Chapter 16 - Craig

Craig opened his eyes. Housekeeping was rattling their carts down the hallway outside the hotel room door, and there was lively conversation going on just a few doors down. The hairs on the back of Craig’s neck stood on end as he heard housekeeping knock on a door a few rooms over.

He didn’t want them to come in.

Craig propped himself up on his palms and looked across the room. Jack slept in the next bed over, buried beneath the blankets like he’d cocooned himself. Regret twisted in Craig’s stomach.

What the hell had he done?

He remembered last night in fits and bursts. Off-the-charts chemistry led to kissing. He’d tasted Jack’s sweet lips and known the caress of his hand. They’d fallen into bed together. Jack took their cocks in his hand. Craig had fucked against him, desperate to shoot.

He’d been so hot for Jack, he couldn’t stop himself.

What the hell was wrong with him?

Regret turned into panic. Craig ran his hands through his hair and tried to talk himself down from what he felt, but he couldn’t. How could he have done what he’d done? He’d pushed Jack into bed and begged to fuck him. He’d…

Craig felt sick.

He scrambled to get out of bed. The noise woke Jack, who yawned and rolled over to face him. Jack’s eyes were lidded with sleep and his mouth was soft and relaxed. Craig wanted to slip in beneath the blankets and kiss him until his lips were raw.

No!

“Morning, sunshine,” Jack said sarcastically. It was like nothing had happened.

Craig managed to escape the sheets. He stood naked before Jack, awkward and uncertain what to do. Half of him wanted to push his fear aside and embrace his attraction and need for Jack, but the other half was very vocal that it was not comfortable with the choices he’d made.

Jack yawned. “I put the pizza in the mini-fridge last night if you want something for breakfast. It reheats really well. I mean, not much use here, but when we get it home, it’ll be fine.”

“Right.” Craig sounded flighty. “Great.”

Jack’s expression saddened. “I think maybe we should talk…”

“I need to shower.” What Craig needed was to escape, but that wasn’t going to happen. A shower was the next best thing. “I trust you with Isaac.”

“Okay.” Jack frowned. “But—”

Craig fled for the bathroom and closed the door before Jack could finish his thought. Once the door was closed and locked, he leaned against it and exhaled until his lungs felt flat. What had he done?

“You’re so stupid,” Craig whispered to himself. “You are probably the most stupid person on the planet. You finally get a best friend and then what? You beg him to let you stick your dick in him?”

He scrubbed at his eyes and stepped toward the shower. What he needed most of all was a chance to forget. Last night he’d been tired, and because he was tired, he’d easily fallen under Jack’s spell. That had to be it. Craig needed comfort and Jack was there to provide it. Jack was handsome, and understanding, and wonderful. It was natural to be attracted to someone like that. And with everything going on in Craig’s life, it wasn’t outlandish for him to seek out comfort in its physical form.

That had to be it. It wasn’t because he was gay.

Craig ran the water a little too hot. When he stepped beneath the shower, it burned. He let it. The discomfort roiled in his stomach and left him feeling sick. He needed to forget what he’d done last night, and that meant scrubbing every trace of Jack off his body.

Jack came on me. He came all over my dick. It was so fucking hot.

“Stop it,” Craig uttered. He popped the top off the bottle of hotel shampoo and lathered with it.

He was starting to get hard.

He needed to come clean and let Jack know that it was a mistake. Jack was proudly gay, and he had to be confused. Craig didn’t want to hurt him. He needed to fess up and admit that he’d made a mistake. If he was going to live with Jack for the next few months, Jack needed to know where they stood.

Jack needed to know that Craig wasn’t going to do this again.

Craig finished lathering and washed the shampoo out. He scrubbed his body as best he could with a washcloth, then turned the shower off and dried. He realized he’d left his clothes in the bedroom, so he wrapped the towel around his waist, took a deep breath, and unlocked the bathroom door. When he opened it, Jack had Isaac’s car seat on the bed. He was coaxing Isaac to eat.

Their eyes met.

Craig broke into pieces all over again.

“He’s being fussy this morning,” Jack said. “Won’t eat his mush. I’m going to bust out all my top rated dad tricks, see what I can get him to eat.”

“Yeah,” Craig said uneasily. He sidled across the room and found his boxers. He slipped them on beneath the towel. “Great.”

He couldn’t bring himself to talk to Jack. He wanted to be willful enough that setting Jack straight wasn’t a problem, but whenever he looked Jack’s way, his resolve crumbled. When Jack was with Isaac, Craig wanted to stick it out and see what could happen between them. They were too cute together to resist.

But he knew better.

Craig dressed, hoping that his clothing would establish a barrier between himself and the man on the next bed. He was partially right. Craig felt less exposed when dressed, but on the inside, he was still reeling about his choices.

“I, um,” Craig said.

Jack looked up from Isaac. With a little bit of luck and a lot of skill, he’d gotten Isaac to eat. “Yep?”

“I want to talk about… you know.”

“Yeah, I do know. Lemme finish up with Isaac and we can talk. I want to make sure this little guy has a full stomach.”

