Chapter 40

Xander pounded the punching bag, his fists flying in frustration. Sweat dripped from his brow, and his muscles ached, but he couldn't stop. He needed to exhaust himself, anything to distract his thoughts from what was going through his head.

Love—the word replayed over and over in his head and he still couldn't wrap around the word.

He'd known he had a fondness for her but that was it, that was all he thought there was to it; he liked her smile, the slow way her lips would curl up before displaying her beautiful set of teeth, he loved seeing her eyes sparkle, the feeling of contentment that filled his chest when he held her in his arm, how the world seemed bearable when he was with her.

Yet he hadn't realized that he was in love. The feeling had crept up on him like a thief in the night, stealing his breath and leaving him reeling.

Xander's mind raced as he punched and kicked, trying to process this newfound emotion. He groaned, feeling like he was losing himself in this sea of emotions.

He wasn't supposed to be in love, not after the last time, after Serena. He'd believed the only reason that had happened was because he was young and stupid but this love for Kathleen was different in a way that he'd never felt anything else. It seemed more powerful, ensnaring his heart completely Fuck him, he was doomed. He was consumed by thoughts of her, and it was driving him crazy.

As he finished his workout, Xander collapsed onto a nearby bench, his chest heaving. He ran his hands through his hair, feeling like he was going insane.

“Well, that was something,” James said, strolling toward him.

Xander scoffed at him and collected the water bottle James handed him. He uncorked the screw, threw his head back, and gulped its contents quickly.

“Now what’s got you in a mood?” James asked, falling into step next to him as they walked out of the gym.

“I’m not in a mood,” Xander growled.

James gave him a skeptical look. “You almost had me there.”

Xander let out a slow breath. “I’m very close to making a move that will jeopardize my chance for the CEO position,” he admitted.

James stopped.

“Fuck me, if I do this it doesn't just jeopardize it. I'd lose it completely. The old bastard is that vindictive, he would do everything within his power even going to hell itself to make sure I never hold a powerful position in the company.”

“What are you talking about? What's going on?”

Xander shrugged.

“Why would you throw it away when it's all you've worked for your whole life? You are even willing to marry that Wynter crazy heiress after swearing off marriage.” James asked.

Xander chuckled; how fucking ironic.

He kept on walking leaving James to hurry up after him.

“Are you sick? Dying? Is that what this is?” James’ voice was frantic.

“No,” Xander simply said.

James kept on badgering him through the elevator ride and Xander continued to give him one-word, blank answers until they stepped into his penthouse. His eyes reflexively moved to the living area where he'd left something playing on the TV because the silence killed him.

“Come on, you can't drop a bomb like that and not tell me a thing… Woah, what's all this?” James asked, walking toward a set of wrapped paintings on the floor.

“They're not mine, leave them,” Xander said tightly.

The paintings had been due to be delivered this morning by someone from the art studio where Kathleen spent her time so he'd gotten Olivia to take care of the delivery. In her rush to leave LA —him— Kathleen had left her paintings back at the studio and efforts to reach her from the studio about them had been futile so they'd gotten to him through Olivia.

He walked up to them and ran his hands through one wondering if he was allowed to look at them. It felt invasive so he walked away from it and headed into his bedroom but James wasn't letting up.

“Come on, Xander. Talk to me, what really is going on? You don't want to marry the Wynter girl…”

“I don't want to be with her,” he deadpanned.

James’ was undeterred. “Well that's why it's an arranged marriage isn't that so? No one gets into these things because they want to, your only vision is the goal you set for yourself the minute you knew what goals meant.”

He sighed.

James continued, “Your father let you do what you wanted because this was a promise you made to him. You, better than anyone else, Xander, know that being CEO and one day taking over control of the company completely is all you've ever dreamed of. Do you realize that you won't only be losing the CEO position if you allow this to happen? You lose who you are!”

Fuck! Why did James know him so much? Granted they'd been friends for so long but he didn’t have to be so raw. Xander knew James was right and he hated that fact so much that it shook his core.

“I know,” Xander said, his eyes going to the artwork that hung over his bed. It had been a gift from a prestigious gallery. It arrived for Kathleen and Xander had kept it as a reminder of her like the other numerous reminders he kept as though he needed anything to remind himself of her. The goddamn woman was permanently etched in his heart like ink on skin.

“So what is this really about?” James prodded. “You’ve never been one for love and commitment so I know this isn’t because of some dreams about…”

A mix of horror, disappointment, and shock all at once flashed through James’ expression. “Well if I am to be damned, Blackwood! Don’t fucking tell me you are in love.”

Xander’s silence, darkened eyes, and clench of his jaw were enough answers.

A throaty laughter rocked James and Xander felt his hands ball into fists. He wasn’t in the mood to be the object of James’ humor.

“I’m sorry but what the fuck?” James asked. “You fell in love so deeply, so madly that you are willing to lose your company because of a woman. What sort of woman is that? What, she was molded in gold and bathed in honey with a heart full of diamonds?”

Xander ignored him and stormed out of his room, grabbing his phone on the way. He called Olivia.

She picked up on the first ring. “Yes, Mr. Blackwood?” she answered robotically.

“Book me the earliest flight to Goodspring.” He said.

Olivia choked on her saliva. “Excuse me, sir?”

“You heard me,” he said through clenched teeth.

“But… but…” she sputtered. “You have a meeting with your grandfather in the morning.”

“Do as I said,” he hissed before hanging up.

Xander had no idea what he was doing but it didn't have to make sense, not a single thing he'd done since the night he'd met that woman had made sense. She'd entered his life and had sunk him into her world. His breath was for, he now existed just for her and so nothing he did need to appear sane.

All he knew was that he was sick of pretending these feelings didn't exist.

He loved Kathleen and he was going to her, everything else be damned!