Chapter Twenty-Six

In timeout for the night, Ginger picked up her phone for the millionth time and opened Kat’s most recent text. The message came through before the image did. Guess you didn’t mess things up too bad after all.

The accompanying photo sucked all the air from Ginger’s chest.

Elliot and Cassie kissing on the observation deck of the Eiffel Tower.

What the hell? If he’d been kissing Jenna, maybe Ginger could have accepted that—fine—it was the inevitable ending anyway, but Cassie? What had she missed?

Jealousy burned in her chest, like a hot branding iron searing her rib cage. The emotional roller-coaster ride she’d been on for weeks finally flew completely off the tracks. She wanted to scream, and she wanted to cry, and she wanted to beat the shit out of both of them.

Not only could this fuck up the ending, but Ginger had been under the impression that all the feelings he’d had about any of the women on the show were completely overshadowed by what the two of them had been sneaking around to do together. But maybe she’d only been one of many diversions, and he’d been catching real feelings for Cassie the whole time. It would explain the macarons and Kat’s involvement, and maybe Cassie was the reason Elliot had been so irritated Jenna came back—because she’d take his attention away from this.

Ginger tossed her phone aside and stalked to the window. The tip of the Eiffel Tower was just visible over the roofline.

It couldn’t have been that easy for him, could it? To get into the spirit of the show after resisting it for weeks? Was this all that had to happen? She had to get out of the way? Or in this case—be forced out of the way. Had she been what had held him back this whole time?

Kat sent her one more photo of Elliot and Cassie all snuggled close taking their own selfie on the esplanade with all of Paris in the background. Ginger should have flushed her phone down the toilet. Cool twist! was all Kat’s next text said.

Ginger needed to seriously rethink their friendship after this. Along with most of her life choices.

Kat redeemed herself with her follow-up text. You okay?

Ginger didn’t respond. A yes or no answer seemed too limiting. Would she be okay? Sure. This was how the show was supposed to go. Thinking it would ever turn out any other way had been an exercise in futility. It had only been a matter of time before Elliot came to terms with reality. She’d told him to wake up, and he’d listened. Ginger was never a real option for him anyway, and even if she had been—he would have chosen someone else anyway. She was too driven—too career obsessed for a man so ready to settle in for a real future. She put her job and the show before everything.

All she knew that night—all there was to know in the whole world—was that she was more in love with him than she ever dreamed possible. She wanted him so badly she would have thrown herself in front of a moving train to get his attention. The only question left to answer wasn’t whether she was okay or not—she wasn’t—it was could she do this? Was she strong enough, savvy enough, driven enough to act as if he’d never meant anything to her?

Because what had they had, exactly? A purely physical arrangement. He got off, she got off, they went their separate ways. So why was it so hard to imagine having something similar with anyone else on the planet? She could hardly stand the thought of standing next to another man, much less kissing someone else on top of the Eiffel Tower.

But he had. Because he was ready to find his forever person, and his options were beautiful and lovely and successful, and as ready for it as he was.

An overwhelming feeling brewed inside her as she paced the floor—a sensation like a dam about to burst. She couldn’t stand it. Before she did something totally off the wall like get on a plane and leave the life she’d built for herself behind, she needed to know one thing—who the fuck was Elliot Hale? The man who kissed Cassie on the Eiffel Tower? Or the man who’d fed her strawberries and told her he loved her not three days ago?

Everyone should have gotten back to the hotel by now. She forced herself into the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face. She’d been planning to text him to let him know she was headed for his room, but he beat her by one second with a phone call.

“Can I come to your room?” he asked.

“I’m in two eighteen.”

It was a risk, but she needed to know who she’d fallen for so whatever decision she made next would be totally informed. She’d been too stupid this season. She couldn’t afford any more mistakes.

His knock came minutes later. Checking first to make sure it was Elliot, she opened the door to let him inside, closing and locking it behind him. He was still wearing the navy-blue shirt Cassie had her hands all over in the photo. “Did anybody see you?”

“I don’t think so…hey—” He reached for her, but she stepped away. “I miss you,” he said, but he let his arms drop.

“That’s not how it looked tonight.”

His eyes went all suspicious. “How do you know how it looked tonight?”

“Kat sent pictures.”

“Of course she did—listen—about that—”

Ginger waved a hand between them. “It’s not important. I want to know whether you meant what you said.”

“To Cassie?”

“To me.”