Craig nodded. He sat lamely on the bed and waited while another man cared for his son. Jack had all the grace and finesse he didn’t. He knew how to care for Isaac where Craig fell short.

It was a hopeless feeling.

Isaac ate. Jack cooed at him and encouraged his cooperation. When Isaac ate his share, Jack put the car seat back on the desk and sat back on the bed. He faced Craig.

Craig didn’t know if he was ready anymore.

“So,” Jack said uneasily. “You wanted to talk.”

“Yeah.” Craig picked at the knee of his jeans, uncomfortable. “I wanted to talk about last night.”

“I figured.” Jack kept his tone even, but Craig heard mild distress hidden behind his words. “Why don’t you get it all out at once and we can work out the rough partsafter?”

“Okay.” Craig kept his gaze locked on his knee. If he looked up at Jack, he would fall apart. “Well. I… I’m not gay.”

Jack didn’t laugh in Craig’s face, so Craig considered that a success.

“I’m not gay, and I don’t know why I did what I did last night, but I want to tell you that I’m sorry. I know that it wasn’t right of me. I feel like I’ve been leading you on, and that’s about the last thing I want. I really respect your friendship and I truly hope that this doesn’t change anything between us. I…it was just a one-night thing. That’s all.”

The silence that followed was loud. White noise buzzed in Craig’s ears. The moment made him sensitive to it. Housekeeping’s carts in the hall. The conversations of whoever loitered near the door. The clink of ice tumbling from the inside of the ice machine. The dull hum of vacuums. Footsteps. The ding of an elevator. There was so much life going on around him, but Craig was trapped in the small part of the world he shared with Jack. It felt like there was no way out.

“I figured,” Jack said lightly. He wove his fingers together, elbows resting on his knees. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, too.”

“You’re sorry?” Craig asked. He was confused. “Why?”

Craig made the mistake of looking up. Jack’s hazel eyes were on him. A lump of regret rose in Craig’s throat. He couldn’t look away.

“I’m sorry because I knew you were straight, but I kissed you anyway,” Jack said. “If I’d been respectful of you, I wouldn’t have done that. It was wrong of me, and I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t you,” Craig said. “If I didn’t want it, I would have turned you down. Instead, I did everything I could to get you out of your clothes.”

Jack laughed, but it was strained. “Yeah, I guess you did.”

“It was my fault and I’m sorry. I really am.”

“You don’t need to apologize.” Jack’s fingers tightened. Craig saw the tension in his arms. “I knew what I was getting into going into this. It’s not like it comes across as a really big surprise that the guy who had a son by one woman and who was engaged to another is straight. It’s okay.” Jack shrugged a shoulder. His gaze broke from Craig’s. Craig realized he’d been holding his breath. “You shouldn’t have to apologize for your sexuality. That’s really backwards. I don’t ever want to have to apologize for mine, and I should extend the same kind of courtesy toward you in turn.”

“I…” Craig didn’t understand the struggles of being gay, and he knew it. “I wish I could make it right to you somehow, though, you know?”

“You can make it right to me by continuing to be you,” Jack said. He lifted his gaze and smiled at Craig, but there was pain in his expression. “We’re friends. I don’t want that to change.”

“Best friends,” Craig corrected. “You are my best friend, Jack.”

“You’re my best friend, too,” Jack said. “… Don’t tell Lane.”

Craig laughed. He couldn’t help himself. As somber and terrifying as the situation was, Jack was still his old self. Nothing would dampen the spirits of the man Craig had come to admire so much.

“So,” Craig said. “Do you think we can forget last night happened?”

“I’m already pretending all we did was eat pizza and zone out to some brainless movies on TV,” Jack replied. “Sounds about right for us, right?”

“Definitely.” Craig stood. He was startled to find his knees were weak. The panicked feeling in his gut was gone, but it was replaced by the dull ache of disappointment.

What was he disappointed about? The conversation had gone even better than he could have hoped. Jack was still willing to be his friend and they’d never talk about what they’d done last night again.

“I think I’m about ready to hit the road,” Jack said. “Are you ready to go home?”

“Yes.” Craig shouldered Isaac’s diaper bag and looped the car seat over his arm. “You got the pizza?”

“On it. I wouldn’t forget.”

They left the hotel room, and the night they’d shared in it, behind.

The drive home was uneventful. Isaac was a dream in the car. The bumpier the ride, the more soundly he slept. Craig hoped he’d always be a good traveler—if he had it his way, Isaac would know the world.

A little less than three hours after they left the hotel, Craig and Jack arrived back in Dekalb. They pulled up to the house. It was only when they pulled in the driveway that Craig noticed someone he didn’t recognize sitting on the bench on Jack’s porch.

“Oh god. You’ve got to be kidding me,” Jack breathed. It looked like he’d noticed the stranger at the same time.

The stranger turned his head to watch the car progress. Craig thought that he looked vaguely related to Lane. They shared the same slender body type and feminine face. Only Lane was all about positivity and energy—there was something about the stranger on the porch that gave Craig the wrong kind of chills.

Craig squinted as he pulled into the garage. “Who’s that?”

The look on Jack’s face said it all. “… Hunter, my ex-boyfriend.”