Chapter 55 Don't Throw Me Away
Christian’s Point of View
“Christian!” I heard my name followed by multiple repeated bangs on the door, my eyes darted from the iPad in my hands, and towards the door, where the endless knocking came from.
“Lana?” I muttered in disbelief as soon as I recognized her voice. What was she doing here so early in the morning? I got up from my bed, slipping on my flipflops, before waltzing to the door.
Her beautiful amber eyes hardened the moment they saw me, and I could see my reflection in her eyes. For a minute, I was lost in how ethereal it feels to gaze into her eyes… It’s like staring at the rising sun.
“Hi, babe.” My lips twisted into a smile on their own. I was filled with the urge to kiss her, but I couldn’t kiss her right in the hallway, so I grabbed her by the front of her shirt and yanked her inside.
“Was it you?” She asked curiously, and my eyebrows shot up almost immediately. “Were you the one who paid for my family’s debt?”
Oh… that?
Was that the reason she was so worked up?
I leaned in towards her, my fingers taking hold of the short strand of hair that rested on the shell of her ear, and I brushed it lovingly.
Wondering if she would love me more when she realized that I did… if she could show me a little bit more consideration if I could prove to her that I cared.
“Yes, I did,” I admitted with a smug look on my face, because I wanted to be her knight in shining armor. “I had the money, and I just couldn’t watch my girlfriend suffer, so in my way, I just had to help.”
“Who asked you to do that?” She yelled at me, sending her fists to my chest, and my eyes narrowed at her in confusion.
Was she angry?
“I don’t understand, you didn’t want me to pay for it?”
Her hands went into her hair, and tears stirred in her lovely amber eyes. My feet remained rooted in confusion as I gaped at her, trying to understand what was going on.
“I only told you because I needed someone to talk to in that moment, and you made yourself readily available.” She pushed against my chest even further. “I didn’t give you permission to take care of my debts overnight just because you have a lot of money.”
Silence settled on us as I tried to understand what was going on.
“You needed my help.” I reminded her.
“No!” She yelled, the tears leaking out of her eyes. “I don’t need your help; we would have found a way to settle it.”
“How?” I queried. “You were planning to drop out of school, so you could work some part-time jobs. Now, tell me, how many jobs do you think you would work to get you thirteen million before the end of the week?”
My chest tightened with irritation. “Had I not stepped in? You would have been homeless at the end of the week!”
She laughed, a type of sad, bitter laughter that came from the depths of her soul, mirroring her frustration, except that I didn’t know why she was so angry at me.
When all I did was try to help her.
“Barely hours in, and you’re already flaunting how you ‘saved’ my family, when I didn’t even ask for your goddamned money!” She yelled once more. “It must be nice, right? Having so much money, you can flaunt your millions in my face whenever you want.”
“I wasn’t trying to flaunt my wealth.” I corrected her, my voice a little softer, and even though I felt insulted, I knew I needed to be reasonable. “I only paid that because I wanted to help you.”
“You already helped me by listening to me.” She wiped the tears from her eyes. “You shouldn’t make me feel like I burdened you to help me, or I approached you intentionally because I knew you could help me.”
“You’re good for nothing, little bastard.” I was suddenly reminded of the words my mother used to say to me, as she shoved me away. They sounded very similar to the things Lana was saying in this moment, and they tore at my heart.
“If only you’re a little more like Xavier.” More of those words flooded into my head, and they made tears well in my eyes.
“Is there anything you know how to do, right?”
The disdain in those cold blue eyes that belonged to my mother tore me apart every time she reminded me how much of a failure I am, and no matter how hard I work, I would never be half as good as Xavier.
“I will find a way, and return every single dime of your money by the end of the week.” Lana’s voice came back, redeeming me from the terrible nightmare that threatened to take over me.
A sharp pain started in my chest. I didn’t want Lana to be tired of me as well; I didn’t want her to be mad at me…I don’t want her to choose Xavier over me as well.
“Until I do, please don’t try to talk to me again.”
“No…”I grabbed her arms before she could leave. “Please, please, Lana, just try to understand me.”
My voice quivered as I held on to her; she aggressively wiped the tears from her face.
“I didn’t want you to feel indebted to me, nor will I ever feel burdened by you.” I felt my knees buckle before they smashed into the ground. I held Lana’s legs tightly, and she stiffened in response, trying to step back, but I just didn’t allow her.
Tears flowed endlessly from my eyes, and to hide the shame, I buried my face in her thighs, wiping my tears along the fabric of her pants.
“It’s just that you were such a good master to me, I thought about a way to repay you.” More tears slipped out of my eyes. “I didn’t mean to make you angry.”
“Christian…” She sounded shocked.
“Please don’t tell me not to talk to you.” I pleaded even more, as I felt the darkness slipping into my heart, hovering over me, and threatening to swallow me. “Please don’t return the money, too.”
“Wait… Christian.” She tried to pull me up, but I didn’t budge, I wanted to remain on my knees.
I didn’t deserve to see her face… not after making her cry.
“I’m sorry,” I implored, the darkness wrapping itself around me. “I should have spoken to you first. I won’t do anything without your permission again. Please stop being mad at me.”
Tears slipped out of my eyes nonstop, my chest tightening, and just when the darkness was about to overwhelm me, the light came to destroy it.
Her soft hands held my jaw, and the darkness vanished.
She raised my face, looking into her eyes that kissed me like the sun.
“Don’t cry.” She urged me, her voice caught in her throat. “I’m sorry, I got a little too emotional…I shouldn’t have…”
I got up and pulled her into a hug, my fingers threading through her hair, as she sobbed in my chest. “I was honestly surprised when my brothers called me this morning to tell me about the money being paid already.” She sobbed even harder in my chest. “It felt like a cruel dream, I thought I would wake up soon—what I wanted to say was thank you. I’m so sorry for making you feel bad when all you did was help me.”
“It’s okay…” I muttered as I wiped the tears from her cheeks with my thumb. “You’re my master, you are allowed to use me as much as you like, however you like, please, just don’t throw me away.”