Fear

Fear
Raelynn POV

My heart pounds in my ears…. The silence stretching between us is deafening.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

A tormented sea of blue stares back at me. Neither of us has blinked, and it feels like my mouth’s gone dry.

You’re losing your mind Raelynn… There’s no way Kieran Decker just said that he fell in love with you. The loser. The deer in the headlights. The girl guys make bets on just to make themselves feel better.

A nobody.

“Fuck, Rae,” Kieran breaks the silence. “FUCK.”

I flinch at his tone as he releases the grip he had on me, “Key…”

“Don’t,” he snarls, scrubbing a hand down his face. The room feels smaller, like the walls are moving in slowly. Kieran shakes his head, his eyes lifting from the floor to lock with mine, “You’re not a fucking fool, Bambi. So just…. Don’t.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I whisper, my palms pressing into the mattress as I slowly push myself up, but Kieran backs away, causing me to freeze. “Did you say you were in love with me?”

I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole when Kieran’s face shifts from shock to disgust.

“That’s what you chose to focus on,” his head tips back, a sharp, bitter laugh bubbling from his throat before it shifted into something more… maniacal. “Of course you did, Raeeee.”

Kieran was slurring his words as the glassy haze coating his eyes grew.

A pit formed in my stomach as I watched him sneer at me.

“You’re so starved for love that you cling to a pathetic confession from a strung-out loser like me,” he stepped closer, running a shaky hand through his hair. “Maybe you are a fool.”

“Do you feel better right now, Key?” tears burned my eyes, but I bit the inside of my cheek, allowing the coppery tang of my blood to remind me that he doesn’t mean it. He’s trying to hurt me so I’ll leave him to wallow in his misery alone.

For a fraction of a second, I see the mask fall, but he recovers quickly, moving closer, a lazy smirk on his face, “I feel fuckin’ fantastic, Bam-bee,” he elongates the nickname, a sick gleam in his eyes. “How about you?”

“I feel like I’m really fuckin’” I make sure to say the word exactly like him to drive the point home, “Tired of the people I care about lying to my face.”

Kieran leans in closer… close enough that his minty breath fans over my face. Close enough for me to still make out the blue in his eyes, almost invisible to the black. Close enough that I can see how much it hurts him to hurt me.

His eyes have always said everything he refuses to voice.

“Whatever you’re planning to say, just don’t,” my voice comes out weaker than I hoped, but I’m exhausted, and I know Kieran is too, “I’m tired of you being a dick just because you can’t handle your feelings.”

“You’ve got a filthyyy mouth tonight, Raeeee,” he grins. “It’s kinda hot.”

Kieran stumbles forward, nearly toppling us back onto the bed.

“I think you need to….” I don’t have the chance to tell Kieran he needs to sit down before he drops to the ground with a harsh thud.

“Yeahhhhh,” he mutters. “Just need… to… sit for a second.”

I drop to my knees, the dread in my stomach intensifying to a point that causes bile to rise in my throat.

A lazy smile pulls on Kieran’s mouth, “Babyyyy, when did you get here?”

“What did you take?”

One of Kieran’s pupils shrunk down while the other remains blown out. My heart feels like it might beat out of my chest, fear latching onto it like a vice.

“Just the usualllll,” his head tilts to the side, “You’re so pretty, baby. I’m sorry for being a dick.”

“What is the usual?”

“I don’t know,” he offers a half comital shrug, slumping his back against the mattress. “I’m fuckin’ sorry,” Kieran’s eyes are focused on the far wall, unmoving, unblinking, and distant. “Don’t fall for me, Rae… You…. You can’t call an ambulance. Please… Don’t…. call…”

He doesn’t finish his sentence, his unblinking eyes still staring at the far wall.

“Key,” I shake his shoulders, but he doesn’t make any effort to move or even glance in my direction.

My palms feel sweaty pressed against the fabric covering his shoulders. Muscles contract beneath my fingers, but Kieran remains in eerie silence.

“No,” I whimper, bringing my hands to the sides of his cheeks and forcing his face towards me, “Kieran,” I choke out his name. “Please.”

I’ve never done this. I don’t know what to do. What do I do?

With shaky hands, I grab my phone, dialing Malcom, but the phone doesn’t even ring, going straight to voice mail.

“Shit,” I cry out, feeling a shard of glass dig into my finger as I jab it against the call button again. Again, it goes straight to voicemail.

Tears blur the screen and I hit call again, sitting the phone down to shake Kieran. "Please.... I can't..." I can't breathe as the thought of losing Kieran crashes into my chest like a freight train.

“You happened to reach me at the only time I wouldn’t be on my phone,” Malcom’s voice mail rings out, and I curse the ridiculous length.

The loud beep signals the start of the recording, “Mal…com,” my voice sounds foreign and raspy, “It’s Key. I think he’s overdosing, and I don’t know what to do,” I slide his body so that he’s laying on his back, pressing my finger against his pulse point. “Do you know if he has any reversal drugs? Please Malcom, call me back. He said no ambulance, but I can’t… Can’t let him die.”

His heart is beating, but it’s shallow and faint.

Only a minute has passed. I know, because I’ve counted every beat of Kieran’s heart, but Malcom hasn’t called back.

“Key, he’s not calling back,” I whispered, “I’ll be right back.”

I race to the bathroom, ripping open the medicine cabinet. Various orange bottles tumbled out from the force, clattering like tiny gunshots in the sink. I tense at the sound of endless pills rattling as I accidentally topple over more in my search for anything that might help.

Tucked away in the corner is a tiny package with the nasal spray. I snatch it, working to peel it open when I hear the front door handle rattle.

“You said the little asshole wouldn’t have his door locked….” Someone snarled.

My eyes shifted from the front door to Kieran’s room.

A deeper angrier voice rang out from the other side of the door.

“Kick it in then.”