chapter 23
Julian stayed quiet as he helped me arrange pillows around Hank. He sat on the bed across from me and stared at Hank. “He’s cute.” I sank down next to Hank and looked him over. He was more than cute. He was perfect. While he was sleeping, it was harder to see Julian in him, but when his eyes were open, the pale blue color gave it away. To me, anyway. “I’m just going to stay with him for a bit to make sure he stays asleep.”
He studied Hank for a moment more and then left me there, silently worrying about what he saw when he looked at our son. I was so scared of what he’d do if he knew. How much of Hank would he want? How much could I share without dying a little?
I laid down next to Hank and fought the urge to scoop him up and run. It wasn’t easy. Closing my eyes and holding his little hand in mine, I told myself I’d stay there for a few minutes and then go back out to talk to the guys.
The next thing I knew, I was waking up to pee. Without recognizing that I wasn’t in my own bed, I checked on Hank and then went to the bathroom. It wasn’t until I was washing my hands that I realized I wasn’t at Kara’s house. I found my reflection looking back at me, looking tired and rumpled. I pulled my hair into a bun and wiped smudged mascara from under my eyes before going out to find the guys.
I found them asleep on the couches in the living room. Isaac and Blake. I didn’t see Julian. I instantly felt so guilty, seeing their big bodies folded awkwardly to fit on a couch too small for them. I grabbed the heavy quilt from the back of the couch and draped it over Isaac before taking the blanket from the floor and shaking it out. Covering Blake with it, I stepped back and rubbed my face. Things were weird.
I liked them. I didn’t know how I liked them when I’d barely known them and I’d barely spent any time with them, but I did. They seemed like good guys. I was in over my head, though. I wasn’t someone who could balance having sex with multiple men. I was barely able to make it to the grocery store while raising a kid, much less balance relationships.
A creak sounded from the front porch and I realized the door was open. Walking towards it, I peeked out and saw Julian’s long body stretched out in one of the rockers.
I stepped out as quietly as I could and looked him over. In sleep, his face was void of all the harshness. He actually looked sweet. I found myself thinking of him again, the same way he’d snuck into my mind during my pregnancy. The daydreams of what it would’ve been like to have him there, they were kryptonite. I shook my head and went to step away, but Julian suddenly caught my wrist.
“Not polite to stare.”
I swallowed down all the softness I’d been feeling and gently pulled away from him. “You’re going to catch a cold out here. You should come in.”
“The mother thing really grew on you, huh?”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “Just worried the orgies will stop if your brothers are busy taking care of you.”
He snorted out a laugh and pulled himself up to his full height. “You don’t know my brothers. Or the power of male arousal. It works through anything.”
“I can sleep somewhere else with Hank if you want Isaac’s bed.”
“I’m not staying. I was just waiting around for…I don’t know, I guess.” He sighed and looked out into the darkness. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Red.”