Chapter 25
Chapter 25
The sheets were too soft, too warm, too comforting. Alexandria lay curled against Jonathan’s chest, her cheek was pressed to the steady thump of his heart, his arm lay heavily and possessively around her waist. His fingers traced slow, lazy circles along her bare spine, and every now and then he pressed a quiet kiss to her temple or the damp hair at her forehead.
The room smelled like sex and him; his clean cologne mixed with sweat and the softer smell of her perfume. For a handful of minutes, her body had gone limp and floaty, completely boneless in the afterglow, the ache between her thighs was a dull, satisfied throb instead of the desperate burn it had been for days.
It had felt… good. Safe, even. Until the shame slammed into her like a freight train. Her stomach suddenly twisted violently, the gentle stroke of his hand on her back suddenly felt suffocating instead of soothing.
This wasn’t right.
None of this was right.
She was naked in her professor’s bed, still wet and dripping for him, and he was holding her like she was something precious instead of the pathetic, broken girl she had become.
'What the hell did I just do?'
The thought hit sharp and cold. She had begged him, spread her legs for him, came around his cock while sobbing like a child. She had let her thirty-year-old professor fuck her senseless in his own bed, and now she was letting him cradle her like a lover instead of the student she actually was.
She was truly losing her mind.
Her breathing hitched. She felt so disgusting and vile. Eighteen years old and this was what she had become? A desperate little whore who couldn’t even make it through one semester without crawling into her professor’s bed.
She stiffened in his arms, every muscle locked up at once. Jonathan felt it immediately, his hand paused on her back, but she didn’t give him time to react. Panic exploded in her chest; she shoved hard against him immediately, her palms slapped flat against his chest as she pushed back and began scrambling backward across the mattress.
“Get off me,” she gasped, her voice cracked. “This isn't right.”
She tumbled off the edge of the bed, her legs were shaking so badly she nearly collapsed. She felt wetness trickle down the inside of her thigh and she hated how it felt, hated the proof of what she had done.
She snatched her blouse from the floor and clutched it to her naked breasts like he hadn't already seen all of her. She backed away until her spine hit the cool wall. Jonathan sat up, the sheets slid down to his hips. His face was calm, but his eyes sharpened as he watched. She was spiralling.
“Alexandria,” he said, his voice was still low.
“Don’t.” The word came out strangled, she didn't sound like herself at all. Tears were already spilling down her cheeks hotly. “Don’t say my name like that. Like this is okay, like you didn’t just fuck your student.”
Her hands trembled so violently she couldn’t even get the blouse on. The fabric twisted uselessly in her grip till she got frustrated. A broken sob tore from her throat.
"I let you get inside my head,” she cried quietly. “I let you mess me up so much. What kind of person does that? What kind of girl am I now?”
Her throat felt so tight, she couldn't bteathe. She could see it all so clearly, she could see the future she was throwing away. The girl her parents had raised with every advantage, the straight-A student who was supposed to be going somewhere, now reduced to this: naked and crying on the floor of her professor’s bedroom because she couldn’t control her own body.
“I hate this,” she choked out, sliding down the wall until her bare ass hit the cool hardwood. “I hate what I’ve become. I hate what you've turned me into.”
She was crying so much, she was hyperventilating now, her chest was heaving in short, panicked bursts. The room felt too small, the air felt too thick. Her mind spiraled faster, feeding her every terrible thought.
Everyone would be ashamed of her if they every found out; her parents, her mom would most certainly say she'd told her so. She'd be finished if anyone from school found out, she'd be expelled.
“I can’t breathe,” she whimpered, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes. “I can’t...... I shouldn’t be here. This was a mistake. A stupid, disgusting mistake and I let it happen because I’m so stupid.”
Jonathan rose from the bed, completely naked and unbothered by it. He crossed the room in steady strides and crouched in front of her calmly. Her first instinct was to push him away, and when she tried to, he caught her wrists gently but firmly, pulling her hands down so she had to look at him.
"Breathe,” he said, low and even.
She shook her head, trying to yank free. She wasn't going to let him get into her head again, she wasn't going to let him mess her up all over again.
“No. Let me go. I need to leave. I need to get out of here before I completely lose my mind.” she said, she was crying so much.
But he didn’t let go. Instead he pulled her forward, wrapping her up in his arms even as she struggled weakly against his chest. She lpushed at his shoulders, but he held her tighter, one hand cradling the back of her head while the other stroke slow, soothing passes down her spine.
"Shh,” he murmured against her hair. “I’ve got you. Just breathe with me. In… and out. That’s it.”
She fought him for another few seconds, her son's turned raw and guttural, but the fight drained out of her as quickly as it had come. The panic crested and broke, leaving her shaking violently in his lap on the floor. Her face pressed into the warm skin of his neck, tears soaked his collarbone as the sobs kept coming uncontrollably.
“I hate myself,” she whispered brokenly into his skin.
Jonathan held her closer, rocking her gently.
“You’re not a whore, and you're not disgusting. You’re overwhelmed. This is intense, it’s a lot to carry. But you’re safe here. You don’t have to run from it.”
She clung to him despite herself, her fingers dug into his shoulders like he was the only solid thing left in the world. The shame was still there, something about the way he held her so firmly made her feel like she'd stopped falling apart at the moment.