CHAPTER 18: A BRO SHALT NOT USE THE L WORD-7

Jeff went first again. He spun the glass bottle, and everyone did this whole drum roll to play it up and make it even more suspenseful. It landed on me. Laughter erupted from the group and spectators, and I got that sneaky feeling that takes over my every impulse whenever a big group gives me its undivided attention. I looked at Jeff and puckered my lips. "Ready when you are." Austin got on his knees. "Nick has to buy pizza now!" "Why you gotta assume I was joking, Austin? I think that's back to you buying pizza." Austin started to protest, but the group shut him down. Through the commotion, I almost forgot to feel nervous, and Jeff backed away, grinning. Then it was Hannah's turn, and she definitely rigged it. Because it landed on Carter, and he was sitting next to her, and it's really hard to get the bottle to land on someone next to you. Crap, I thought, why hadn't I sat next to Eliza? The one person I didn't want my spin to land on. Carter leaned to meet Hannah halfway. Robert watched them in total suspense, as if he were frozen in time. I looked over at Madison and saw that she did too. Damn it. Poor Austin. Carter and Hannah legit had the steamiest three seconds ever. I had to join in when everyone was calling out and hollering about the kiss. Get it, Carter, I thought, kind of glad for him. Especially when they sat back, and he had this stupid smile like the luckiest guy in the Milky Way (no, not the candy bar). Madison and Robert were the only two who didn't join in the hype. The next few rounds were less exciting, except when a few girls got each other and decided to go for it. When it was my turn to spin, everyone did the same thing with the drum rolls and the cheering. A bunch of the girls in the circle perked up, and I honestly couldn't think of a best-case scenario. Maybe it would have been landing on Madison, since people would get over that pretty quickly. I had a 1/16 chance of landing on the worst possible person. The bottle slowed down, inching its way towards Eliza, and as it was about to go to the next person, it swung back to her. Like a magnet—which hadn't happened to anyone else, and I had to wonder if someone sabotaged it that way. Or maybe it was fate. Eliza went white. Carter shrugged, like it was a nonissue. Like he knew, of course, I wasn't going to kiss his sister. But I had to act "normal" around her. The way Carter was expecting. "It's your lucky day, sweetheart," I grinned. "What? Oh. Ha, you wish." She backed away. Carter pushed me the bottle. "Spin again." "No no," Madison called. "That's not how the game works." Madison had remained mostly silent after the Carter/Hannah thing, but now she had something juicy to live for again. I pointed to Jeff, who could clearly see Carter's reaction. "House rules," I said, "What's the move here, Karvotsky?" Carter relaxed, as if he knew that obviously Jeff would take his side. Madison ruffled her hair, in total control of the situation. It seemed like she wasn't vindictive enough to out my secret by shouting it. Not yet. She was waiting for something. And I had no doubt in my mind that she would make me pay for Carter being with Hannah and not her, even though that wasn't my fault. "I'll sub in," she said. Austin took a long swig of his drink. "Sure," said Jeff, relieved that he was no longer in charge of this game that he obviously rarely played. Bless his heart. "That's a good rule. First person to call in for a sub gets to do it. Perfect." Madison went on her knees. Eliza picked at the carpet, determined not to watch this. We had a deal that we would tell Carter tomorrow. Which, apparently, right now, meant this. Madison shuffled closer to me, brushing into Carter on her way. She looked over her shoulder at Eliza. "Last chance." Eliza shrugged like the entire thing was ridiculous. Which it was until Madison sat in my lap and put her arms around my neck. Our circle, and the excited high schoolers watching behind us, erupted. Madison shoved her body in my face. "Wait," said Eliza. Madison froze, but since her lips were a few inches from mine, only I could see the big, annoying, smile on her face. She had wanted this all along. The group stared at Eliza, especially Carter, and she glanced purposefully between Austin and Madison. She was trying to pretend she was doing it for Austin, who did genuinely seem upset at Madison's behavior. Madison moved aside and Eliza crawled over. I tried to Jedi mind read her that she really didn't have to do this, but whatever I did wouldn't have mattered. This was a game between the girls. "It's fine," Eliza whispered as she leaned in. All she did was press her lips against mine, as awkwardly as she could. No opening, no starting to make out. Three seconds and done. That's what she was going for. Easy. We could do that. When the three, totally unpassionate seconds were up, Eliza started to pull away, and I— Yup. It was all me. I take full responsibility for it. It was a stupid reflex. It. I had to reach for her chin, as if to keep her there. The second my fingers brushed her skin, I realized what I was doing, and brought my hand quickly down. Eliza pulled away, trying to look shocked. It didn't matter. Because Carter wasn't looking at her. He was looking at me. All I could feel for her, even though it was the least interesting kiss ever, was total awe, and wanting to protect her, and all the l-o-v-e crap. And I couldn't keep my feelings off my face. "Aww," Madison cooed. I braced. She turned towards Austin, who lounged like everything was totally normal, and said in a loud whisper, "That was cute. Do you think it was the first time they've done that? I think they look adorable together." At which point the more excited players of our game started hollering and whooping at me. "Shut up, Madison," said Eliza. But I was the one who'd seen Carter's first reaction, before he sat back, expressionless. No matter how we tried to play it, how Madison tried to play it, how Eliza tried to play it, the game was over. I never thought it would be because of me.