Chapter 94 Chapter 0094
•ROWAN•
Two days felt like forever when all I had to look at were stone walls that didn’t change no matter how long I stared at them.
The silence made everything worse because it left too much space for thoughts I didn’t want to have.
I counted the blocks on the first night, tracing them with my eyes over and over until I reached forty-three.
And then I started again when I lost track, because counting was easier than thinking about my father and what might be happening to him somewhere above me.
I kept my jacket on the whole time, curling up against the wall whenever I tried to sleep.
But the floor was too hard and every small sound from outside the cell made me jump awake before I could rest properly.
And by the second night, I stopped trying because it felt pointless.
So I just sat there with my arms wrapped around my knees, staring at nothing and trying not to think, even though that never really worked.
Because I kept thinking about Cassandra.
I was six the last time I saw her, which was old enough to remember things but not enough to understand them properly, so what I had left were pieces that didn’t always feel real.
I remembered her hands the most, because they were always warm and steady whenever she touched my forehead or held my hand.
I remembered her laugh coming from the kitchen in the mornings when she and my father thought I was still asleep.
Then one day she was gone and banished from our pack, and no one explained it in a way that made sense to a six-year-old.
Nadia stepped in and became the perfect mother. She made me feel as if I had gained another mother in a short period after Cassandra left.
Even though I knew that I had wanted her gone before her banishment, it hurt when I saw my mother being dragged away like that.
But because I believed that Nadia would close the gap until I forgot my mother, it never happened.
I told myself I didn’t miss Cassandra, repeating it so many times over the years that it became something I almost believed, because it was easier than feeling like I was betraying the person who was still there.
But sitting on the cold floor of that cell, with nothing to distract me and no one to tell me what I was supposed to feel, I understood that I had been lying to myself the whole time.
I missed her.
I missed my real mother.
I pressed my head back against the wall and stared up, remembering the time I had called Nadia “mother” in front of Cassandra and the way her face had changed for just a second, something I hadn’t understood back then but couldn’t stop thinking about now.
I was crying when the cell door opened, and when I saw Nadia, I straightened up and wiped my tears. I didn't want to think that I was weak.
She walked in carrying a plate with dry bread on it and looked at me without any real concern, like this was nothing unusual.
“You look terrible,” she muttered.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked. "I thought you were my mother, and that you loved me. You promised never to hurt me. But you're here now, hurting me!"
She set the plate down near the door and looked at me. “What are you talking about?”
“I am talking about what you're doing,” I answered, forcing the words out. “Locking me in here, hurting my father, acting like we did something wrong.”
I took the cup of tea from the floor and drank all of it. I was so thirsty that my throat was starting to itch.
“We?” she repeated, scoffing.
“My father,” I replied. “Where is he?”
“He’s being taken care of,” she replied, and something about the way she said it made my stomach twist.
“What does that mean?” I asked, even though part of me already knew I wasn’t going to like the answer.
“It means things will change from now on," she answered. “Once your father is no longer a problem.”
My chest tightened as I stared at her, trying to understand what she was really saying.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
She met my eyes without hesitation. “I don’t want to hurt a child, Rowan, because that was never my intention, and when your father is gone, you’ll be taken out of here and given something useful to do in the pack house.”
My stomach dropped, and I felt a huge lump in my throat. I couldn't breathe for a moment.
“What did you do to my father? I panicked. "Where is he?"
She didn’t answer, and she didn’t need to, because the silence told me everything.
She picked up the empty cup from the floor and placed it back on the plate like none of this meant anything.
“I’m not a monster,” she answered before turning away. Then she left, and the door locked behind her again.
I stared at it, my heart beating too fast as I tried to think about what I needed to do, because I couldn’t stay there and wait while something happened to my father.
I pushed myself up, trying to stand even though my legs felt weak and unsteady.
The room started to spin before I could take a proper step, and I reached out but missed the wall as I fell.
The last thing I felt was the cold stone against my face. And then everything went dark.