Chapter 59 You're the first
"You’re overthinking everything. I don't do anything unless I’m sure you want me to...whether you admit it openly or hide it behind that glare. I can read when you’re interested. I can feel when you want me to push further." I lean in, my voice dropping. "And if you say stop? I’ll gauge whether you actually mean it. And if I think you do... I’ll stop."
I pull my hand back, gesturing toward the horizon, where the purple shadows are swallowing the vines. "Look around. Try to shut your brain off. The air out here might actually do you some good. Ease that mind of yours."
He looks out over the vast, darkening land and takes a deep, lung-filling breath...his shoulders dropping as he bows his head.
I start heading toward the hill, I’m positive he’ll follow. I can feel the pull of him behind me. But I only get one step in before his hand shoots out, grabbing my arm and jerking me to a halt. I turn back, my eyebrows raised. He raises his head, his hazel eyes wide and swimming with a terrifying kind of clarity.
"What if I give in?" he asks, the words raw and sudden. "Right here. Right now. What if I finally stop pushing back and just say yes? If I let you have your way... will you finally stop all this? The games, the chasing? Will you take what you want and completely forget about me?"
I stare at him for a long while, the only sound the distant, dying hiss of the irrigation lines. My heart is beating a heavy rhythm against my ribs.
"I don't 'have my way' with anyone, Kaden. Get that?" I ask, my voice devoid of its usual smugness. "If you give in, it’ll be because you want to. And to answer your question... no. I wouldn't stop."
A flicker of something passes through his expression.
"Maybe at the beginning, I would have tried to walk away. But I’m too invested now. I’ve gone too far." I lean down, my eyes locked onto his. "And the truth is, I can tell you wouldn't want me to stop either."
He blinks, the defiance in his eyes replaced by a vulnerability that makes my chest tighten. He looks away like the eye contact alone has started to burn, his voice dropping so low I have to lean in to catch it. "So we're just going to keep doing this, then?" there’s a hollowness to to it that haunts me. "Just... messing around? Indefinitely?"
I study his profile, the way the fading light catches the dampness on his skin. Something about that look, the quiet resignation of it, doesn't sit right with me. It’s a thorn under my skin. It makes me want to reach out and say something. Offer him some kind of assurance, something solid he can hold onto. The problem is, I don’t have anything concrete to offer. I don't have those words. I’m not even sure I know what they are.
So, instead of speaking, I reach out. My fingers find his hand, and I close my grip around it. I don’t overthink it until I’ve already done it. I’m wary of the gentleness I’m using, I know it’s a dangerous thing to offer. It plants seeds.
The way he looks at me now is different. Too perceptive. He sees the softness in my eyes that I haven't managed to mask, and for a moment, I wonder what exactly he’s reading in it...in me.
I clear my throat quietly, the moment stretching just a fraction too long, the sound rough in the silence of the valley. "Do you want me to stop?" I ask, my voice stripped of its usual edge. "Genuinely?"
His gaze drops to our joined hands. He stays like that for what feels like an eternity, the only sound the wind moving through the leaves. Finally, he looks back up, and with a movement so small I almost miss it, he gives a slight shake of his head.
No.
I nod once, a decisive movement to settle the roar in my ears. "The sun's setting," I say after a moment, my voice returning to something steadier. "You should let all those thoughts set with it."
I don't let go of his hand. I tighten my grip just enough to be sure he’s with me and start heading up the hill. It's steeper than it looks, the grass slick with evening dew. His hand tightens around mine as we make our way up. I feel the slight pull, the quiet reliance he doesn’t comment on.
"Your sprinklers assaulted me," he mutters halfway up, the feigned irritation back in his voice, though it’s softened by the effort of the climb. "And now you’re making me hike up a hill where it’s definitely ten degrees colder and twice as windy. Do you do this to every guy you bring out here? Is this the standard orientation?"
I feel a subtle smile pull at my lips. I don't look back at him yet. "Is that your way of asking for a head count, Kaden? Because if you're trying to figure out how many guys I've brought here, I’ll save you the detective work." I squeeze his hand once before we reach the crest.
"You’re the first."
He doesn't respond. I catch a glimpse of him as we level out on the top...he’s looking away, his jaw set, but he’s doing a poor job of hiding the small, traitorous smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
We reach the ancient oak, its massive branches groaning softly in the wind. I let my hand slip away from his. The loss of contact is sudden and sharp, but I do it intentionally. I don’t want my actions to be misinterpreted. I don’t want to plant delusions in his head that I’m not prepared to cultivate.
I need the boundaries to remain clear, even if the air between us is anything but...
He walks toward the edge of the rise, looking down at the sprawling landscape, taking it in. The vineyard stretches out below us...rows folding into the distance, buildings tucked between them, the last of the dying sun casting everything in gold and shadow.
"All of this," he says, his voice hardly audible against the wind. "All of it is yours?"
My eyes never leave him. The land expensive and permanent, but it’s the man standing in front of it that has my undivided attention. I reach out, my fingers finding the damp, cool texture of his hair before tracing the line of his ear.
My voice drops into a low, possessive tone, "Every lovely inch of it."
He turns to me. The wind whips his wet shirt against his skin, outlining the tension in his frame. He knows I’m not talking about the acreage or the stone walls. And this time, he doesn't argue the point.