Chapter 73

Bella.

Impatiently, I tapped my feet while eagerly awaiting an email that could potentially change my life.

Earlier, Mary had informed me that today was the day when the selected artists for the upcoming Manhattan exhibition would receive their emails. I had been waiting for the past thirty minutes, my nerves running wild. The fear of not being chosen loomed over me, but I tried to ignore any negative thoughts and instead focused on the positive, having faith that the email I desired would arrive.

Applying with my previous works for the first stage gave me a boost of confidence. Professional critics had acknowledged my past creations, which bolstered my belief in their quality. However, I could only hope that my work aligned with what the organizers were looking for and that they deemed me talented enough to proceed to the next screening stage.

Once I cleared this initial screening and received an email confirming the merit of my previous works, I would have to submit the pieces I wished to exhibit in Manhattan. If my works didn't fit their criteria, I risked rejection, missing out on the opportunity to join the esteemed group of artists participating in the exhibition.

Passing both screenings was my fervent desire, as it would be a tremendous relief, especially considering the notable figures who would attend the event. The thought of not passing the first stage filled me with a sense of anxiousness, and I could foresee a long period of depression if I faced rejection.

"You know, sweetie, if you keep staring at your phone like that, you might end up damaging your eyesight," Mary's voice chimed in from behind me, diverting my attention from the screen.

"I highly doubt that staring at something for too long will make me lose my eyesight. Right now, I just want the message to arrive before I lose my sanity," I replied, observing as she approached and took a seat in front of me.

The expression on her face indicated she had something she wanted to say, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to listen to her attempt to encourage me by claiming that it didn't matter whether I was chosen or not, as if it wasn't a pressing matter for me.

"Bella, you really shouldn't let your thoughts go down that path because it will only end up negatively affecting you. I understand your eagerness for this opportunity, and it's undoubtedly significant, but whether you get chosen or not, I don't want you to base your worth and talent on this one situation. Even if it doesn't work out, the result should not define your capabilities," Mary spoke with genuine concern, and I let out a sigh.

I knew she would say something like this, and though I loved and appreciated her, sometimes I felt she couldn't fully understand my desperation.

Not only was she already a successful artist who didn't need validation, but she also had the support of her family, making her journey less daunting than mine.

"I can't promise you that I won't be affected because I know deep down I will be, and it's a feeling I can't help. This opportunity means so much to me, not just as validation but also as a chance to make life-changing connections," I expressed, trying to convey the depth of my emotions.

Rejections have been disheartening, and I don't want to deceive myself into thinking everything will be okay regardless of the outcome. If I keep facing rejection, it might lead me to believe I'm not good enough, and I refuse to put myself in that position when I truly believe in my talent.

I realized that Mary alone won't take me as far as I want to go; I need to build more connections. While I appreciate Mary's connections, I need to reach out to more prominent names who can help propel my career.

I distinctly remember my encounter with David Ketch, and he promised to attend my next exhibition. However, to summon the courage to invite him, I must first add new accomplishments to my portfolio, worthy of such an invitation.

If my artwork gets recognized at the exhibition with hundreds of industry giants present, I could make crucial connections that would promote my work further. My ambition is to have not only David but other influential figures attending my future exhibitions as well.

"I don't want to pretend that I don't understand where you're coming from because I do. Your desire to prove your family wrong is commendable, but I'm concerned that you're losing faith in yourself and starting to rely on this single opportunity to validate your worth. As much as I empathize with your desperation, I don't want you to hinge your talent solely on this chance, nor should you diminish the significance of your past achievements," Mary responded with a mix of understanding and caution.

"You have so much potential, and your current achievements are not to be undermined. Many artists out there haven't experienced the level of success you've had in such a short time. You should acknowledge and celebrate how far you've come in less than a year," she advised, her words bringing me immense relief.

Hearing her perspective was crucial because I had been placing tremendous pressure on myself. While I had been painting for a long time, it had been less than a year since I fully committed to pursuing my passion professionally after leaving my family. I constantly feared that I wouldn't be able to catch up to those who started earlier.

I realize some may find my fear irrational, as there is no specific age bracket for artists to begin their journey. However, I felt disadvantaged for a long time, fearing it would take me longer to adjust to the professional art world.

Fortunately, I was fortunate enough to meet Mary, who encouraged and inspired me to follow my heart and pursue what I loved. Her support led me to achieve milestones I didn't expect to reach so quickly. I understood her message—she didn't want me to disregard my accomplishments due to the possibility of rejection.

Sighing, I responded, "Mary, I completely understand your point, and I agree that I shouldn't let any outcome diminish my progress. It's just that a few weeks ago, I was struggling immensely, and only recently have I started to gather myself and overcome those emotions."

"It would be disheartening if I were to face rejection because I really want this opportunity. I'm putting all my effort into creating something exceptional that will captivate the attention of influential individuals who can help promote my work. I will take your advice to heart and not be too hard on myself, but I can't promise I won't feel disappointed because, honestly, I will," I calmly expressed, and she smiled understandingly.

"I won't ask you to suppress your disappointment because, honestly, I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes. I have full confidence in your amazing artwork, and I believe the individuals overseeing this selection process will recognize your talent. However, I advise you to maintain faith without turning it into a make-or-break situation, as that can become problematic," she advised, and I nodded in agreement.

"I'll take that to heart. I'll push aside any negative thoughts because I want to have faith in myself and believe that my work deserves to be accepted," I responded, and she chuckled softly.

"That's excellent to hear. About your emotional state in the past few weeks, I sensed that your emotions were reflected in your artwork. Though I haven't seen your new paintings, I hope that you're getting yourself together because it's crucial," she expressed.

"This exhibition won't be your sole opportunity, and even if it doesn't work out this time, there are countless other chances waiting for you. However, you need to create something remarkable that captures people's attention. There are thousands of talented artists out there, but you must ensure your work stands out among the rest. That's how you'll take your career to new heights," she encouraged me, emphasizing the importance of strength in my art.

I understood her message and wholeheartedly agreed. I felt confident about my new artworks because I poured my heart and soul into them. Unlike the past couple of weeks when I battled with depression, I finally regained control over my emotions. I could now confidently say that what I was working on surpassed my previous paintings.

"Rest assured, what I have in store is truly awe-inspiring. Right now, all I need is the platform to showcase my art to the world and reveal its depth and breadth. I won't disappoint you, my teacher," I reassured her.

She smiled gently, then got up and pulled me into a comforting hug.

"I believe in you, and I have every confidence that you will impress the world. You won't fail," she replied, and I hugged her back, watching her leave the room.

A few minutes after she departed, I tried to divert my attention from my phone, although it remained in the back of my mind. Suddenly, I heard the sound of a notification, and I rushed to check it. Finally, it was an email, just as I had been hoping and praying for.

Without wasting a second, I opened the message. However, as I read its contents, my heart sank to the pit of my stomach.

A wave of overwhelming emotions hit me, and I felt an intense urge to cry and vomit. In my shock, I inadvertently dropped my phone, collapsing back into my seat.