Chapter 76 I like him
Josie’s eyes are still fixed on my throat, her pupils blown wide. She reaches out, her fingers hovering just inches from the skin.
"Please tell me that's some dark, freaky roleplay shit," she says, her voice trembling with a sharp, frantic edge. "Tell me you’re into some questionable kink and I’m just being a prude. Lie to me, Kaden. Please."
"It’s not what it looks like," I say, but the words feel thin and pathetic even to me. I look at her, my vision still blurry. "It's really not like that, Jo. It’s... complicated."
"So you wanted it?" she counters, her eyes narrowed, searching mine for a truth I can’t even define. "It was consensual? You told him to put his hands there and squeeze until you turned this specific shade of purple?"
I glance away, unable to meet her stare. The silence is the loudest thing in the room. Josie’s face goes stony. She turns on her heel, her movements sharp and decisive. “Where’s my phone?” she mutters furiously. “No, actually, forget it, I’m calling Dante and we’re going over to that asshole’s house right now.”
“Josie—”
“What’s the address?” she demands, already storming toward her bedroom. “Tell me where the fuck he lives!”
She starts walking away, her shadow long and jagged against the wall. Panic flares in my chest. I rush after her, catching her hand and pulling her back.
"Josie, stop! It’s really not like that!"
"Then how was it?!" she shouts, spinning around to face me, her frustration finally boiling over. "First, I find some random suit in my driveway changing your tire like he’s on a secret service mission. Then you vanish, you don’t pick up a single one of my calls all day, and now you stumble in at”...she gestures wildly toward the window...“God knows what time looking completely wrecked with bruises around your neck?” She shakes her head hard. "No. Absolutely not."
I blink at her tiredly.
“We are not doing this,” she adds firmly. “This isn't us. I’m not standing by while some other stupid guy breaks you. Not happening."
Something in my chest twists painfully at that. Because she’s scared. Actually scared for me. And I’m too exhausted to even know how to untangle any of this enough to make it make sense. I rub a hand over my face.
“Josie,” I say quietly, “please just let me explain.”
She studies me for a long moment. Like she’s trying to figure out whether I’m protecting him or protecting myself from whatever this is. Then finally, she crosses her arms tightly over her chest and jerks her chin once.
“Go on.”
"Can we just... can we go to bed?" I ask, my voice sounding thin, like it’s coming from miles away. "I’m tired."
The fire in her eyes banks into protective embers. She nods once, and I lead the way to my room. The air in here is cool and familiar. I kick off the absurdly comfortable leather slippers Bastian gave me. I crawl onto the bed, propping my pillows against the headboard and sinking into them. Josie grabs a spare pillow, hugging it tightly against her chest as she sits cross-legged at the foot of the bed, facing me. She doesn't push. She just waits.
The silence stretches out, filling the corners of the room. I don't say anything for what feels like an eternity. The thing is... I don't feel like it's right to share whatever the hell happened in that study. It feels too private, like a secret that belongs only to the two of us. Even though Josie is my best friend, how do I even phrase it? How do you explain something you don't understand yourself?
I’m still shaking. Every time I close my eyes, I feel the phantom pressure of his thumbs and hear that chilling, hollow voice. I’m not in the right frame of mind to relive it.
"Kaden," Josie says softly, her voice a gentle tug on the thread of my thoughts. "Talk to me."
I look up at her, I search for a truth to give her... something that can explain why I’m a mess without exposing the darkness I saw in him. And as I consider it, the truth that comes to the forefront of my mind is so unexpected it catches me off guard. It hits me with a physical weight, settling in my bones because I know it's real.
I mutter a curse, dragging a hand over my face. I glance at the wall, Bastian’s face flashing across my mind. I look back at Josie, my heart hammering a heavy beat.
"I’ve fucked up, Jo," I whisper.
"Why?" she asks, leaning forward, her brow furrowed. "What happened?"
I take a ragged breath, the lump in my throat finally breaking. "I like him," I say, the words feeling heavy and dangerous. "I like him a lot."
She stares at me for a long time, her head tilted slightly as if she’s trying to translate a foreign language. The sympathy in her eyes hardens back into that sharp, protective skepticism.
"What do you mean you like him, Kaden?" she asks, her voice dropping into a low, incredulous register. "The man put his hands on you."
"It was an accident," I snap, the defensiveness rising in me before I can even filter it. I hate the way it sounds...like a cliché, like the very thing I’ve warned other people against. "He didn’t mean it."
I look down at my hands, watching them tremble against the blanket. I know how this looks. I know exactly how insane I sound, defending a man whose fingerprints are still darkening on my throat. Josie shifts, the bed creaking under her weight. "How does that even happen, Kaden? You’ve known him for like three days. How does it get to this?"
I shrug slightly, the movement making my neck ache. "I don't know how. It just happened."
She just watches me with a terrifyingly quiet gaze, reading the desperation in my face. It’s the kind of look that makes me feel like a child trying to explain why the stove didn't really burn me even as my skin blisters.
I sink deeper into the pillows, George’s voice suddenly echoing in my head. The "advice" felt like a warning from a man who has spent years cleaning up the debris of Bastian’s life. I know I should listen. Every rational part of me is screaming that I should vanish back into my own world. But I can still taste the wine and the soft, tentative heat of that last kiss.
How do you reach someone who isn't reachable unless he decides to let the drawbridge down?