CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT — HIS HEART

Elaine forced herself to take his sight away from Tan. Although she didn’t want to, but her eyes voluntarily landed at Janine, who remained seated in her chair. She took the water goblet on the table and slowly drank it.

Elaine flinched when she felt Marco clutch on her shoulder. She raised her eyes at him. He looked down. He clenched his jaw when he saw she was about to cry.

She swallowed the imaginary lump in her throat. Before the tears begin to fall, Marco hurriedly geared her towards the exit.

One last time, she turned to look at Tan. He was also looking at them. The emotion that’s evident in his eyes was unreadable to her, for her own eyes have been blurred with tears.

She bit her lip hard, her chin is quivering because she’s reigning her emotion. She wants to cry but is being held back by Marco’s tight hold.

While walking out of the restaurant, Elaine wished Tan would run after her. Wished that he would take her hand. Wished he would explain to her why he was with Janine. That he would say it was just coincidental, that he was just forced to go out on a date with her because of pity. Because even if it was a blatant lie, she would believe him.

But they got out the restaurant and got to ride Marco’s car, no Tan run after her to get her back.

“Are you going to run after her?” asked Janine when Tan threw the table napkin he was holding to the table. She wiped her mouth with her table napkin. Carefully she put it back on her lap before looking up to him. “How long are you going to do this to yourself, Tan?” she asked. “ Since that girl came back, you seem to have forgotten so much.”

When he didn’t reply, she continued.

“How long are you going to hurt me? In the years that passed, I’ve done nothing but help you forget about Elaine, but all my efforts were all for naught,” she said with bitterness in her voice.

Tan picked up his briefcase which he put on the other chair. Janine stood up when he turned his back at her. Her eyes were welling up with tears as she was staring at his back.

“You still love her. That’s why you agreed to this dinner to tell me and to rub it in my face. Am I right? That is also the reason why you still wanted to break up with me even if your contract with her should have only lasted for six months.”

Tan slightly tilted his head towards Janine. He didn’t have to confirm it to her, from the start, she already knew the answers to her questions.

He went on to leave. He stopped himself from going back to return to where Janine was sitting.

Marco parked the car by the side of the road. He turned to Elaine. He handed her a handkerchief as he saw the tears streaming down her face.

Elaine took it from him. She was biting her lip hard.

Marco let out a heavy sigh. He opened the car door and went out. He gently closed it, and leaned on the car outside.

Asking her how she feels wouldn’t work. And he knew in that moment, Elaine isn’t capable of telling him.

Even though he is outside the car and the door is closed, Marco could still hear her crying from the inside. He just could not bear to watch her. Elaine may not be saying it, but he could feel deep down how heavy the burden she is carrying in her heart.

After almost half a minute has passed, the passenger door of the car opened. Elaine went down with her head bowed down. He was just looking, following her get around the car to go towards him.

Without looking straight at him, she reached out to give him his handkerchief back. “Thank you. I’m okay now,” she claimed, unsure and with a shy smile.

Marco accepted the handkerchief and tightly clutched it in the palm of his hand.

“I’m sorry I ruined the night.” Elaine scratched the back of her neck. “I don’t know why I feel so emotional these past few days…”

It wasn’t days. You’ve been hurting since you left him, Marco replied in his mind.

“D-do you want to eat? The convenience store is just walking distance from here.”

How can I? When the woman I like is in so much pain right now.

Elaine cleared her throat. The guy kept staring at her at and she feels awkward. She can’t even look him straight in the eye because of embarrassment. For half an hour she was bawling her eyes and wailing inside his car.

“I know it’s not expensive there, but I promise to treat you in fine dining restaurant next time. For now, let’s just make do with ready to eat, I’m really hungry already. Is it okay with you or would you rather find someplace else?”

Marco cleared his throat. Looked away. “They have rice and sisig inside. Buy me two of it, mineral water and orange juice.”

She tried to make her voice sound energized. “Let’s go?”

“Let’s go,” he replied.

As Elaine went ahead walking to the store, only then did Marco release a heavy sigh.

Once they were inside, Marco took it upon himself to choose what they would eat. He got nonfat milk aside from the ones he mentioned earlier.

“I thought you said, just rice and sisig?” she said pretending to complain. She hasn’t seen him smile yet since.

Marco put the sisig, heated in the microwave, in front of her. “That’s for you. I’ll pay. Just eat.”

Elaine put her lips together. Faced the food set in front of her and tried to clear her mind of any worries.

Mang Chito’s forehead wrinkled when he saw Elaine entering the bistro. Even Drew and Macon and some of the regulars they were entertaining, all had their eyes fixed on her.

From the convenience store, She asked Marco to take her to Baclaran. He won’t accept not dropping her off there, when he knew she isn’t going home to Viejo. It’s very late at night and the road is dangerous.

“Good evening, ‘Tang,” she greeted Mang Chito. She went straight to the room, she knew she is being followed with inquisitive stares by those she passed by.

She removed the sunglasses she was wearing and put it on the durabox. Marco lent it to her a while back before she got off the car. Her eyes were swollen.