“Which part?” He took a big step toward her, his hand stroking her arm.

She wanted to hold it still, keep it there, never let it go.

“Yes,” he said. “To whichever part. I’ve meant everything I ever said to you. What’s wrong?”

He sounded like he meant it, but she couldn’t let herself melt. She’d been doing way too much melting lately. But she had to be honest. “When I saw that picture of you kissing her, I thought I was gonna die, Elliot. I didn’t know if…God…” She couldn’t finish. He was breaking her, and she could hardly believe she’d allowed it to happen. Never had she ever let someone get to her like this. Clutching the fabric of her sweatshirt above her heart, she tugged at it, because everything hurt, especially that particular area.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Oh fuck, here it comes. She wasn’t ready. Having him come to her room had been a mistake. Another one. God, if she had a nickel… “Then talk,” she snapped.

He was totally taken off guard, looking at her like she’d grown a third eye. “You’re upset,” he said, acknowledging the painfully obvious.

“I know!”

“I wasn’t expecting that.” He fidgeted, shifting his weight and eventually shoving his hands into his pockets like he didn’t know what to do with them.

Her legs weakened from all the emotions she couldn’t help but repress. Or maybe it was the long day, jet lag—whatever. She let her weight sink to the bed.

“What is this?” He remained standing, frozen in place.

It took Ginger a minute, but eventually, the harsh wave of emotion receded. “You don’t care how all this ends, do you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Kat thinks you’re only looking for a broodmare.”

“I’m not sure I even know what that is.” Like he was settling in for another round of banter, he leaned his hip against the dresser.

“It’s a woman to bear your children.”

He grinned. “I might have put something like that on the application.”

“I don’t even think I want kids,” she said.

“No?”

She shook her head, looking up at him with as much honesty as possible.

“How come?”

“I can barely take care of myself. Six out of seven days a week I don’t even eat breakfast or lunch. And I usually have takeout for dinner.”

“Kids love takeout.”

“I’m never home. I’d be an awful mother, and the thought of a human growing inside me…it kinda grosses me out.”

A quiet laugh puffed through his lips. “Well, you’re right. I do want kids eventually. Not sure about a broodmare, though.”

Ginger’s stomach acid churned up again. She covered her mouth to prevent anything from coming out—words or otherwise. She needed to get her shit together. Pack it up, put it in a pile, and get it the fuck together. “So it’s Cassie then? Not Jenna?”

“Cassie and I talked—”

“No, I know… I know. And I know you’ve liked her since the beginning.”

“I have, but—”

“Jenna was a mistake,” she cut in. “I know that now. She’s a distraction, and it’s extra drama you didn’t need, and I swear to God, I didn’t mean for it to get so complicated.”

“Jenna’s not what made this complicated,” he said.

“You’re right.” She folded her hands in her lap. “This is all my fault. I’m so sorry.”

“Fuck.” He gave up standing and plopped down in front of her, tugging her hands off her lap to grip them tightly in his. “What are you freaking out about?”

“Are you falling for her?”

“For Cassie?” He gave a firm shake of his head. “No.”

“It’s okay if you are. You can tell me. It’s my job, right?”

“Is it okay? Because if you told me you were falling for Matt, I’m pretty sure I’d want to take his head off.”

“You kissed her,” she reminded him.

“She tried to kiss me—first of all. Nothing happened. You can watch the tape. And we have a plan.”

Wait. “What?”

“I told her about us.”

She shoved his hands away like they’d turned into snakes. “You did what?”

“I had to. She was about to leave.”

“So? Why didn’t you let her?”

“Because she’s cool, and I need someone to go to the end with me so I don’t wind up in premarital counseling with Jenna for the next six months.”

The final remnant of Ginger’s control over the situation evaporated in an instant. “What are you doing, Elliot?”

“Creating a loophole.”

“No.” She sat up straight, a sudden realization sharpening her focus, making her see everything as clearly as she had in the Redwoods when she’d burst into Davis’s trailer. “That’s not what you’re doing. What are you afraid is gonna happen if you stop putting people between you and Jenna?”

He didn’t answer right away, and in the gap of silence his hesitation created, the truth hit her hard. All the things The Panel had said—how hurt Elliot had been when Jenna rejected him last season—how he’d all but thrown himself into Ginger’s arms and then Cassie’s… “You’re trying to make her jealous.”

He remained nonchalant, unruffled by the accusation. “I don’t want her here. I told you that. Whether she gets jealous or not isn’t on my radar.”

