Reagan’s POV
I heard a car pull up and knew my parents had arrived, so I went out to greet them. Besides Clive, and my children, I get love from no one else except my parents. I can hear my dad’s growl of displeasure when he sees me. It happens every time he comes here, he gets angry seeing the evidence of how I have been treated here at Blood Tracker. I was hoping that after this pregnancy, with my 9th baby this would be it, but it won’t. Darren already knows that this baby is not his, we all believed that it is Clive’s.
I knew it wouldn’t be my last for two reasons, Aaron will not let me go, and despite having found his mate almost a year ago, he still wants to hold me to the deal. I have begged, but he refuses, as he knows that if I were to leave, Clive would be leaving with me. Clive loves me and he knows that even after 5 years, people are still looking for me. Black Moon just got a visit from the council a month ago. Cheryl, her parents, and mine, had to be hidden in the underground bunker that they had built especially for these types of “drop-ins” from the council. Thankfully, Blake had done what he said he would do and still protects my parents. I know that dad is valuable to him, from a monetary standpoint alone, but he could have booted them too after I messed up. So, I do appreciate them sticking to what they said that they were going to do for them.
Mom hugged me first, and I can see the tears in her eyes as she looks at my face. I know why, because my face is hers, and seeing me like this damaged like this, saddens her. It is the very reason that they only come once a month. It hurts their hearts to see me like this. I have been destroyed, because of jealous bitches. Whatever their motive was behind it, doesn’t matter now. I have to live like this for the rest of my life. To Clive, it doesn’t matter. He still calls me beauty, despite it being a lie now. To him I am still the girl he met at Black Moon, being offered to Aaron as a breeder. But that is not me anymore. I will never be that girl again, they all made sure of that.
I lead mom and dad into the house that they build for me and Clive, and he is at the door to welcome them too. He walked out to help dad with the bags he was carrying and then followed us into the house. Mom immediately hugs Tatiana Blaire who is 4 years old. Tatiana is me, and mom, made over. She looks like a doll, with her long blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes and she is mine and Clive’s oldest child.
My actual oldest child, Aaron Trevor, belongs to Aaron and me. He is both his namesake and heir to the pack. We all call him Trevor, and at a little over 4 and a half years old, he is his father made over. He got nothing from me at all. He is very strong, and Aaron dotes on him and still does, even with his first child from his true mate, Eloise. The moment she arrived here, and found out who, and what I was for the pack, she immediately hated me to her core. She is trying all the time to get Aaron to denounce Trevor and tell the pack that the 9-month-old that they have together, Austin Evan, will be the next Alpha. She will not let it go, but whoever the next Alpha is, will completely be Aaron’s decision.
Eloise is pregnant with their second child now, it is a girl, and she has already announced the name of the new baby, Anaise Emily. I have to say that I like the name Anaise (pronounced an-a-ise) and I am happy that Aaron found his mate too. She cut my work down upon arriving here. That was something to be happy about. Another thing to be happy about was the fact that I didn’t have to experience what I did when I arrived ever again. They just got overexcited and they all ended up "wanting a taste" too, but that memory stayed with me. I only wanted to sleep with Clive and the rest of them, especially Michael took that choice away from me. At least Aaron and Darren cared that I had pleasure too, but it was far from being noted as a good day. It was one of my worst days ever, quickly followed a week later by my worst day ever.
Beta Darren and his chosen mate Judy are raising the two pups that belong to him. Since Judy cannot have babies of her own, they wanted one more. They asked us to lunch and asked me and Clive if we would be willing to not sleep with anyone else until Darren got me pregnant. It is only fair, Darren only has two children of the 9 I have gotten pregnant with. He worries about Judy, due to the pain that will come with this since he marked Judy two years ago. She felt the pain when he slept with me to create their second child. She knows how to take some pain relief and sleeping pills, so she can sleep through it. She knows that she will still wake up sore, from the pain of it, but it is better than the pain of betrayal. The fact is, they would like a third pup, and they asked nicely. So I will make sure that it happens for them. They are raising the other two, as their children. I see them, and they haven’t been told that I am their biological mother. That is for Darren and Judy to decide, not me. Both children look like Darren, with their brown hair and blue eyes, so they believe that their parents are indeed, their parents.
Their son, Damon Anthony Rogers, is just a few months over 3 years old. He is a smart little guy, and he is nice to me. They also have a baby girl. Her name is Hailey Ann Rodgers, and she is almost 2 years old. They are both good children, and Darren and Judy are actually really great parents. I know that the children are nice to me because their parents, Darren and Judy, tell them that I am trustworthy. They make sure to speak to me when they see me and have their children speak to me, as well. Their whole family is kind to me. I wouldn’t agree that I am trustworthy. I am mentally not doing as well as I was five years ago. The events that have plagued me since we had to flee Silver Blade are pressing down on me, more and more these days. Most of the pack here is against me, and that is the reason I stay in my home.
