Chapter 35 – Are you real?

He had so many plans for their future together.

Nang makilala ni Ethan si Ally, alam niyang magkakaroon ito nang malaking bahagi sa buhay niya. Sinubukan naman niyang maging kaibigan lang. But in the end, hindi niya kayang hindi palalimin ang relasyon nila.

He was happy. They were happy. They love each other sincerely. Kaya naman nang iwan siya ni Ally at sabihin nitong yaman lang niya ang habol nito at hindi siya nito minahal kailanman, labis siyang nasaktan.

Hindi niya matanggap dahil akala niya ay ito ang pinakatotoong nangyari sa buhay niya. He felt betrayed and used. He believed that Ally sold their love for twenty million.

Pagkakamali na hanggang sa mga sandaling iyon ay malaking pinagsisisihan ni Ethan. That was their relationship's turning point. Had he fought and saw the truth behind Ally's lies, everything would've happened differently.

But what could he do now? Lahat ng Doktor na nakausap niya, sinabihan siyang isuko na ang babaeng mahal niya. That he should just let her rest.

But every bit of his being couldn't let her go. Hindi pa siya handa. When he said he would be fine if she really had to go, it was his biggest lie. Because the truth was, he wasn't ready to lose her yet.

Hindi pa. Ayaw niya. Hindi niya kaya!

"Ahhhhh!!!!!!" he shouted as he continued to run.

Ang buong facility ng shelter ay malawak. Bukod sa building nina Ally na for leukemia patients, ang ibang buildings ay sa ibang uri ng cancer patients nakalaan. And in the heart of the property was the hospital.

Hindi masyadong state of the art dahil umaasa ang buong pasilidad sa mga donations. Nevertheless, it was a huge help for the less fortunates who are suffering from the deadly illness.

At sa ilang minutong pagtakbo at pagsigaw ni Ethan nang walang pakialam sa paligid niya, he later found himself on the other end of the facility kung saan tahimik na at hindi pa masyadong developed.

There was a park, a small one. Bakante at sakto sa hanap niyang katahimikan.

There, he shouted on top of his lungs as he cried his heart out.

"Aaahhhhh!!!!!"

"Whyyyy?????!"

Napaluhod siya at sinuntok ang lupa. Gusto niyang pakawalan ang lahat ng emosyon niya, ang lahat ng sakit na pumupunit sa puso niya.

He failed Ally! He failed the woman he loves!

He knew he shouldn't have left her alone in the hospital, but just for a moment, he wanted to release all the pain that he had been keeping inside him to appear strong for Ally.

Nang pakiramdam niya ay wala na siyang maisigaw, tulala na lang siyang nakatitig sa kawalan.

So when a voice called his attention and a little hand touched his shoulder, totoong napaigtad siya sa gulat.

"Mama!" A little girl sat in front of him, nakatingin sa mukha niyang tinutuluan pa ng luha. "May problema ka ba po? Bakit ka umiiyak?"

The innocence in her voice and the seemingly genuine concern on her face stopped Ethan from his initial irritated reaction.

The last thing he wanted now was someone to talk to. And yet, he couldn't bring himself to get mad at the little girl.

"Sabi ng mommy ko, kapag umiiyak daw, may problema," sabi pa nito na inosente pa ring nakatingin sa luhaan niyang mukha.

Maamo ang mukha nito. Parang sa manyika ang mahahaba nitong pilik na bumagay sa bilugan nitong mga mata, cute ang ilong at pouty ang mga labi. Naka-pig tails ang kulot-kulot nitong buhok at naka-dress ng puti.

Tantiya niya ay nasa lima o anim na taong gulang ito.

Sa halip na mainis sa panghihimasok nito, Ethan found himself drying his tears as he let a smile escaped his lips.

"Anong problema mo, mama?" tanong ulit ng bata.

"Malaki ang problema ko," he answered, not really planning on engaging the kid into a conversation.

"Ayos lang 'yon," the little girl grinned at him. "Sabi sa akin ng mommy ko, lahat ay lilipas din naman."

Malungkot siyang umiling. Ano ang alam ng batang ito sa pinagdaraanan niya? But he couldn't break her little heart and tell her that not everything that hurts people will pass, could he?