She laid down on the bed after letting out innumerable sighs. She stared at the ceiling. Even just for a short time, Marco was able to make her feeling much lighter. But now that she’s alone, she is feeling the pain in her heart once again.

Just like before, Marco didn’t ask questions. That is why she wasn’t put in an awkward situation. She just don’t know how, but she knows that the guy knows who Tan is and the girl he is with.

Elaine is thankful that Marco was with her that time. Her dignity was saved somehow when she didn’t cry in front of them.

She closed her eyes. She was right, Janine had an ongoing relationship with Tan, despite the fact he is married to her.

Come to think of it, there is nothing she can do and she knows she doesn’t have the right to question Tan.

It is really just so painful because if everything cannot be back to the way it was before, Elaine knows there is no one else to blame but herself.

Everybody could call her selfish. She didn’t mind. Come to think of it, it is just Tan’s forgiveness she is after when she came back and nothing more.

But she dared demand for more. His heart.

She was that greedy, egocentric bitch who could not afford to give him up despite the fact that she already lost him three years ago.

Elaine smiled bitterly. She opened her eyes. Tan was forced to marry and live with her because he had no choice. She used the problem at Textile to imprison the man in a marriage. Even though she knew that aside from disappointment, disgust and anger, the guy feels nothing else for her.

She hugged the pillow and covered her face with it.

She was in that state for thirty minutes when the door burst open. It was Drew who appeared at the door. She sat down. She looked away when she noticed he was studying her face.

He crossed her arms in front of his chest upon entering. “Mang Chito is calling for you,” he said.

“Is he going to send me away again?”

“What do you think?”

She took her bag. Stood up.

“Where are you going?” asked Drew.

“To go find a hotel outside.” Then she stood.

He clacked his tongue. “What happened in you and your husband’s house?”

She didn’t answer.

Drew sighed. “Go to the old man in the rooftop. I think he will be asking you why have you been crying there.”

She stared at her friend. “How did he know?”

Drew rolled his eyes. “ Who wouldn’t know? You are wearing those huge sunglasses while the proud moon outside is just so round and full and huge.”

She didn’t have an answer.

“Who let you borrow that?” he asked, pointing at Marco’s sunglasses.

Elaine was wavering while walking towards the rooftop of the bistro. She is carrying her handbag and holding Marco’s sunglasses in one hand. She is going to look for a hotel to spend the night. She also didn’t want the old man to worry about her.

At the end of the rooftop where they used to drink before she saw Mang Chito. He was sitting in front of the rocking chair he bought years ago. The old man was facing the bright view of Baclaran.

Elaine cleared her throat to make her presence known to the old man. “I’m about to leave, ‘Tang. I’ll just come back the next day.”

When the man remained still, she motioned to leave.

“Is it that hard?” he instantly asked. She turned back. Mang Chito left his seat and stood, facing her. “Is it that hard to forget about everything?” he softly asked.

She didn’t have an answer. It was just one question, and her eyes are starting to get tearful. In a long while, that was the first time he talked to her seriously.

“A wound, if it is too deep, would be difficult to heal. If you try to force it, that single wound, one day could become two, three…to too many.”

Elaine blinked her eyes. She opened her mouth but decided to just close it again.

“If it is too difficult already and the pain is too much to bear, it would be better while it is early, to let go, Elaine. Set yourself free. Don’t make the same mistake again. Don’t hurt yourself again or your husband.”

Tan inhaled deeply. He lost count as to the number of times he checked the time on his left hand.

He tried to go after Elaine a while ago but he was too late, she was gone. He went straight home and looked for her. Even when he arrived to a locked gate and the lights are off inside the house, like a fool, he still went inside the room. He twisted the door knob and pushed the door open. Only to be welcomed by darkness.

Tan switched on the light. When the brightness spread around the house, he stepped inside and sat on the side of the bed.

He took a deep breath. He smelled the scent of Elaine’s expensive perfume. He was like that for a few minutes before he forced himself to stand and leave.

He quickly changed his clothes. He cannot remember how or what time he started to wait outside the gate. He just knows, he wasn’t at ease. Especially because until that time, Elaine’s cellphone battery is dead.

He saw the pain that went through her eyes while looking at him and Janine a while ago. He wanted to believe that emotion he saw was real. Just as the pain he felt was so real when out of nowhere, Marco appeared and just took her away.

Jealousy kicked him hard right in the gut but he didn’t have the courage to do what he really wanted. To approach them, remove Marco’s hand on her shoulder, and reclaim his wife from him.

Tan felt it in his bones, on the very day he and Elaine rode the same elevator. No matter how thick and high the walls he was trying to build may be, one day he won’t be able to stop his heart.

So when Janine confronted him and pleaded to continue their relationship after six months, he declined. Because he knew, he will just cause her pain over and over again.

Tan stopped walking when his cellphone rang. He quickly retrieved his cell phone from his pocket thinking it was Elaine calling.

It was hi papa’s acquaintance from immigration who was on the other line.

“I’m sorry for calling this late. I just received the information now from our head,” he said.

He got nervous. His hold on the phone tightened. “Have you found out?” he asked.

The one on the line cleared his throat. “There was no record of your wife leaving the country for the past five years, hijo. Elaine was just in the Philippines for the past three years.”