Clive goes and gets our food for us from the packhouse, and we cook here at our house. We also have our own little garden with our favorite vegetables growing in it. Clive has not left the packlands for a while, as he is terrified of losing me. He is scared that if he met his mate, then I would have no one left. He loves me, he wants to protect me, and if I ever leave he would be leaving here with me. But that will be something for us to plan for later on. The house will have to go into his name, so it can’t be traced back to dad, or me. I honestly do not know what I would do without Clive. He is my everything, and if something happened to him, that would probably be my final straw. I do not think that I would want to live anymore, not here at least. I am ashamed to admit that I don’t even know if I would be able to do it, not even for my children. They will become someone else’s problem at that time, maybe mom and dad would take them, I don’t know, Aaron would have to figure it out. I cannot feel safe unless I have Clive with me. I worry about him finding his mate and leaving me all alone too. He assures me that he wouldn’t, but I know the power, the pull, of the mate bond. Hell, that is the very reason that I lost Justin. I would not make it without Clive, the fear of what could happen to me without him would crush me. I already know that I would not be able to survive without him.
I participate in the conversation for a little while and we headed to the table to have lunch. Clive always helps me, and he is actually the one to help me learn how to cook. What he didn’t know how to do, he got someone out here to help us learn. I will say that after about 20 cooking classes, I can actually cook pretty well now, and I am glad because I don't like going to the packhouse to eat. Atlas Daniel is our second baby for us. He was just 2 and a half years old and looked just like Clive. He was such a handsome and good-natured boy. Our youngest, Everett James, was just a year old, his birthday was last month. Clive had gone upstairs to get him and Atlas to bring them downstairs after my parents arrived. I am pregnant now with our fourth child together, it is another boy, and we already decided to name him Cyril Wilson. Clive wants another girl, he has begged me to do that for him, and I will. I will do that because I love him too, but that will happen after giving Darren and Judy their third child.
That child for Darren will be my last child for anyone other than Clive, no matter what Aaron says about it. Aaron still wanted to keep up our arraignment, but for the Goddess's sake, I have done enough for the Blood Tracker pack. I have given the pack 9 strong pups, in five years’ time. That is a lot, no matter who you ask. I was pregnant, more than I wasn’t, for these last 5 years. I know that I had no real say at the beginning, especially that first day, but things have changed over the years. Aaron, and Darren, have both taken mates, all except Clive have one. Thankfully with him having Eloise, Aaron is scared to approach me anymore. When she was really pregnant, and about to give birth he came out to sleep with me, and I warned him it was a mistake, but he didn’t listen.
I had a flashback that night of when I messed up with Blake, with Cheryl being pregnant when I did the same to her. I was sick with anxiety that Eloise was going to want to kill me, but I think she knew where the blame lay. Thankfully, she screamed at him through the mindlink, and he stopped, but he had already finished by that time. She knew where he was, and that was why my last child for me, Aaron, was almost 7 months old now. That last coupling was our last child together. Aaron still wants to try with me again because you can tell how strong our pups are, but it won’t happen again, not if I have something to say about it.
Eloise threatened him that if he tried to get me pregnant again, she and her pups will leave. So he leaves me alone now, but I can feel his eyes on me when Clive and I are out and about. Our oldest son, Aaron Trevor, is still named the next Alpha for the pack. Eloise is furious about it, and I know it isn’t over. She is the daughter of an Alpha, but she is weak, and the child she has given him is not nearly as strong as Trevor. I do not know why my pups are stronger than hers are, but they are, and the difference is clear to all that have seen them. The whole pack considers Trevor to be the next Alpha, I cannot see anything that Eloise or Austin does, being able to change that fact. But I know that she is not going to rest until Aaron changes their son Austin as the next heir to the pack. She thinks I don’t see it, but she is even worse at her plans than I was, you can always see them coming.
I have four children with Aaron, and they all stay with him. They have a nanny, one that was handpicked to take care of them 4 and a half years ago when I had my first child. The nanny is good. She is pleasant to me, and she has taken care of each and every one of them since I weaned them from me. She is a nice person, and even though I do not raise them personally, I do ask if they are OK and if they are not being treated well. I need to know because even though I only keep mine and Clive’s babies, I do care about all of my babies. My second child with Aaron is named Henry Anderson Williams, and he is a cross between us, the dark brown hair of his father, and my eyes. He is a very handsome child. Henry will be 3 years old in a little over a month. Our third child is Jonathan “Jon” Paul Williams and he has my blonde hair and his father’s hazel eyes, he is a very quiet child. He watches and is very observant. Our youngest child, Colette Andrea, is 6 months old. She is a doll and looks exactly like me, and Tatiana with her blonde hair, and stunning blue eyes. The moment she was born she had her father wrapped around her little finger.