Take him for example, kapag nawala si Allison, hindi na mawawala pa ang sakit sa puso niya. Lumipas man ang panahon, the pain will still linger forever.

"Sabi pa ng mommy ko, kapag may problema, magpray lang kay Papa Jesus. Kasi nakikinig Siya sa prayers. Tapos magiging okay na ang lahat," sabi pa nito na seryosong nakasalubong ng tingin sa kanya.

"Papa Jesus?" wala sa loob na ulit niya.

"Opo! Hindi mo Siya kilala?" Her beautiful eyes grew wide in surprise hindi pa man siya umiiling o tumatango. "Si God! 'Yong nag-create sa heaven at sa earth? Tapos Siya rin 'yong nag-create sa akin at saka sa 'yo!"

Syempre naman alam niya iyon. Actually, alam niya kasi dati naririnig niya ang tungkol sa Diyos. But did he ever stop for a while and get to know Him?

No. He had no need of God.

"When we pray, He listens. Kaya 'yong mga problems natin, sinasagot Niya. Kasi, He never sleeps!"

Ethan looked at the little girl intently. How could she talk about how a prayer could solve a problem? Napakabata pa nito. What did she know about the complications of adult problems?

"'Asaan ang mommy mo?" he asked na umayos ng upo sa damuhan. Gumaya ito at naupo sa harapan niya.

"Nasa heaven na!" sagot nitong nakangiti. And to be honest, he was shocked. "Sila ni daddy. They're both in heaven na," dagdag pa nito bago pa siya makabawi.

Para siyang napahiya sa sarili niya. Iniisip niya lang kanina na bata pa ito at marahil ay wala pang alam sa kung gaano kalupit ang mundo. He was wrong.

She was a strong little girl with a very optimistic attitude. Batang maagang sinubok ng pagkawala ng mga magulang nito.

"Ang sabi nila, magpakabait ako at lagi lang akong magpi-pray. Kasi someday, we will see each other again."

"Hindi ka ba nalulungkot?"

Mariin itong umiling. "No po. Kasi nga po magkikita pa kami someday sa heaven!"

"But don't you miss your parents?"

"Nami-miss. Araw-araw. Pero sabi ni Mommy no'n, 'wag akong ma-angry kay Papa Jesus. Kasi alam Niya ang ginagawa Niya. Mag-pray lang ako always, kasi He listens and He comforts me," paliwanag nito na walang bahid ng sama ng loob ang pananalita. "Anong pangalan mo, mama?" Naalala nitong itanong.

"Ethan. Call me Kuya Ethan. Mama is somewhat too old to address me," sabi niya na ikinatawa ng bata.

"You are old!" tukso pa nito.

"Ikaw, what's your name?" Ethan couldn't believe he was asking for her name.

"Angel po!"

'Angel,' ulit niya sa isip. Bago napailing na hindi makapaniwala sa loob niya.

"Kakantahan na lang kita, kuya Ethan! Para gumaan 'yong feeling mo," sabi nitong tumayo at bago pa niya mapigilan ay nag-umpisa na ngang kumanta.

Ethan couldn't believe it… The lyrics of her song struck his heart big time.

It was about God and how He listens to prayers because He never sleeps. That He actually is working in ways unseen. That He is able, mighty, and faithful.

Pakiramdam niya ay may pumipiga sa puso niya. Hindi napapagod ang Diyos na makinig sa panalangin ayon sa kanta.

But how does one say a prayer? Napaka-alien ng bagay na iyon kay Ethan.

Angel ended the song nang walang anu-ano'y nagkaroon ito ng nosebleed.

"Ay! Sorry po!" Paumanhin nito na iniangat sa ilong ang laylayan ng puting damit nito para ampatin ang pagdurugo no'n.

Napatulala naman siya. The girl did not flinch, nor was shocked or did she cry. Parang napaka-normal dito na makakita ng dugo.

"Here, use this," iniabot niya rito ang panyo niyang maayos na nakatupi. Angel grabbed it at inilagay agad sa ilong nito. "Are you okay?" Nag-aalalang tanong niya na tutulungan dapat ito.

Pero umiiling na umatras ito palayo sa kanya. "Okay lang po ako!" sabi nito na medyo muffled ang boses.

Tapos ay mabilis itong nagpaalam sa kanya at tumatakbong umalis.

