Blake’s POV
Three days, it has just been three and a half days, and I am losing my mind without her. I need her back. She has to come back to me. I will have to make her see that I have changed. That I only love her, and I don’t want anyone else. That it wasn’t my fault, I messed up because I was trying to fix our relationship. I was trying to go back to when it was perfect, and never realized that I was being tricked. If she will just come back to me, I will let her kill Graham right there in front of the whole pack after I make him admit what he has done. After I tell them how badly I messed up. She will feel my sincerity, my love, and that I am telling the truth. My plan B is to take the children with me and have them beg her to come back home to Black Moon with us. I know that they don’t understand all of what is going on, but what they will understand is that they will never go shopping again with my money if they don’t beg and plead with their mother to return with us.
I don’t mind not playing fair if it results in getting what I want to happen. They better all hope she comes back because I am going to snap here, and soon. I have mindlinked the kids to be ready to go at 830 this morning. I knew that Aaron was dealing with vampires and that it would be over an hour and a half in getting to Black Adder, and back again. I was not going to be out there with my children in a very dangerous situation with vampires running around. I was just glad it was his problem, and not mine. The walls around our packland have been a big help, and a preventative measure for over 15 years. They have saved countless members of my pack by keeping rogues, and other supernatural creatures out. I shudder to think about the damage the vampires are doing over there at Blood Tracker. I was going to help him build his wall. I didn’t want them to all die, but they would only be able to build during the daytime hours. They would have to be very careful with it. They have one side up already as our land meets on one side.
I have already bought the supplies and the first shipment will be getting delivered today. He had mindlinked me last night to advise what was happening over there, and to tell me that his Luna and their son had been killed the night before by the vampires. I asked him how, as that should have been impossible. The Luna, and his family, should have been kept safe, but he wouldn’t talk about it. I am sure it must have been horrible to see such a sight. He does not sound like himself, he is not doing well, and I hope that he doesn’t go crazy with losing his Luna. It has happened before to other Alphas, and I am struggling with losing my own Luna. I believe that it hurts me worse because I did it, I forced her to have to pick saving our child because of me falling for Graham and his tricks.
I know how insulting it is for me to have trusted him, over her. Took Graham's word over anything she had to say. Cheated on her, knowing full well that it was past the point of no return. All with thinking that if I could just press down on her hard enough, she would bend to my will, and comply with what I wanted her to do. I never wanted to break her. But at the time, what Graham was saying to me made a lot of sense. I believed that he was actually wanting to help. He knew the penalty for crossing me, his daughter was still living it. Why he would do it, and think he had a chance to get away with it, blew my mind. There was no way that I would have been able to forgive him. I already know that Cheryl would have stepped in when Forest came to hurt Kevin. She would have put herself between them and tried to calm the situation down. Forest might have killed her in his anger, and still, Graham would have won. He set this whole thing up to where he was the only one who could have possibly won in this. In hindsight, I can see where he was the root of all of our problems, but if I am honest, I went there voluntarily.
He did lead me, but I was so angry at how things were going between us, that I never stopped to realize that it was me. Me being greedy for her time, and jealous if another man was near her. Possessive of even the time she spent with our children. Angry at her obvious favoritism of Kevin, not realizing at the time it was just her trying to protect him. She knew what was going to happen to him. I got madder and more frustrated by her actions. Her digging in to continue to do it, meant she cared more for him, more than she felt for me, or our other children. If only I had known, she should have told me, she should have made me understand.
“She tried too, Blake, many times. You either ignored what she was saying, thought she was lying to your face, or twisted her words around in your jealousy. If you look at it from her side you were completely unreasonable to her. You treated her very badly. She did try to show you a video. A while back, like 2 years ago, but you mocked and belittled her” my wolf Kona interjects to me.
“I messed up, but it was my love for her driving me to do it, She has to know that was why I did what I did. I do love her, I have never loved anyone but her” I snapped back at him.
“Well, you didn’t show it, not like you should have. You took every opportunity to hurt her, per Graham’s directions. So let's review, is she the one hurting? Or is it you? Because I can tell you as an eyewitness to what you have intentionally done to her for the last 5 years, she is over you. We both read the note, she will not be coming back here again. You have made her suffer so much, and she already told you. You have succeeded, you broke her. She is not willing to give you another chance, not after the numerous chances that she already gave you. Once you crossed over into willingly cheating on her, that was it. You stepped on the pieces of her shattered heart and made sure to grind them into dust. Well, you won buddy. You achieved what Graham set out to do. So how does it feel? Do you feel happy about your success?” Kona mocked me in the link.
