VEDA
The first wave of grief had left me completely numb. As dead as my sister. Although my heart still beat and I could feel the scratch of Luca's
collar against my cheek, inside, there was nothing. I was an empty void.
But before I fell into this blessed numbness, there was pain. Pain that tore through me with razor-sharp claws, ripping me open and leaving raw, bleeding wounds before condensing in my center, where it screamed for release until I couldn't hold it in any longer.
Oh my god, Nicole is gone!
I wished I could believe it wasn't true. I tried to tell myself that he was lying to me. There was no proof. That he was only telling me this so he could make me a token in his sick game, moving me around the board at will.
But he wasn't lying. I knew that was true like I knew my own name, although I couldn't tell you how. And now half of me was gone, a gaping hole in the middle of my chest. How the hell was I supposed to tell my parents? And what the fuck was I supposed to say? I didn't even know what happened to her.
And in not knowing, my imagination went wild. Images of my twin-who looked so much like me-lying dead in an alley somewhere in Mexico, a needle hanging out of her arm and trash strewn around her, and her purse dumped out everywhere. Or worse, raped and murdered, her naked body twisted and bloody and thrown into a landfill or buried in the woods.
The pain clenched my insides again, squeezing my heart until I couldn't take it anymore and everything shut down, leaving me where I was now. Comfortably numb. I would ask him to tell me as soon as he knew more. But not now. I couldn't bear to hear it now.
Luca laid down beside me, and I instinctively turned toward him. Unlike me, he was warm. He was alive.
And I suddenly wanted to be alive, too.
I wanted to feel something besides the pain.
So, I didn't think about what I was doing. I don't think I was capable of processing anything, even if I wanted to.
I was dead inside. Like my sister.
But I wanted to be alive. And he was so warm.
"What are doing?"
"Please, Luca." Please don't fight me. Don't deny me this. I just want to forget, if only for a short time.
After a moment's hesitation, he let go of my wrist.
My heart began to pound as I ran my palm over the hard muscles of his abs and chest, feeling the texture of the soft, curly hair in the center. Luca was a good deal older than me, and he had the body of a fully matured man, not someone who was barely more than a boy. I pressed my hand over his heart. A sign of life where I had none. With a moan, I curled myself around his hard body, soaking in his heat. I was so cold. I wanted to crawl beneath his skin, sink into him until I didn't exist anymore except as a part of him.
His hand gripped the back of my neck and brought my face to his. "Nothing will change if you fuck me, Veda."
"I know." And I didn't care.
I only had time to suck in a quick breath before his lips crashed down on mine, taking what I wanted to give him with brute force and bruising my mouth in the process. In the space of an instant, I was no longer in control.
Luca was. He possessed me like he possessed everything and everyone else here, growling deep in his throat as he demanded entrance with his tongue. I opened for him without a second thought. Yes. Yes. This is what I want.
The world and all of its horrors disappeared, and there was nothing but Luca. His scent filled my nose, like clean laundry and dark spice, and he tasted like whiskey as he ravaged my mouth. Rolling to his side, he wrapped himself around me, shutting out the reason I was here. Shutting out the pain. With lips and teeth and tongue, he drove everything else from my mind.
And still, I needed more.
With a shove against his shoulder, I pushed him onto his back and crawled over his body so I could straddle him. He was thick and hard between my legs, even with our clothes between us. Instinctively, I pressed myself against his chest and rocked my hips so I could feel more of him against me.
Without breaking off our kiss, he suddenly sat up, taking me with him, and flipped me over onto my back. He kissed me once, twice, and then he was gone.
"Luca?" I couldn't help the panic in my voice as I reached out and met nothing but air.
"Shhh... I'm here."
I heard the rustle of clothing. "I can't see you." There was a note of panic in my voice I couldn't contain.
A moment later, the lamp beside the bed came on.
Luca's shirt was gone, but I only caught a glimpse of the broad shoulders and muscular form I'd already seen but hadn't fully appreciated before his lips were on mine again, his hard body pressing me down into the bed, holding in the pain that threatened to burst through the numbness at any moment. I ran my hands over his back, feeling the muscle shift beneath my palms as he held himself over me. Then he was moving, nipping at my bottom lip, my jaw, working his way over to my ear where he whispered, "I've wanted to touch you like this since the moment I first saw you."
I could only whimper in response as he trailed gentle kisses down my throat, pausing when he came to the bruises he'd left. There, he lingered, and although I knew he would never say it, I got the impression he didn't like seeing the evidence of what he'd done.