Pinanood niya itong umalis as realization hit him.

Cancer patient ang bata. That's why she was there… Angel was sick.

A brave little girl who believes strongly in the power of prayer.

Muling napaluhod si Ethan sa lupa as tears started blurring his eyes once more. Tumingala siya sa langit.

His gaze was met with clear blue skies.

"Who are you?" He asked. "Are you for real, God?" That sounded too weird for him. God.

Kailan sa buhay niya kinailangan ang Diyos? He grew up getting everything he wanted. Material things, to be more specific. Nasa kanya na ang lahat. Wala siyang pangangailangan na hindi kayang sagutin ng pera.

If he wanted something, isang pitik lang ng daliri niya at nasa kanya na. Ganoon kabilis.

Kaya kung sa aspetong materyal, hindi niya kailanman kinailangan na tumawag sa Diyos.

Yet even when he realized that not everything can be bought by money, hindi niya rin naisip na may Diyos pala.

When his parents never cared about him, when Felicity left him for money, when Ally lied to him, he simply thought it was because of their greed for money.

When he discovered Ally's illness and how his money couldn't save her, hindi na naman niya naisip na may Diyos pala. That somewhere out there, beyond the vast sky, there was Someone who could possibly help him.

And a little girl made him realize that.

"Who are you? Where were you all my life?"

Hindi siya sigurado. Hindi niya alam paano siya magsisimula. Ano ba ang dasal? Paano magdasal?

How do you approach a Holy Being?

"Do you know me?" He added, tears streaming down his cheeks as he tried searching for any sign that he was talking to Someone he couldn't see, yet could hear him. "I don't know you… Is that why you're hurting me like this?"

"Why Allison? Why the woman I love? Do you know that she's a wonderful woman? She does not deserve this! She deserves healing. She deserves a miracle!"

Miracle? Then it hit him. Yes. That's exactly what Allison needs. A miracle.

"God, I don't know if I'm doing it right. I'm not sure this is how I should be talking to You. But how should I do it? Where do I start?"

"All my life I have no need of You. I did not ask You for anything. But now, God, if You are real, would You hear my prayer? Hindi ko pa kayang mawala si Ally!"

Tapos narealize niyang masyado yatang demanding ang tono niya. Sa totoo lang, hindi niya alam kung tama ang ginagawa niya at mga sinasabi niya. He wished there was someone who could teach him how to talk to God.

"Please…" He raised his hands while looking up to the heavens. "Hear me out… Dear God, this is new to me. But forgive me if I have not called on you for the past two decades of my life. I am Ethan Montenegro and I do not know that You exist."

"Today, I married Allison Garcia. The woman I love so much. She's sick. And when I carried her," he paused dahil ayaw tanggapin ng puso at isipan at nang buong pagkatao niya ang ibig sabihin ng bigat nito. He had carried her so many times at hindi ito mabigat lalo sa kalusugan nito ngayon.

And Ally's extraordinary weight that day could only be associated with the most painful truth that Ethan could think of, dead weight.

Nevertheless, he did not want to entertain the idea. No. He wouldn't believe it. Allison was alive.

"I cannot live without her. Please, not this soon. Angel said You hear from heaven when we pray. Please, hear my prayer.

Forgive my sins, I'm humbling myself before You. God, please heal Allison. Give her a miracle. I promise to serve You for the rest of my life. Just please, don't take her away just yet…"

He closed his eyes as his face remained toward the sky. With his arms spread open, Ethan could feel the winds gently caressing his tear stricken face.

"I'm sorry for all the sins I've committed. Forgive my shortcomings… Reveal Yourself to me."

Suddenly, an unfathomable feeling enveloped his whole being. He had goosebumps as something so gentle and reassuring seemed to embrace him.

He felt peace. As if all his worries were taken from him. He did not understand it, pero gumaan ang pakiramdam niya.

When he opened his eyes again and was met by Shanna's crying ones, he calmly stood up and approached his cousin.

Nasa bibig nito ang mga kamay nitong pumipigil dito para pumalahaw ng iyak. Kung paano siya nito nasundan doon ay hindi niya alam.

"Ethan," Shanna said, staggering to walk towards him. "Si Ally…"

Bago pa siya makahuma ay lumakas na ang iyak nito. "Si Ally! Wala na si Ally!"