Seventeen

E V E L Y N

I feel terrible about being distant from Lucas these past few days. It's like I'm shutting him out of my life, and I don't know why I'm doing it. It's not that I don't love him anymore, because I do. But something inside me just won't let me get close to him.

Every time I lock him out, it's like a piece of me is breaking off and falling away. I try to tell myself that it's for the best, that I need to figure things out on my own. But deep down, I know that's not true. I need Lucas in my life, and I need him now more than ever.

And then there's Alice. She never fails to drop threatening messages these past three days. She's been relentless, and I don't know how much longer I can take it. Every time my phone buzzes, I'm afraid to look at it. I know that there will be another message from her, and it will be even worse than the last one.

I'm taking everything in, and I can feel myself breaking from the inside out. I don't know how much longer Ican take this constant pressure and stress. Maybe happy endings aren't for me. Maybe I'm not meant to have that fairytale ending that I've always dreamed of. Maybe I'm just meant to suffer and be alone.

But I don't want that. I don't want to be alone, and I don't want to suffer anymore. I want all of this to end, and I want it to end now. I want to be able to hold Lucas and tell him how much I love him without feeling like I'm suffocating.

Sometimes I think that maybe Alice should come back and take her rightful spot as Lucas's wife. Maybe then, our mother would quit pressuring me and let me live my own life. But then I remember how much Lucas loves me and how much I love him, and I know that I can't let Alice come between us.

I want out of this cycle of pain and anxiety. I want to be able to breathe again. But I don't know how to break free from it. It's like I'm trapped in my own mind, and I can't find the way out.

Maybe talking to Lucas will help. Maybe he can help me see things more clearly. But I'm scared to talk to him. What if he doesn't understand? What if he thinks I'm crazy?

I don't know what to do. All I know is that I can't keep living like this. Something needs to change, and it needs to change soon.

I almost drowned myself yesterday. It wasn't on purpose, but it was like my body was trying to tell me something. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even realize what was happening until it was too late. Lucas had to pull me out of the water, and I could see the disappointment in his eyes. It broke every piece of my heart.

I feel so bad aboutwhat happened. I know that I'm hurting him, and I don't want to do that. But there's nothing I can do. I can't control what's going on inside of me. It's like I'm drowning in my own emotions, and I can't find a way out.

After Lucas pulled me out of the water, I went to take a shower. I could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes, and I didn't want him to hear me crying. I turned the shower on and increased the pressure so that the sound of the water would drown out my sobs.

I was standing there, under the hot water, trying to calm myself down when I heard Lucas at the door. He was waiting for me to finish so that he could take a bath. I felt so guilty, knowing that I was the reason he had to wait.

I tried to hurry, but it was like my body was moving in slow motion. Everything felt heavy, and I just wanted to lay down and forget about everything. But I knew I couldn't do that. I had to keep going, keep trying, even if it felt like I was going to break.

As I stepped out of the shower, I could feel Lucas's eyes on me. He didn't say anything, but I could tell that he was worried about me. I wanted to tell him everything, to pour my heart out and hope that he could make it all better. But I couldn't find the words.

Instead, I just stood there, feeling the weight of my own sadness bearing down on me. I knew that I had to keep going, keep trying, but I didn't know how. All I could do was hope that things would get better, that I could find a way out of the darkness that was consuming me.

"We need to talk," he said, his voice serious.

"I don't want to talk," I replied, shrugging off his hand.

"Evelyn, please. We can't keep ignoring this. Something is wrong, and we need to figure it out."

"There's nothing to figure out," I said, my voice cold. "I just need some time to myself."

Lucas looked upset, but he tried to maintain his cool. "I understand that, but it's been days. You won't talk to me, and you won't let me in. I'm worried about you, Evelyn."

"I know," I said, my voice breaking. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to shut you out, but I can't help it."

"Why can't you talk to me?" he asked, his voice softening. "What's going on?"

I took a deep breath, trying to find the words. "It's just...everything. Alice, our mother, my own feelings. It's like I'm drowning, and I can't find a way out."

Lucas's expression softened, and he pulled me into his arms. "I'm here for you, Evelyn. I'll always be here for you. We can get through this together."

I wanted to believe him, but it was hard. The weight of my own sadness was bearing down on me, and I didn't know if I could handle it. But Lucas was right. We needed to talk, and maybe he could help me find a way out of this darkness.

We talked for hours, about everything and nothing. Lucas listened to me, really listened, and I could feel myself opening up to him. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

As the night wore on, I could see the exhaustion in Lucas's eyes. He had been patient with me, but I knew that he was tired. I didn't want to push him too far.

"I should let you get some rest," I said, standing up from the couch. "Thank you for talking to me."

"Evelyn, wait," Lucas said, taking my hand. "I just want you to know that I care for you. No matter what happens, I will always be there."

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, and I hugged him tightly. "Thank you Lucas"

We went to bed that night, holding each other tightly. And for the first time in days, I felt like everything was going to be okay.

I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling the empty space next to me. Lucas wasn't in bed, and I was suddenly wide awake. I got up, feeling thirsty, and walked out of the room.

As I walked past Lucas's study room, I heard hushed tunes coming from inside. I peeped inside and found him on a call. He was talking to Alice.

"I think it's time for you to come home," he said, his voice low. "Evelyn needs your support, and I can't do this alone."

I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. Why did he need Alice's support? Wasn't I enough for him? My insecurities grew, and I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

I didn't want to hear any more, so I ran back to our room and shut the door behind me. I could hear Lucas calling out my name, but I didn't want to talk to him. I felt so alone and vulnerable.

I sat on the bed, feeling the weight of my own sadness bearing down on me. Why was I not enough for him? Why did he need Alice to come back? Was he still in love with her?

My mind was racing, and I couldn't stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. I felt like I was drowning, and there was no way out.

All I could do was cry, feeling the pain of my own insecurities. I needed comfort.

The pain was unbearable. I felt like I had been hit by a truck, but I couldn't even cry. I was in shock. I couldn't believe that he would do this to me.

I should have seen it coming.

I didn't know what to do. I wanted to scream and yell and tell him how much he had hurt me, but I couldn't find the words. I just stood there, staring at him, trying to process what I had heard.

I felt so alone. I didn't know who to turn to or who to talk to. I felt like I had lost a part of myself, and I didn't know how to get it back.

I knew that I would never be the same again. The pain of his betrayal would always be with me, a constant reminder of what had happened. But I also knew that I would survive. I would pick up the pieces of my broken heart and move on, even if it took me a long time to do so.

I couldn't stop the tears from flowing down my face as I lay in bed. The pain was too much to bear. I felt like I had lost everything that mattered to me, and I didn't know how to go on.

I cried myself to sleep, hoping that when I woke up, everything would be different. But when I opened my eyes, the pain was still there, and it was even worse than before.

I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to face the world. I just wanted to stay there, in my own little cocoon, where nothing could hurt me anymore.

But the pain wouldn't go away, will it? It was always there, like a constant ache in my heart. I tried to distract myself, to think about other things, but I couldn't escape the pain.

I felt like my life was over. I didn't see the point in going on if all I was going to feel was pain. I wanted it to end, to just disappear into nothingness.

But then, something inside me shifted. I realized that I couldn't give up, that I had to keep going, no matter how hard it was. I had to find a way to move on, to live my life, even if it hurt.