a different day.”

“I’ve got a better idea,” Carma said. “How about you take a quick shower and I’ll loan you some of my clothes. Then you’d feel better about joining us.”

“Yippee,” Elena mumbled. Hanelore shot her a look.

“We are not the same size,” I mused.

She grabbed my arm and navigated us down the hall. “I wasn’t always this size. I kept some of my old clothes, which might actually be too big on you.”

We entered her bedroom and I stopped. This was the first time I had gotten a look at her sanctuary. Lavender walls, floral floor-to-ceiling curtains, a cream-colored vintage headboard with skull rivets along the edge, and a vintage royal purple love seat with a dragon scroll on top in front of a gas fireplace. Everything was soft, silky, and a little creepy. Just like Carma liked it.

“I want to stay here,” I breathed, running my hand along the curving cream and gold dresser nearest the door. Realizing what I said, I looked at her with a sheepish smile.

“Thank you.” She smiled. “I didn’t think floral was really your thing. You are way more rock ’n roll than I am.”

“Floral isn’t my thing. You’re my thing.”

She flushed. “And you’re welcome to stay here anytime.”

I wanted to push her up against the wall and kiss her, but I refrained. “Thanks. I think…I’d like that very much.”

“Me, too.” She pointed to her bathroom. “You better get in the shower so you can join us. We’re assembling the door prizes for tomorrow.”

“I thought we finished those over the weekend?”

She lifted a shoulder and looked down at her hands. “I just wanted to add a few more things. These donors deserve to be thanked.”

I just shook my head and smiled. “Yeah, alright.”

She walked me through where to find everything I’d need, then promised to leave a clean outfit on the bed.

I was drowning in her scent as I stepped into her perfectly spotless shower. She had strawberry shampoo and conditioner, as well as a strawberry bodywash. Imagining her in the shower, smoothing the body wash over her soft skin, made me ache. My skin would leave burns if someone touched me.

I turned the shower cold. I finished quickly and toweled off, slathering some of her lotion on my skin. I loved when women had amazing body products.

When I left the bathroom, there was a black tank and drawstring shorts laid out on the bed, a stick of travel deodorant next to it, and a water bottle on the nightstand. I smiled at her thoughtfulness. I chugged half the bottle, then put the cap on before I made myself sick. The softness of her blanket brushed the back of my fingers as I scooped the clothes off her perfectly made bed. It shouldn’t have been an aphrodisiac, but the thought of Carma naked, fisting the blanket while she moaned out a curse, was enough to make my breathing shallow.

Deep breath in, deep breath out. Why was I suddenly as horny as a teenager around this woman? Not even around her, around her stuff.

I shook my head and started reciting the people I had arrested, first to most recent. When I had gotten to four years back, the fire in my stomach had settled to a low smolder. I applied deodorant and slipped on the clothes, then paused to look in her full-length mirror. I wasn’t going to win any fashion awards, especially with no bra, but it was a vast improvement from soaked running clothes.

I walked out of the bedroom on the balls of my feet, nerves flooding my stomach. Why was I nervous? It was only Carma and her two friends.

Because I’m too close to the case. I shook my head. I could still do my job.

Maybe it was just because I didn’t really have any close human friends, except Jake and his family. Being an active agent meant weeks or months out of contact with others, and often I couldn’t share where or why I was going. I knew a few other agents in passing, but we were always on the move, or they were cautious with me because my dad held their careers in their hands.

When I walked into the living room, I felt Carma’s gaze slide up my body from my feet to my damp hair. She studied my lips for long enough, I nearly melted into a puddle. I forced myself to look at Hanelore, who was balancing a gift bag on her stomach. Elena handed her a teacup, which Hanelore carefully nestled into a rainbow of tissue paper. Carma took the bag from her and put it onto a plastic container full of identical bags. Cheddar and Lucifer eyed the bags as if they were the Holy Grail.

“There, done.” Hanelore said, handing the last bag to Carma. “You’re not allowed to add anything else.” She shifted and winced, her fist against her lower back.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yep, just super pregnant. My back’s been killing me all day.”

“I’m calling Dr. Grady,” Elena grumbled, reaching for her phone.

Hanelore took the phone out of her hand. “I’m literally growing an entire human. It’s not a comfortable process. I’m fine.”

Carma pursed her lips. “What if it’s back labor?”

“Too early for back labor.”

“Yeah, because babies stick to calendars,” her wife muttered. She brushed Hanelore’s hands away and replaced them, kneading her wife’s lower back.

It was such a simple gesture, yet strangely intimate. I looked away, spying the love seat opposite the couch and sinking down. “Is there anything I can help with?”

“Don’t let her add anything else to those bags!” Hanelore ordered.

I put my hands up in defense. “Don’t touch the bags. Got it.”

Carma rolled her eyes but tucked the last bag in the bin and walked over to the couch, sitting down next to me. She leaned in close, then inhaled. “Mmm, strawberries.”

I laughed softly. “That’s literally what I think about every time I’m around you.”

Elena made a gagging noise. Hanelore laughed. “Remember when we used to be like that?” Hanelore asked.

“We were never that bad,” Elena defended.

“So,” I offered, trying to break the tension. “What does one do at girls night? Haven’t been to one in like a long time.”

“Help Carma out with some wild idea, then watch baking shows,” Hanelore explained.

“Baking shows?” I turned to the television mounted on the wall to see it paused on some new Netflix competition show I hadn’t watched.

“Just because I can’t eat things doesn’t mean I don’t like to watch other people eat them,” Carma explained.

I looked over at her. “You are so weird.”

She winked. “I’m told the more you get to know me, the weirder I get.”

“She’s not lying,” Hanelore added.

She restarted the episode, and I savored the rest of my water while Carma curled her legs under her, her knees pressed against my leg. She was adorable as she watched, getting super invested. She gasped when a contestant messed up, cheered when they succeeded, and teared up when the judges were harsh. I could watch her watch TV all day.

“Oh, come on!” Hanelore yelled as her favorite contestant was eliminated. “I call BS!”

Elena mumbled something in Spanish which sounded ominous. So it wasn’t just me she didn’t like—HA!

When the credits rolled, Hanelore yawned. “Well, we need to go relieve Elena’s folks from babysitting. Paulo is too good at weaseling his way out of a bath.”

“He’s only four. It’s gonna be hell when he’s a teenager,” Elena added. She reached down and helped Hanelore off the couch, then hovered near her as she stretched.

Carma walked them to the door, giving each of them a kiss on the cheek with a promise we’d all get together again soon. Then she locked the door behind her and turned to me with a crooked smile. We were all alone. In a house. And I had no place to be.

I knew if I kissed her right now, I wouldn’t stop. Not for a long time. Yet, it felt right. I knew theoretically I should wait until the lab results came back and we closed the case, but how could I when the woman of my dreams was walking over to me, barefoot, eyes locked on mine?