SHE

SHE
  The lone flower followed me all the way to the clothes store, and I got new clothes for the art museum, I had shot a quick text to Connor, asking him if he was free to meet today, his reply could not have been quicker, he said yes, asked for the time and where he should pick me up from. Smiling to myself as I picked out my clothes, I hoped he was watching, so I put on a performance of a life time, humming and giggling to myself when I look at my phone, like a girl would if she was texting someone she was interested in.
 By them time I returned home, I had two lone... well, not alone anymore, sunflowers, I tuck them into the vase, locking the doors behind me. I still had time to kill before the time I had agreed to meet him, so I dive into the book I had been reading the other day, and even with the thought that I was alone and there was nobody to peek over my shoulder and see what dirty things I was reading, my cheeks flamed.
 Those kinds of things that were explicitly described in the book and more had been done to me by Abed. Nobody else would do such a thing, I could not even imagine doing any of that with Connor. Bolting upright as the thought hit me, was there really no other person in the world who could do them? I was certain those things were fictional, until I met Abed, I was sure other people were out there, of course.
 My eyes fall on the clothes I had gotten, a very revealing top, the neckline dipped, and the skirt I got was almost as short as Joanne’s belt like skirt, the one she promised to get for me, Abed would have to watch me be with another man wearing this. I smile to myself, this plan was perfect.
 On a second thought, wouldn’t my actions hurt him? I wasn’t trying to sleep with Connor... wait, it wouldn’t hurt him since he only needed a wife to deceive his father, he didn’t care who I slept with, he didn’t care about my feelings at all...
 Swallowing my thoughts and the hurt I was feeling, I return to my reading, but everything I read only gave me memories of us together, all the times his hands caressed my body gently, he knew how to call to my body and have it respond in ways I never thought was possible, he was an expert at that.
 Shaking my head, I leave the book, opting for my phone instead, I find myself scrolling through a thread on tweeter,
 ‘How to forgive someone?’
The first question there knocks the wind out of me,
 ‘Are you ready to forgive? The thing about forgiving someone is, it is never or them, it is always for you...’
“Alright, that is enough for me.” I stop reading, how was it for me? I was hurt, unforgiveness was the only way I knew to fight them. My eyes fell on the dress, and maybe being petty.
 By the time I was dressed, I was two minutes late, I had asked Connor to pick me up a little distance away from the short-let, you can never be too careful.
 “Wow... I uhm... you look amazing.” he says when he sees me, his eyes wide as he takes me in.
He was in a white button up, tucked into white pants, and white shoes, 
“And you clean up nice.” I say truthfully, you could see he made an effort, he looked amazing.
He chuckled and holds the car door for me, this was not Abed’s car, I swallow, I won’t be going into his car anymore, I slide into Connors's, it was nice, the red and black sleek interior, a small, fake camera on the dashboard.
 He climbs into the driver’s seat and I input the address, he raised a brow as he stared at the address, 
 “You know it?”
He chuckled,
 “Yeah, I have been trying to get my piece into these doors for a while now, but it hasn’t happened yet.” he says with a chuckle as he starts the car.
“Their loss really, they should be begging for you.”
He chuckles, I could tell he was really nervous,
 “I thought you were never going to text me, or call me, and I didn’t want to call you in case you were on set or something.” he says really fast, like he had been practicing the words.
It was cute, but it was not making me want him, I was attracted to the kind of confidence Abed had a lot of, the confident eyes, confident stride, it made me weak in the knees, this one was new to me, and instinctively I knew, I knew I had tapped a drug and was hooked, cute and simple men like Connor were never going to do it for me anymore, I was fucked.
 “I know I shouldn’t, but can I take photos of you today, if you give me a limit, I will stick to it.”
For the first time, I was getting what Fie fie called, the ick, I should keep thoughts about Abed to minimum, actually, banish them, he was forbidden from my head.
 We walked up the grand stairs of the museum, and I let him, he grins, pulling a camera from heaven knows where, he took a lot of pictures of me, at first I wasn’t sure what to do, until I remember, I had been a model, and the poses from other people’s social media pictures came flooding to me.
 He laughs when we were finally done,
“You look like you were enjoying yourself.”
I nod, slightly out of breath, “Yes, I had modeled before, but it was just work, and the paparazzi at award events were just work too, this is fun.” I say with a grin, I had started my fun film for real.
 Shyly, he reached for my hand, and I hold his arm instead, two red spots appear on either sides of his cheeks, and we walk inside. As we watched each piece, Connor took candid shots of me appreciating art, he didn’t stop taking pictures, it was like he was drunk on his passion.
 It was starting to grate on my nerves, for I only wanted to watch the art, the first few pictures were cute, but he wouldn’t put the camera down. I only had to change positions slightly and he would click a photo.
 Until something catches his eyes, or his lens, he drops the camera from his face, and I was able to exhale, I had stood still, expecting him to stop, but he kept going.
“That is Mr. Hexton.” he says with reverence,
A frown lines my brows,
“Who?”
“Mr. Hexton, the owner of this museum, he understands art like no other, this is my lucky day, can you give a minute? I have to pitch my art to him.” he says this with his eyes following this renowned art man.
 “Sure.”
He bolts off before I can say more. I smell him before I see him, his hand circles my wrist and he pulls me along with him. My mouth opens to tell him off, instead I am being thrown against the wall, and his mouth covers mine.