They are all very handsome children, and I am so proud my all of them. Aaron has already said that he knows that all the girls will be after our sons, and he smiled at that. Right up until I reminded him that the boys will be after Colette too, that took his smile right away. I have them over once a week, to spend the night with their brothers and sisters at my house. They know who I am to them, and they are proud of me, despite what got me demoted to this point. My babies are young, and Trevor cries when they have to leave to go back to the packhouse now. He didn't use to do that, this was new, and frankly, I didn't like it. I have heard that Eloise is giving him a hard time. So I ordered him a teddy bear with a camera in it. I just needed proof before I go to Aaron about it. He may belong to Aaron, but I am still his mother, and I will not allow that bitch, Eloise, to pick on him. I just needed to get evidence of what she is doing. I told him to bring the bear with him, so I can check it. Trevor is smart, even at a little over 4 and a half years old. He knew how to set it up in his room. The camera angle is wide, and it only records with motion, as I figured that he would have to bring it every other week for me to check, and change out the batteries.
He will be here tomorrow to spend the night, and I will check it then. I don’t trust Eloise, especially not with the baby. I have told their nanny to never leave Colette with Eloise. The older children can tell me what happened if she were to do something to them, but she is only 6 months old/ She is too little for that bitch to hurt. I will not allow it. I know that I can trust Aaron to do the right thing, as having the strong pups was all his idea. He wanted the strong pups, and now he needs to protect them. Even if it was from his own mate. I could care less what he says, they are my children too, and I will not allow her to hurt any of them. I will fight her over this. I do not care if she is Luna. After my attack, I learned very quickly that I needed to know how to defend myself. I just learned it a little too late. Clive trains me, and he is very serious about it. I know how to take care of myself now, and I already know that my wolf, Lena, is bigger and much more aggressive than Eloise’s wolf. Lena will not allow her to hurt our pups. We may not be happy about being a breeder, but every single one of those pups matters to us. I will not hesitate to go to Aaron and throw her under the bus. Trevor and the other children are off-limits to her, I do not care if he has to assign a warrior to go with the nanny everywhere they go. I wouldn’t put it past her to try to set any of my babies up, but especially Trevor, and Colette.
We have a great lunch, and my parents seem to get more and more relaxed around my children with each visit. Mom is very happy about all the grand pups, as these are all she will have. Raven will never let mom near her pups. I still hear about Raven, and how well she is treated, and it pisses me off. To tell the truth, I can let the Brandon thing go, but Justin was mine. He may have been her mate, but none of us knew it at the time. He slept with me first, well, after a little additional encouragement. But I had to do it. He was waiting for his mate, and I couldn’t wait for that. He would have been back in the pack, and he would have gone with anyone to whom he was mated, and I couldn't have that. I wanted him, he would have been a strong Alpha. Plus, and this was the most important, he was very good in bed, right from the start. I am not embarrassed about it, he was the best I ever had. I hate losing him, it is not fair that even after she rejected him, he still got her back. I will never let him go. If life was perfect it would be me, Justin, and Clive for the rest of my life.
I see no reason why the Goddess gave both him and Brandon to Raven. I wish sometimes that I could kill her, but I cannot leave the packland. Aaron refuses to let me go. Maybe at the ten-year point, maybe then he will allow me to leave, although I doubt it. He likes having me here, despite how bad it makes me feel. I would love to leave, and I think once the children are older, I should be OK. I can go live in the human world, or see about getting my family to agree to move away from here. Change our names, move far away, whatever it takes to be safe. Having Clive makes me feel safe, and protected. He is the only reason that I didn’t completely lose it before. I am barely hanging on right now, and I can feel it. I will never recover from another incident. They have beaten me down, emotionally, and mentally, but not physically. They had not hurt me physically since the incident. Even with that said, I know that I am just a shell of my former self.
I kissed both my parents goodbye and watched them drive away. I hold the sob in, as it won’t do any good, and it will just upset Clive. He dotes on me, and I wished for the 1000th time that he was my actual mate. My true mate, who could demand that I be treated with respect. To have kept me from being subjected to what I had been all these years. To not have had to go through so much. It is hard to acknowledge that at only 23 years old, I am ruined. Scarred, and disregarded, by all but a few. Attacked by she-wolfs that hated me for not choosing death, when I never knew what the alternative to death was going to be. They planned that out perfectly, they knew at 18 I would never voluntarily choose death, but I have died 100’s of times since then. I hate my life. I hate how torn down I have become. I really hate the fact that Raven is living the life that I wanted. But I hate that most of all, I know that no matter how many times I blamed it on Raven, it was my own stupid decisions that got me here.
Attacked at Blood tracker