Chapter 1

Selene’s POV.

My mouth hung open as I stared at the positive test result, disbelief and panic swirling within me like a storm. This wasn't what I had hoped for when I impulsively decided to take the pregnancy test. My lips felt dry as I nervously licked them, finally releasing the breath I hadn't even realized I'd been holding. It was real. I was pregnant, just as my sister-in-law had predicted. But how? I hadn't gone beyond kissing anyone since I arrived in this country. I barely even had time to go out!

My eyes widened at the meaning of this. As the shock settled, my mind raced, connecting the dots with lightning speed. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Oh, fuck! I knew whose child I was carrying.

Let's rewind the clock by eight weeks. Scratch that—six months. That's when everything changed. I had been living a routine life, each day nicely planned out. I'm not a control freak, but life seemed to stick to my expectations. At just 18 years old, I had fled my toxic household, seeking solace in college with the aid of a scholarship. It wasn't a full ride, but I was determined to make it work even if it meant high debts. Anything was better than enduring the constant chaos of my mother's fights with my stepfather, where I often found myself caught in the crossfire. For the longest time, their verbal abuse would be as good as it gets.

Now, I understood why my older brother, Kai, had fled our dysfunctional home at the age of 16. He was brilliant, perhaps the smartest person I knew. From a young age, he had pursued opportunities abroad, spending summers away at special programs from our chaotic family. I always loved that for him, a part of me wanted that too. But he always made time for me, his beloved little sister. He wanted to rescue me from our toxic environment. When he attempted to enrol me in the same program he was in, I was the happiest. I was excited to join his side. But then our mother erupted in fury, spewing hurtful words that cut deep and it was that day Kai left home officially.

After graduating, Kai landed a spot in a prestigious American college, two years into his bachelor's program he had been offered a chance to move to Australia, it was practically many people's dream job so he jumped at the offer. He moved there, worked there, and even got married there.

It tugged at my heartstrings, the thought of Kai living so far away, building a life in Australia. He wasn't just drawn there by a promising offer; he craved liberation from our family's suffocating grip. Since he'd settled down there, marrying and establishing himself, I barely saw him. Maybe once or twice a year, he'd come to the States. But our connection remained strong, with almost daily contact. Kai was my rock, my supporter. He truly loved me and cared about me. He even paid my monthly expenses whilst still in college so I wouldn’t go into debt further or struggle with mixing classes and working.

Now, at 23 and fresh out of college, I found myself embarking on a new journey as an accountant in a prestigious firm. The promise of growing within the company was what kept me here, to become one of their main financial accountants.

The company also came with great benefits and there were good apartments in the area. The reality of starting at the bottom meant a meager salary though, that was a bit saddening. I still took the job, I’d be stupid not to. In this economy what I had been given, many would fight for.

I was currently on my lunch break, chatting with my friend who was also my co-worker, Everett Moore, he was quite a funny guy. As I chatted with him during my lunch break, my phone buzzed in my pocket, displaying a string of unfamiliar numbers. I had long since deleted the contact, but the digits were etched in my memory. After all these years, was she reaching out to me now? After all these years, was she calling me just now? My throat closed up and she got up abruptly, walking to a more quiet place to take the phone.

"Hello?" I answered tentatively, my heart pounding in my chest, unsure of what to expect.

"Selene, it's me, your mother," Kanna's voice crackled through the line, sounding more weathered than I remembered. Despite the years apart, her voice still carried the weight of familiarity.

"I know, Kanna," I muttered, my mind already racing a mile a minute.

"Honey, I'm in trouble– I’m fucked" she confessed, her tone heavy with desperation.

"What?" I frowned, trying to grasp what she meant. What kind of trouble could she possibly be in?

"I need neurosurgery, but the cost is way too much, and Bill can't cover it," Kanna revealed, her distress being heard clearly through the phone.

My head spun. Neurosurgery? The thought left me reeling. Was she only calling me for money?

