Chapter 44
Mason's POV
I didn't dare to open the letter Julie gave me yesterday. And right now, I'm here in my room, holding onto the letter.
I took a deep breath and opened it; I recognized Raven’s handwriting, and hope filled my chest as I sat down to read it.
\~~~~
My Dearest Friend,
You are one of the most important people in my life, the only one I can truly trust. I hate that, after we’ve been apart for so long, I’ve had to leave.
I hope you’re not too angry with me. I don’t want to abandon you, I’ll be thinking of you always and missing you so much. I just have to get away, away from all this drama.
I don’t think I can handle seeing Mason and Candice together, especially once their baby is born. How am I supposed to deal with that? Seeing him so happy with her, in a way I can never be a part of. Even if I had his baby, I would always be second in his life. When I decided to marry him, I had promised myself that I wasn't going to fall in love.
I only cared about our arrangement, but I realized it was impossible not to love him. I loved him even though he never showed me how he felt about me.
And after he finally said those three words, I lost him. But on the bright side, this time I didn't find out the guy cheated with my sister.
I’ve never loved anyone the way I love Mason, I never thought I was capable of it. But he is my everything… he was my everything. I never thought we would end up here. He threw me out when he had just slept with Candice the night before! He went straight from her bed to throw me out for supposedly kissing Justin! For one thing, I never kissed him. But then he was acting so superior to me after having SEX with Candice!
I can’t live like that, my heart keeps breaking more and more each time I remember someone else was having his child.
I can’t live knowing he didn’t believe me.
He is such a hypocrite! He tossed me aside so easily like I was shit on his shoe.
So I’m starting over again; somewhere, people don’t know me.
I’ve been trapped my entire life by my mother and Blair, and now by Candice. And I just can’t breathe anymore.
Please don’t let me get between you and your brother. You are so close, and there’s going to be a brand new Barrett, and that baby is going to need his or her aunt in their life.
Oh, by the way, I think Emily likes you. You should give her a chance. I know you won't make the first move, after what happened between us. Which I'm sorry for, by the way. But if she ever confesses to you, don't go numb and mess it up. She's a nice girl.
You should also stop being scared of what your family would think if they found out you like girls. I'm sure Mason will support you and not let anyone make you feel bad. He wasn’t the best husband, but he's a good brother and he cares for you.
Take good care of your dad, don't let him get stressed out. I don't know when or if I'll come back but I'm sure it's not the end for both of us. You're always my best friend.
Thank you for being my friend. I am going to miss you so much.
Much love to you always,
Raven
\~~~~
I sat back in my seat, folding the paper in my hands. My heart ached as I realized how much I had hurt her. Raven is so sweet and loving, her heart was pure and warm, and I had hurt her out of some strange sense of pride, even though I had slept with another woman.
She was right.
I am a hypocrite.
I love her, more than anything.
I have to find her, I can't just give up and lose her. If there's one person who knows where she is, then it's my father. I'm sure he knows something.
\~~~~
I rushed to my father's study and walked in without knocking. He looked up at me, his jaw already clenched, knowing I was about to ask about Raven again. He had told me he would get no information from him, and for a while, I had accepted it.
I placed the papers on his desk, and he knew what I was about to say.
“Read it,” I demanded, crossing my arms and waiting.
I watched as his eyes skimmed over the contents of the letter as if he had no idea what would be in it. Of course, it didn’t say anything he hadn’t already expected, so he finished it quickly and laid it on the desk in front of me.
“What do you want from me,” he stated, no question in his voice. “We’ve had this conversation, I don’t know where she is.”
“Cut the bull shit, Dad,” I snapped, raising my voice. “I know that you know where she is. Why won’t you tell me? She’s my wife!”
“And if that had mattered to you at the time… if she had mattered to you at all, we wouldn’t be having this conversation at all, now, would we?”
I let out an angry breath, running my fingers through my hair as I dropped into the chair across from my father.
“I don’t know what to do, Dad, I'm going crazy over here," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “I made the biggest mistake of my life and no one will let me fix it… why won’t you just tell me where she is? You always seem to know everything that goes on around you, and you expect me to believe that you don't know where my wife is?”
My dad sighed, unable to look at me. He shook his head.
“I’m sorry, son,” he said, "I wish I could help you but I promised Raven I would protect her whereabouts. So I can’t help you. You'll have to find her on your own.”