I want to destroy something. Tear it apart with my bare hands, and I want to go and deal with Graham in his cell while I do it. Two birds with one stone, but I will have to deal with him later. I need to get headed out for now. I have four warriors in the SUV behind me as we head out to Black Adder. All three of my children are silent in the vehicle. Forest and Casey were on their tablets, and Robert was reading a book. At least Robert remembered the rule that Cheryl put in place. No electronic devices in the car. That we needed to talk to each other on trips or learn something new from a book. Yes, they could learn on an electronic device, but she knew that they wouldn’t be using them to learn. It was a good rule and I can remember many happy trips with talking and teasing going on before I tore our family apart. I can’t fix everything, but they need to know that all the rules that their mom put in place for them, were still in effect. That we were going there with the main goal to expressly bring her back, not out for a joyride.
“Forest, what is the rule in the car?” I asked him. I see him tense up for a second before relaxing.
“Mom left, there is no rule in place anymore,” Forest told me, and continued to play on his tablet.
“Casey, do you remember the rule?” I glanced back at her and this time I had a warning in my tone. I see Forest shutting down his tablet, to conserve the battery, and then putting it away. Casey was already shutting her down right now, and she mumbled, “Well, we thought that since mom left, the rules no longer applied anymore.”
“You both thought wrong. You both know that I am heading to Black Adder to try to get your mother, and Kevin, to come back to Black Moon. That is the whole purpose of the trip. I have to get her back, or there will be hell to pay when I cannot control my wolf anymore. People’s lives will be put at risk, this needs to happen. All three of you need to take this very seriously. Your mom has to come back to Black Moon, or Goddess help us all, Kona will not be held back. I am not trying to scare any of you, but you need to know that your mother loves each and every one of you. You need to remind her of that, all of you” I let my tone turn hard towards the end. I know that Forest will be the one to balk at it. I wait a short time for his response. I already know where he will be coming from, and I didn’t have to wait long to hear the whine in his voice as he replied back to me.
“Mom loves Kevin the most. She always takes up for him and protects him. Even from me. She cares about him and left with him, don’t get mad at us for her running off and doing that. She has shown us time and again who she cares for, and it isn’t us. So why should we care that she took her favorite and left? We are supposed to mourn and miss someone who made sure to coddle and protect one of us, not all of us?” Forest said to me. He doesn’t know, I only told them about Graham tricking me into messing up. He didn’t know that she wasn’t playing favorites, but that Graham was busy using him too. I guess I needed to let them know more than just telling them that Graham was using more than me to carry out his plan. Forest is not quite 15 yet, but he needs to hear this because he will never change his mind about what happened if he doesn’t.
I hit the voicemail and Graham’s voice fills the cabin as I set my phone down on the console and keep my eyes on the road. All three of them are silent as they listen to what was said. I heard all of them gasp at Graham bolding telling their mother that he will be having Forest kill his own brother, as the final insult to her. Man, if only Graham made plans to help people, instead of hurting them. He could have been someone to really add value to the world. The recording ends, and the vehicle is silent.
“I would not have killed my own brother, dad” I hear Forest say in a low tone. He doesn't even realize that he was being groomed. That I didn't think that he would do something so vicious on his own. He would have only done it as Graham lined him up, and used his own jealousy of his brother against him.
“A week ago, was he your brother, Forest? How about 4 days ago before Kevin took his driving lesson and you had your friends hold him so you could teach him a lesson? He wasn’t then either, Forest. Just like I was being molded into a worse version of myself, so were you. Graham seems like he does things in your own best interest, and I never saw it coming between me and your mother. Until the day she left me, I didn’t see that I had done anything wrong to her. Calling her disgusting and vicious names, when I was the one who was wrong the whole time. She was my mate, I should have trusted her completely, but I allowed Graham to trick me. I was so eaten up with jealousy that I wasn’t thinking straight. If I had stopped my jealous rage for a moment, I would have realized that she had never cheated. I was so sure of it, that I allowed myself to be poisoned by Graham. If I had just thought about it, I would have remembered that until our 5th anniversary, your mother never left the pack, not once” I explained to them.
“What does that mean dad, because I don’t understand why that is important at all?” Casey piped up in the backseat. She is only 10, so this is not something that was made for her ears, but they need to know that their mom was innocent in all of this, and I was the one who messed everything up.
