Tired.

Tired.

Chapter Seventy-Seven
TIRED

Artemis lay in his bed listening to the movements. He didn’t need to step out to know what was happening. Just as he asked, Lucian was taking out everything. The sofa, the rug, the plants, every single piece of decoration he’d gotten. 
He stared at the ceiling replaying the devastated look on Lucian’s face when he pretended not to remember their date. He turned over his bed, pulling the covers over himself. 
His chest felt tight. Those misty blue eyes replayed over and over in his head. It was the third time this week he was seeing the man on the verge of tears. He wanted to retaliate for everything Lucian did to him. To make him feel the same pain.
Yet every time he saw him, he couldn’t believe this was the same man who let him get shot multiple times just because he could. He thought hard about it. Even as a bodyguard, Lucian’s duty was to protect him and knowing Trevor, the man had sent out a memo regarding that mission beforehand. 
Artemis was always the last to know about a mission that directly involved him. Trevor always made sure to set up protection first. 
So why? Why let him get hurt when he could have done something? 
It was one of the major reasons he couldn’t bring himself to trust Lucian. A few bodyguards hurt him as a kid but they were also strangers. Lucian was the first to hurt him as an adult and it felt more vile because Lucian didn’t just gamble his body but his life as well. And this man was supposed to be his person. His lover.
Artemis groaned into the pillow. He knew he shouldn’t let Lucian back in. The man had played him in every way possible. Even now, he was still very certain that Lucian was hiding something. This whole desperation act could just be another ploy to use him. 
But those ocean blue eyes didn’t look like they were acting. He could see the rawness in them. 
Artemis rolled back to face the ceiling. 
“I'm just a fool, aren’t I?” He muttered into the empty space. “He hurt me so bad and yet… I can’t even stay angry at him. I'm so easy that I ran away rather than put a bullet in his fucking head…”
He sighed. “Even running didn’t work cause he’s here again. Letting me hurt him until my walls collapse all over again. Giving me the illusion of power just so I can surrender myself to him. He’s going to hurt me again… I just know he will…”
Tears burned the corners of his eyes. “I hate you… I hate you so much…”
For making me this weak. 
For sucking me in so deep that I can’t escape. 
The front door closed and he pushed himself out of bed. Artemis walked out of the room into the empty living room again. A chill ran through him as he stepped into the empty space. The house was quiet. Unnaturally cold. 
Lucian didn’t miss a single piece. 
Artemis walked to the window. Lucian was standing there, hands in his pockets talking to the men. How much did he spend fixing up the place and trashing it at the same time?
He turned away from the window, walking towards Lucian’s room. He hesitated for a moment. This was an invasion of privacy. 
“It's not like he thought about it when he invaded mine,” Artemis huffed, pushing the door open. The tab, computer and notebook were still on the floor. He walked over, curious to see what Lucian was working on.
Was the man making next semester notes for Kingston already? That wouldn't be surprising since he was such a workaholic. He'd never seen anyone put so much effort into a fake job.
However, when he picked the notepad, he was met with something totally unrelated to coding. Artemis’s eyes skimmed through the page. He didn’t even realize he was smiling until a dull ache tugged his chin. 
“Crazy asshole. It’s just an hour, not a lifetime,” he muttered, then realize he was still smiling. He frowned and dropped the notepad. He’d never thought about doing any of those activities but seeing them listed out and carefully planned made him want to try out every single one of them.
He cursed softly, running his hands through his hair. He was definitely going to think about this all week. 
Something across the room caught his attention. It was a big ass brown box. Normally, he wouldn’t have paid any attention to it but it had his freaking name on it.

He walked over to the box.

“To be fair, we can’t call this invasion of privacy cause it practically has my name on it,” he defended, opening the box. There were a bunch of items in it, all fully boxed so he couldn’t tell what anything was at first glance. He was about to reach for a box when the door opened.
Artemis spun around with a pounding heart. Lucian walked into the room with a tired expression. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Artemis. His eyes flickered to the box and seeing it open, his heart sank even deeper.
Artemis’ face remained blank so Lucian couldn’t tell if he saw the contents or not. Lucian didn’t utter a word and just sat on his bed. He noticed the notepad had been moved as well. 
A small sigh fell off his lips. 
“I was going to give it to you on Saturday. After our date,” his voice came out hoarse. “i’ll take it out if you don’t want it.”
Artemis eyes flickered to the big box. What was in it that Lucian was so willing to throw it out? Was it cheap? There were multiple boxes in there so he wasn’t really sure. 
“Do what you want,” Artemis shrugged. 
Lucian nodded slowly. “Understood.”
Seeing him so lifeless made Artemis soften. He wanted to just walk out but his feet took him towards Lucian. He stopped in front of the man whose head was lowered. He stared at the mop of red hair in front of him and without thinking, he ran his fingers through it. 
The contact made Lucian look up. The misty blue eyes made Artemis’ heart clench. The fragile hope glinting in them made Artemis want to give in but something inside hesitated. 
“I want to ask you something and I need you to be very honest with me,” Artemis finally spoke. 
“Okay.”
“What is it you’re really after? Do you really want me or am I just a stepping stone in your game plan?” he asked. Surprise flickered across Lucian’s face. “I've thought hard about it but I still can’t wrap my head around it. I know who you are and what you do but at the same time, it feels like I don’t really know you…”
Lucian swallowed. 
“Tell me what you’re really after Lucian. If you can’t even do that, then there’s no meaning to any of this.”
Artemis searched those blue eyes. He wanted Lucian to be honest with him. Just this once. 
“I want you Art…” the words rolled off Lucian’s lips almost as easily as breathing. “Just you.”
Artemis’ expression dropped, so did his hand. A deep wave of disappointment hit him. He didn’t think Lucian was lying about wanting him but it also wasn’t the whole truth either.
The man either didn’t trust him enough to share or whatever his real mission was—was going to hurt him deeply. He thought of walking out of the room but changed his mind and turned towards the box.
He walked over and turned it over, emptying the contents on the floor. He could feel Lucian’s gaze on him but ignored it and settled on the floor to open them one by one. 
The first item was a bedside diffuser. There were some essential oils too. Lavender, cedarwood, chamomile. Artemis stared at the item with genuine confusion. Then he noticed the small note tucked by the side of the box. 
He unfolded it.
“The reviews said these help people fall asleep easier. I don't know if they'll work for you... but I hope they do.”
Artemis's brows drew together.
He set the note aside without saying a word and reached for the next package. It was a little lighter than the first. He opened it to find a pair of premium noise-cancellation headphones. 
The note inside was simple.
“I hope they help you sleep longer.”
Artemis had rarely slept because of his insomnia and when he did manage to fall asleep, the slightest noise often woke him up. This was one of those items he didn’t know he needed. 
The next item was a weighted blanket. It was the biggest of all the boxes here. He unfolded part of it and it felt very soft yet surprisingly heavy. 
At this point, Artemis was smiling like an idiot. He picked out the note. 
“I spent three hours reading reviews before choosing this one. Apparently the weight should match your body. I hope I got it right.”
Artemis looked down at the blanket.
Three hours...
For a blanket?
The next item was a little heavy but smaller. The minute he opened it, his stomach twisted in recognition. 
Inside was Medical-grade scar care products. He knew because he’d done research about it once but it was out of stock at the time so he settled for tattoos and after that, he just couldn’t stop. 
He reached for the note inside, his fingers trembling slightly. There was nothing except one simple sentence written in stunning cursive letters. One that made his heart flutter. 
“You're beautiful, Art.”