"They found tumors, Selene," she added, the weight of her words sinking in.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I managed to utter, my sympathy earnest. No one deserved to be diagnosed with this.

"Will you help me?" Kanna's tone shifted, taking on a note of expectation– almost demanding.

"Send me the details," I replied, my voice barely above a whisper. I knew I was trapped. My mind wouldn't allow me to rest until I'd seen the extent of the medical bills. Perhaps I can help, right? Pitch in a little.

As I hung up the phone, a mix of emotions washed over me—guilt, resentment, and a gnawing sense of obligation. Despite the years of breaking free from her, she was still my mother and the thought of her suffering was unbearable. There was still some doubt lingering—was I being manipulated once again, drawn back into a cycle of dependency and disappointment?

As soon as the call ended, a sinking feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. Within seconds, a photo popped up on my phone—proof of the sky-high medical expenses my mother would have if she wanted the surgery and they explicitly said it might be a bit higher.

This humbled me and my beginner's salary down right away. At that moment, the weight of it all came crashing down on me. I couldn't afford her surgery, not even with a second loan. My college debts still loomed over me, a constant reminder of the financial strain I was under. I never minded it before, I knew I’d pay it off in a few short years but that’s because I never anticipated a new loan.

I knew Kai wouldn't contribute a cent. He had cut ties with our mother the moment he turned 18, and I couldn't blame him. He had his reasons, and I respected his decision enough not to burden him with her problems. But for me, it was different. Despite the painful memories and the unbearable shit she put me through, she was still my mother. And somewhere deep down, I felt an unspoken obligation to help her. After all, she had given me life. I’d feel guilty if I let her die.

Lost in thought, I made my way back to my office, my mind elsewhere even as I mechanically went through the motions of my work. Everett, bless his soul, sensed my need for space and gave me the room to process everything.

The rest of the workday passed in a blur, and soon enough, it was time to head home. Everything seemed normal on the surface, but beneath the facade, confusion stirred within me. Tonight, however, I had plans with my friends—a dinner outing at our favorite pizzeria. It was our tradition and I felt guilty about breaking it.

After a quick call with Kai, I got dressed, opting for casual jeans and a tank top. It was just a pizza night with friends—nothing fancy, but everything felt perfect. There was no need to fuss over my outfit, so I left the house and made my way to meet up with everyone.

We decided to grab the pizzas and snacks and head over to Mila's place. The pizzeria was bustling with customers, and we wanted the freedom to talk and catch up without the distractions of a crowded restaurant. Once at Mila's, we settled in, putting on a movie that none of us really paid attention to as our conversation took all our attention. Well, everyone else's conversation, that is. My mind was elsewhere, preoccupied with the call still.

"Is everything okay, Sel?" Everett finally voiced the question that had been lingering in the air, his concern evident in his tone.

"Uh..." I hesitated, wanting to lie.

"And don't lie to us," Mila interjected, her intuition cutting through my façade.

"Fine..." I sighed, relenting to their unspoken demand for honesty. "She called. My mother called after all these years," I confessed, the words heavy on my tongue.

"Did she finally apologize?" Kiran asked about knowing my background story with my family. They all knew the depths of my strained relationship with my mother.

"That would mean hell froze," I snorted bitterly. An apology from her was as unlikely as a snowstorm in July.

"So, what did she call for then?" Mila pressed, her curiosity piqued.

"She's sick. Needs surgery," I summarized, not wanting to delve too deeply into the details.

"And she needs your money?" Kiran's question was correct but stung.

"Yeah," I confirmed with a heavy heart. "Kai isn't giving her anything, and I... I feel like I have to help her. I can't explain it, but I feel this undeniable urge to contribute to her surgery fund," I admitted, the weight of obligation bearing down on me.

"How expensive is it?" Everett asked.

"Neurosurgery and she doesn't have insurance," I replied with a long sigh.

"Well, fuck," Kiran muttered, his frustration mirroring my own.

"I don't have that kind of money, and I can't take out loans," I confessed, finally letting the weight of my stress spill.