“Because if she never left the packland until she was pregnant with you Casey, and we had no trespasser’s in that time frame, how could Kevin not be mine? He looks just like me, Forest, and Robert. We have the exact same face. It is just his coloring is like you, and your mom’s. He didn’t choose that, just like you didn’t. Graham planted the seed in my head, and I ran with it. I did that because I felt like she had hurt me first, by thinking that she had cheated on me. But she never did, and she stayed for so long, even with the vicious things I said to and about her. She kept trying to get me to see reason, and I refused. All because I wanted to hurt her like I was hurt. But I was the one who messed everything up. Yes, Graham planted the seeds of doubt. I just want you all to see, and learn from my mistakes. I told her that I loved her, but I hurt her the most. I could have stopped, and thought about the accusation, and the source, but I didn’t. I was hurt and so I took it as the truth, accepting it, and going forward with all of Graham’s plans. Willing to do it, because I wanted to hurt her, to break her when she never did what I accused her of. The pack believed it, you all believed it, and my ranked wolves believed it. But if any of us truly cared about her, someone would have stood up for her. That was my job to do, and I failed. I failed Kevin, I failed your mom, and I failed myself” I told them.
I can see them thinking about what I said, and finally, Robert said, “I felt bad about going to sleep on Forest’s side of the room. I know I hurt Kevin doing it. But everyone was on your side, and I didn’t want to be the only one besides mom, to be on Kevin’s side anymore. I believe what was being said by you, and the pack, and even though I felt guilty for doing it, I still did it. I will apologize to him when we get there. I have felt bad for months about doing it. Forest was mean to both of us, but he stopped picking on me when I moved to his side of the room.”
Forest had the grace to blush, and then he spoke up too, “I have thought about it. What all was happening at home, what was said, and implied. Graham was the root cause of my bullying Kevin. I couldn’t help it. Graham made me worry about my position in the pack. I am supposed to be the next Alpha, it is my birthright. But Graham told me that Kevin was stronger and smarter than I was. He told me that Kevin was wanting to take away my position, and that was why he was training so hard all of the time. Kevin was stronger than me, he beat me at every turn, and I didn’t want you taking it away from me, to give to him. So I was glad when you denounced him, telling the pack that he wasn’t your son. I was glad that you never praised him, no matter what he achieved in training. It helped me to become less jealous, but he was always there showing me up at every turn. Graham wasn’t obvious about it, he was very covert. He had me mad at mom for keeping him next to her all the time at dinner. Now that I can think about it, she just wanted to be close enough to protect him, from me. She knew where the danger was going to come from, and she still loved me and cared for me. Giving me advice and being a great mom. I see it clearly now that she is gone. She took care of everything, and nothing will be right again unless she comes back to Black Moon.”
“I miss mom” I heard Casey say in a small voice. I glanced up and see the tears shimmering in her eyes as she looked back at me.
“I know you do baby. If I had known that she wasn’t going to come back, I would have prevented them from leaving. But your mother knew that she had a timeline. Graham did it the way he did to provide her with the most pain that he could. She knew that sometime after the cheating started, Graham would have Forest kill his own brother. She had thought this whole thing out. Your mom is not a violent person, and I know it hurt her two kill Cassandra and the warrior. I bet it was easier to kill the woman that started the end of our relationship. Kara had been very cruel to your mother and I feel terrible for letting her get away with it. Your mother was wasting away, and I am worried that she is not doing well. I just want to see her. I want to tell her how sorry I am, and I will need you to tell her that I stopped with the other women. But she should know that already. She always complained about the pain I gave her when I cheated. I always thought she was lying. I just hope that her love for me is still there, buried deep within her. I just need one more chance to show her how much I love her. I will show her every day for the rest of her life if she will allow me to give her a fresh start, to show her how much she means to me. I will beg on my knees if I need to do so” I said and I meant it.
Whatever I needed to do to win her heart again, I was willing to do it. I will make this right and I will toe the line to show her that my whole life will now be spent showing her how much she means to me. How much I love her. I will never make the same mistakes again. I will make sure that she and my ranked wolves are the only counsel that I need in my life. She is wise and I was a fool to not listen to her. I hope the kids are up to helping me get her back. I do not know what will happen to me, and the pack, if she isn’t willing to come back to Black Moon.
Surprise Visitor