Chapter 32 The past I couldn’t get over
Isla’s POV.
I was organizing some scattered files on my desk when someone mentioned a donation drive for sick children.
It was supposed to be a casual remark, but my heart froze.
My mind flashed back to my past. I could see my mother’s face. The way her hands clutched faintly to her blanket.
I couldn’t remember the last time the thought of her held so much weight in my heart.
The office around me gradually disappeared. And then the hum of computers and clicking of keyboards, even the presence of Damian felt blurry.
I recalled sitting at her bed, holding her hand, and feeling it slip out of mine. It felt too cold and light.
He was never there. My father, he was always busy or perhaps he never cared about anything that had to do with us.
I remembered when I begged him to stay, I begged him to help or at least show some care.
Every attempt I made ended with an impatient smile or some work excuses.
He only cared about himself, his riches, and his own plans.
My mother’s life was drained by illness, and he gave nothing but his absence.
I tried to shake those thoughts off my head, but I didn’t stop.
I had learned earlier that crying would never solve anything.
And that fear could be carried silently.
And strength meant hiding every emotion in you.
My hand shook as I tried to pick up a file. I set it down immediately.
Damian’s eyes were on me. He didn’t say anything yet, he just watched. And that scared me more than what was going on in my head.
The way he could notice that there was something going on in my head made me unsettled.
I tried to straighten myself, to snap off my thoughts and pretend that I was fine. But nothing changed.
The more I tried to resist, the more I remembered.
My mother had always been a gentle and nurturing person.
Even on the sick bed, she would smile at me, and whisper words of encouragement.
She would tell me that I was strong enough to face the world without her.
And I hated whenever she said those words to me.
Why would she send me into a world I didn’t understand? I would be alone, and afraid with my father’s shadow all over me.
And then, the day she died. The scene was still fresh in my head. I will never forget what that day looked like.
That day it rained so heavily, as if the sky would fall down. The sterile smell of the hospital and her hand slipping from mine.
My father was standing as if he just needed to be there. There wasn’t any sign of emotion in his face, he was just watching the whole situation without a word.
I had screamed and cried my eyes out, that I could barely hear my own voice.
I felt every inch of his betrayal toward my mother. How did she even fall in love with him?
And just like that, my childhood ended.
I didn’t even get to stay with her or say goodbye as I had wanted. Not even a time of comfort or a permission to mourn.
He moved on immediately. Not even up to a year, and he remarried.
The first time I met her, Josie’s mother, though I didn’t know it then.
I hated her without a second thought.
She smiled like she cared. She spoke softly like she belonged. But I always knew why she was here.
She was here for status. She was here for wealth and convenience.
Even now, I still had that memory and the distrust lingering in my chest.
I took a deep breath and tried to snap my way back to the present.
Damian still laid on my desk, he had been watching me the whole time, as if he was waiting for something.
“What’s going on in your head?” He asked.
I shook my head. “I’m fine,” I murmured.
“You don’t look fine,” he corrected gently. “You look like you’re been haunted.”
I quickly looked away. I didn’t want him to see the storm brewing in my head. I didn’t want to explain anything.
“I’m okay,” I said again. Firmer this time even if I knew it was a lie.
He gave a nod, like he was just trying to acknowledge the lies I told him. “I’m always here to talk if you need to.”
I didn’t answer. I just couldn’t.
The office door clicked open. An assistant needed something. I responded cooperatively, but my thoughts were elsewhere.
I recalled my mother’s voice, frail but unwavering. “Protect each other,” she said. “Always look out for your brother.”
I had promised her, even in the moment of grief, that I would protect Iris.
I promised her that I would be strong and that I would never let anyone, even my father, temper with him.
And now, I was still carrying that promise no matter what happened. I carried it like it was the only reason I was still surviving.
The day started like every other one. But my mind wasn’t here, I was struggling with my past memories.
I was stuck in past memories and decisions that weren’t mine, and it got me angry.
I was always careful. Careful not to let anyone control me or to appear weak. But the past always had its ways of clawing back at me.
I took a sip of water and felt the taste catch in my throat.
Damian crouched beside me. “You want to step out?” He asked quietly. “For fresh air?”
I shook my head. “I’ve got some files to sort out.”
“You’re always working like the world is ending.” He said.
I turned to look at him. There was concern, yes, and also patience.
One I was never used to. I’ve always hid my fears, my weakness and my heart. And yet, there was someone who could see it.
I wanted to tell him how I felt. The anger, the fear, and the resentment toward my father, but I didn’t, and I couldn’t.
He touched my shoulder lightly, and I didn’t pull away.
“You can handle it,” he said. “But you don’t have to do that alone.”
I nodded slowly, letting his words smooth the heavy ache in my chest.
The afternoon also passed as usual. Emails answered, calls returned, and I was still lost in my own thoughts.
When the office emptied by evening, I stayed behind.
Damian didn’t rush me. He just stood by, offering his presence rather than interference.
I recalled the hospital corridor again, the rain dripping from windows, and the way my mother’s hand was fragile on mine.
And the day my father remarried. How quickly she had appeared. Smiling and trying to fit into the world that made my life a nightmare.
I hated him for choosing her over me and my brother. I also hated her for pretending to be kind when I knew the truth. I hated the way everything had been taken away from me.
And yet, I had survived and grown stronger.
I leaned back in my chair, closed my eyes briefly, and let out a slow breath.
Damian still stayed observant.
The memories didn’t go away, they never did. But for the first time in a long time, I realized i didn’t have to face then alone.
I didn’t know how to navigate this new presence, and this care. But I knew that I would give it a try.
When I opened my eyes, the office was dark. The lights outside the city reflected on the windows, brightly.
Damian remained a quiet anchor in the storm of my thoughts.
And for the first time since my mother’s death, since my father’s choices, since my childhood ended too soon, I allowed myself to have a moment of stillness.
A moment of my survival. I didn’t want to be weak and didn’t want to depend on anyone.
But maybe, just maybe, someone could stand with me, without taking from me.
And maybe if I was careful, that someone could be Damian.
I didn’t say it out loud, I just felt it.
Outside, the city continued without a pause. And inside, the office was still.
And for the first time in years, I didn’t feel alone.