As my friends and I discussed the situation, they showed a remarkable understanding of the complexities of my relationship with my mother. Kanna was a terrible mother but she was still my mother at that and they understood that just as a parent’s unconditional love, the child possessed the same for their parent. Only in their family, it was a sick, twisted version of it.

"I'm trying to think of ways I could make money," I confessed, feeling lost. "But I barely have time as it is. Another job seems impossible with my current workload."

"Hmm," Mila mused, her brow furrowed as she pondered potential solutions.

"You know, wild idea, have you considered being a surrogate mother?" Everett's suggestion caught me off guard, prompting a raised eyebrow.

"Are you interested in having children already?" I asked, genuinely surprised. Everett wasn't big on relationships but he did always say he’d have a child with a surrogate.

"God no!" Everett exclaimed, shaking his head vehemently. "Not yet, anyway. I'm bringing this up because one of my cousins did it and earned a nice amount of money. It wiped out all her school loans," he explained, his tone exciting.

"For real?" Mila sounded impressed, her interest piqued, and so was mine.

"Yeah. You seem to have the looks for it, and you already take great care of yourself. Plus, you're smart, so you're ticking off all the boxes," Everett pointed out.

"Are you actually considering it?" Kiran asked and made me think about it further.

"I think I am..." I admitted quietly, and liked it until I came up with another issue."But I don't know where to find someone willing to enter into such an arrangement," I realized loudly, my thoughts racing as I considered the challenges of becoming a surrogate mother. After all, I would want a contract in place to ensure that both parties upheld their end of the deal.

“There’s this app, very exclusive, you will chat with people and match up with them for further conversations till you feel like you want to carry their child and they want you to carry their child so things will be arranged further,” Everett explained. By the way, he spoke, you’d think he was an ambassador for the app.

"So like a dating app but for surrogacy?" Mila asked, taking the words out of my mouth.

"Basically, yeah," Everett chuckled, his enthusiasm for the app was evident in his tone.

We continued discussing the idea for a few more minutes before moving on to other topics. For the first time that evening, I felt fully present in the conversation, my mind buzzing with the possibilities presented by this new opportunity.

As the night wore on, we eventually parted ways.

Once I was back at my place, I couldn't shake the idea of the app from my mind. It seemed like a potential solution to my financial troubles, and the more I thought about it, the more appealing it became. With both parties' privacy protected and template contracts provided for legal protection, it seemed like a relatively straightforward process. There were so many positive reviews, the only negative review was about a woman complaining that she hadn’t found this app sooner and how much she loved it.

I decided to take the plunge and download the app, carefully reading through the terms and conditions before creating my profile. Despite feeling a bit uneasy about the idea of using an app for something as personal as surrogacy, luckily there were rules instilled to keep privacy.

With a sense of determination, I dove headfirst into the world of surrogacy matchmaking.

The process of creating my profile on the surrogacy app felt strangely intimate and invasive at the same time. I had never been required to provide such detailed information about my appearance before—down to the cycle of hair growth and body features. It was a bit overwhelming, to say the least. But I carried on, filling in the blanks with as much honesty as I could muster.

As I crafted my bio, I struggled to strike a balance between sharing enough information for potential matches to get a sense of who I was without revealing too much about myself. In the end, I settled on a pseudonym—Lena.

With my profile finally complete, I climbed into bed and lay staring at the ceiling, my mind swirling with thoughts and doubts. The idea of carrying a child that wouldn't be mine for nine months felt surreal, almost daunting. Would I truly be able to detach myself emotionally from the experience? And what if I didn't match with a couple but instead with a single man seeking an egg donor? The thought sent a shiver down my spine, would I put a child in a situation I grew up in?

As the hours ticked by, I found myself delving deeper into the world of surrogacy, scouring the internet for information and perspectives from all angles. I read stories of women who had embarked on similar journeys, each offering a unique insight into the matter.

I loved my findings but I was quite scared. Still, I’d be giving this a chance, unaware it would unfold differently than I had anticipated.