CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT

We enjoy a wonderful dinner as Mandy shares stories about her college life at Michigan and tells me about Finn, her new boyfriend.

I listen intently, laughing as we joke about guys and their strange obsession with keg stands.

"When are you applying to college?" she asks midway through dessert. "You were planning to stay local at first. Is that still the plan?"

I nod. "Yeah, I think I'll apply for the spring semester." Even though I now have the means to attend any university, I have no real desire to alter my plans. The money sitting in my account feels unreal, and I'm oddly hesitant to use it.

"That's amazing," Mandy says, grinning. She seems unusually energetic, almost like she’s excited about something.

I soon find out why.

"Hey, Ella," a familiar voice calls from behind just as we're about to pay the bill.

I jump, startled. Spinning around, I find myself staring at Ace—the guy I had gone on a date with that fateful night when Lucifer took me.

The same guy Lucifer hurt to keep me in line.

He looks almost unchanged—shaggy, sun-kissed hair, warm brown eyes, a strong build. But his expression is different. His face is tight with tension, and the wariness in his eyes hits me like a punch to the gut.

"Ace..." It feels like I’m seeing a ghost. "I didn’t know you were in town. I thought you were away at Michigan—"

Then it clicks. Turning to Mandy, I give her an accusatory look. She just beams at me.

"I hope you don’t mind, Ella," she says cheerfully. "I told Ace I was coming to see you this weekend, and he wanted to come along.

I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it, considering everything—" her cheeks flush slightly, "—so I just mentioned that we'd be here tonight."

I blink, my palms growing clammy. Mandy has no idea about the beating Ace endured because of me. That detail was something I only shared with the FBI.

She probably thinks seeing him might stir up painful memories of my abduction, but she can’t begin to understand the overwhelming mix of guilt and anxiety twisting inside me.

Ace knows I’m responsible for what happened to him—I can see it in his eyes.

Forcing a smile, I keep my tone light. “Of course I don’t mind,” I lie effortlessly. “Have a seat. Let’s get some coffee.” I motion toward the empty spot across from us and settle back into my own. “How have you been?”

He returns my smile, his brown eyes crinkling at the corners in a way I once found charming. He’s still one of the most attractive guys I’ve ever met, but whatever pull I once felt toward him is gone.

The crush I had on him back then is nothing compared to the all-consuming fixation I have for Lucifer—the dark, desperate hunger that keeps me restless at night.

When I lie awake, my mind drifts to the things Lucifer and I used to do—the things he made me do, the desires he trained me to crave. In the solitude of the night, I surrender to forbidden fantasies.

Fantasies of sharp pleasure wrapped in pain, of dominance and surrender, of violence tangled with lust. I ache for Lucifer—the man who awakened this part of me.

The man who is now dead.

Shoving that unbearable thought aside, I refocus on Ace’s words.

“—couldn’t even step foot in that park for months,” he says, and I realize he’s recounting his life after my abduction. “Every time I did, all I could think about was you and where you might be... The police said it was like you vanished into thin air—”

I listen as guilt and self-reproach twist deep in my chest.

How can I feel this way about a man who committed such terrible acts, hurting so many in the process?

How depraved must I be to love someone capable of such cruelty? Lucifer wasn’t some misunderstood soul, forced into darkness by circumstances beyond his control. He was a monster. Plain and simple.

A monster I miss with every fiber of my being.

“I’m so sorry, Ella,” Ace says, pulling me from my spiraling thoughts. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you that night—”

“What?” I stare at him, stunned. “Are you serious? Do you even realize what you were up against? There was nothing you could’ve done—”

“I still should’ve tried.” His voice is thick with regret. “I should’ve done something, anything…”

On impulse, I reach across the table and place my hand over his. “No,” I say firmly. “You are not to blame for this.”

From the corner of my eye, I see Mandy fidgeting with her phone, pretending not to listen. I ignore her. Right now, the only thing that matters is making Ace understand that none of this was his fault.

His skin is warm beneath my fingers, tension thrumming through him.

“Ace,” I say gently, meeting his gaze, “no one could’ve stopped this. No one. Lucifer had resources that would put a SWAT team to shame. If anyone is at fault, it’s me. You got caught up in this because of me, and I’m truly sorry.”

My apology is about more than just that night in the park, and he knows it.

“No, Ella,” he murmurs, shadows darkening his brown eyes. “You’re right. It was his fault, not ours.”

And in that moment, I realize he’s offering me something deeper than reassurance—he’s giving me absolution. He wants to free me from my guilt, too.

I smile and squeeze his hand, accepting his peace.

I only wish I could give myself the same.

Because no matter how much I tell myself that Lucifer was a monster, no matter how much I know he was beyond redemption, I still love him.

No matter what he did.

No matter what he destroyed.

No matter the scars he left behind.

Some loves refuse to die, even when they should. Some obsessions sink their claws so deep, they become a part of you. And sometimes, the most dangerous thing in the world isn’t the monster in the dark—it’s the one inside your own heart.