Chapter 54

Chapter 54
“Are you sure we can’t tell anyone else?” I ask Falkor as I sort through our clan’s records of the last five years. Records proving that we don’t need to merge with any other clan. That we’re self-sustaining and that any clan that requests to join with us would benefit greatly while we stood at a loss. 
“If we tell them now, it’ll create panic. The council will hear both sides tomorrow and give a ruling. It’s best we come to them with something concrete rather than not being able to answer all the questions they’re likely to have.” Falkor repeats the same lines he’s been telling me since early this morning when we started going through the records. I understand his reasoning, but it also feels extremely selfish to leave everyone else out of this. “Hydra, how many times have you faced choices that you didn’t tell me about until after the fact? How many times have you had to use your position as a Beta to hide things from the clan that just won’t benefit them to know?” I look up from my tablet, finding him already looking at me. 
“Yeah, okay.” I finally relent. It’s so easy to forget my position sometimes. Too easy to let my bleeding heart take over before my rational mind can formulate a plan. It’s why I find this position so challenging sometimes. Doing what is best for the clan sometimes means making sacrifices they would never have to be faced with while hoping and praying you made the right call. We work up until just after lunch to get everything together so instead of finding something to eat I go in search of Gina. Finding her lazing in a hammock in the backyard. 
“You look like you’re carrying the weight of the world. Come, lay down with me.” She holds out a hand and I take it as I lay down next to her, my head resting on her shoulder. “When you ran into Hayden yesterday…” She trails of and I deflate. 
“Yes, he was there, he wanted to talk. Can you imagine that?” I bite out, anger rising in me. She rubs my arm and pats my head to calm me down. 
“I think he regrets what he did.” She says and I snort. “No, listen to me. I’m not taking his side. I can look at this from an objective point, so I’m doing that. He regrets what he did, whether it is because he saw you now and realized he made a hasty call or whether he’s been regretting it since the moment you left and is now confronted with everything. He is punching himself in the balls because of it. In saying that, I think you should forgive him. Not to make him feel better, but to make yourself feel better. You’ve been walking on eggshells with Falkor for years because you’re afraid he wouldn’t want you either and it’s all because of this jerk. Forgiving him means cutting off the power he has over you, so you can focus on who comes next. Whether that’s Falkor or not.” 
“I just… He denied me and had the nerve to act like a jilted puppy when I said I’d accept his denial after the tournament. Now he wants to talk? The next time I talk to him I’m breaking the bond and that’s final. Forgiveness be damned.” I mutter, ignoring Gina’s sigh. 
“Okay, no more talking about exes. Where have you been all morning?” I conder lying but I’m not very good at lying to Gina. 
“I was with Falkor, we were taking the time to organize some records.” She nods, accepting the answer for what it is. “I’m hungry.” I tell her after we’ve been laying in silence for some time. 
“Why are you telling me that?” I widen my eyes, blinking them slowly and she sighs. “I’ll go see if there’s anything left over from lunch.” She gets up and mutters something about spoiled people as she walks away. I laugh as I pull out my vibrating phone from my pocket. 
“Hi, mom.” It’s still a little weird having her number pop up on my phone again after all these years. 
“Hi, sweetheart. I just wanted to check in on you.” I smile at her words, warmth spreading through my chest. “Hayden mentioned something about Rancor bothering you yesterday. I wanted to make sure you’re alright.” My mom has always been a straight shooter, not one to beat around the bush and it’s one of the things I love most about her. 
“He wanted to talk, after he agreed to stay out of my way. Thing is, I know exactly what he wants to talk about, and I just can’t mom. Being around him makes me feel wrong, like my entire body is warning me against the danger. Not even my dragon likes being around him, I can feel the unease inside of me.” I don’t even know if my explanation does justice to the feeling inside me.
“Oh, my baby.” I wipe the tear that falls down my cheeks. 
“Gina thinks I should forgive him. She says it’s for me and not him.” I scoff and my mother laughs. 
“Well, she’s not wrong. Otherwise, you’ll keep feeling like this. Hating him is like punishing yourself for something you didn’t do.” I pluck a leaf from the tree and demolish it in my palm. 
“Why do I feel like this mom? I mean, there was a time I would have given anything for him to change his mind and now I can’t wait to be rid of him.” 
“He broke your trust. There is nothing as fragile as trust in this world and breaking that trust between Kin is something that can never be fixed. Especially when your heart yearns for another. You could give him a chance. Save your bond, but if you’re not strong enough to overcome that betrayal it blow up and neither of you will survive it.” I lay look at the sky peeking through the branches of the tree, wondering why this world feels the need to throw all these challenges at us. 
“I might forgive him, one day, but I have no interest in fixing anything.” Especially when I’m not the one who broke anything. 
“Well, there you go. Trusting your heart is never a wrong thing and if your new young man already own it, well, that makes life a little easier, doesn’t it?” I smile, nodding to myself. Our conversation moves on to the ranking and I have to hold the phone away from my ear at my mother’s scream of joy. I only hang up with her when Gina comes back with my food and as I sit with my friend I can’t help but be thankful for my life at this moment. I know there is still a lot that needs to be faced, but it’ll all work out. It has to.