“Are you planning to tell her about you and me, too?” she asked.

“What? No.”

“It’s not like it’s a secret anymore.”

“I thought you wanted to keep your job.”

“What job? Watching you grope other women while I wait for my next chance to suck your dick? Fuck this job. I don’t want anything to do with it anymore.” Pressing both hands into the mattress, she shoved herself to her feet, stumbling to step around him.

“I’m not sure Jenna’s jealousy is the issue here,” he mumbled.

“And fuck you, too, Elliot. This meeting’s over. You can go.”

He stood, turning to face her as he smoothed the front of his pants. “You’re all over the place right now.”

“That’s because I was trying to figure out what to do, but I think I know now.”

“What? What are you gonna do?”

“I’m leaving.”

His expression hardened, but the fight didn’t leave his eyes. “So now all of a sudden you’re okay with losing your job?”

“Marlon won’t fire me. I have a plan.” She wouldn’t be the first person in the world to fake a family emergency.

“What about us?” he asked.

“Us?”

“You and me. Where does that leave us if you go?”

She gave him a flat stare. “Same place we’ve always been. Nowhere.”

“I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that. You’re obviously upset for various reasons, which you can’t settle on, so I’m gonna go ahead and act like you didn’t say the meanest thing imaginable.”

Ginger threw her hands up. She’d reached her emotional limit. “What do you want me to say? That I have feelings for you? That I want to see where this goes? What good would that do either of us at this point? It’s over. It’s been over since before it started.”

“This isn’t real, Ginger!” He gestured at the room, or more widely at the hotel or Paris. His voice stepped up in volume. “This is all bullshit. It’s fake. It’s a TV show.” He pointed at the floor. “What’s happening here is real—it is for me at least—it has been since day one. I think about you all day, I dream about you—I love you. Have I not been clear enough about that?”

“The contracts you signed weren’t fake. They’re as real as it gets. When you came back to the show, you eliminated me as an option.”

“You weren’t interested!”

“You were coming back on the fucking show!”

“Is that was this is about? The fact that I came back?”

Yes! “Why did you do it? If you wanted me, why did you come to the only place in the world where you couldn’t have me?”

“Because I gave up! I wanted a guarantee. I couldn’t live with the goddamn uncertainty of will she pick me, will she write back—did it mean anything? I was sick of pouring my heart into something and having it shoved back in my face. I didn’t want to feel this.” He gestured between the two of them before turning away to drive both hands through his hair.

Her heart broke. Again. “Then why? Why go after me the way you did?”

“Because when I saw you again…I couldn’t help myself.”

Neither could she. She’d never fought an enemy as powerful as her attraction to Elliot Hale. Losing to it had been a forgone conclusion. Falling under his spell was no big surprise, but if physical attraction had been all there was to it, she’d have had more than her fill of him by now. The problem was—there was more. Way more. And that had been the biggest surprise.

But something had to give. She’d ruin the show if she stayed, but that wasn’t what scared her. She was afraid the show would ruin her. The only thing she could do to save everything was leave. Paris, the show, Elliot.

She knew it was the right thing because it was the hardest to imagine. Every molecule of her body resisted the notion. But it would get easier. As the days and distance between them grew, the pain would fade, her memories of him would dim, and something would rise up to take their place. Another show, maybe even another love. An opportunity to have it all. It had never been this.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I hope you can still find what you’re looking for.”

He stared back at her in disbelief. “I have.”

She couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes. “No. You want kids and a normal life and a house and a guaranteed plus-one. I’m not that girl. I don’t want those things—we’re in two totally different places.”

“Then I’ll meet you where you’re at.” He eliminated the distance between them with one step, taking hold of both her arms. “Ginger—for fuck’s sake, tell me we have a chance, don’t give up.”

“You did. It’s why you’re here, right? You understand.” She shrugged out of his grip, stepping away. It was literally the hardest thing her body had ever had to accomplish, including the time she’d tried to surf. This wasn’t like trying to catch a tide, though. It was like trying to reverse one.

He stood frozen, shaken, and silent.

She turned her back on him. His wrecked face was too much to take. “I hope you give Jenna a chance. I hope you stop hiding behind Cassie because she’s great, but despite what you’ve said all along, you came here for a great love. And she came back for you.”

His exhale was sharp and powerful, incredulous.

“You can still find what you’re looking for out of all this, Elliot. But I can’t hang around to watch it.”