Chapter 81 The Long Road of Regret

Chapter 81 The Long Road of Regret

POV: Caelum

I travel alone.

No guards. No banners. No crown.

Just me and the road and the growing cold.

The first village I pass through recognizes me.

Word has spread fast.

The heir. Abandoned. Unraveling. Dangerous.

People scatter when I approach.

Hide their children. Bar their doors. Watch from windows.

I do not blame them.

I can feel myself deteriorating. Control slipping day by day.

The rage bubbles just beneath the surface. Constant. Exhausting.

But I do not attack.

Do not command. Do not dominate.

Just pass through quietly. Take what I need. Leave payment. Keep moving.

They expect a monster.

I refuse to become one.

Not again. Not anymore.

The second village is worse.

They have heard more detailed rumors.

The heir who bled a girl for years. Who discarded her when convenient. Who chose power over her life.

They spit when I pass. Curse me. Throw stones.

I let them.

Accept the punishment. The rage. The contempt.

I deserve all of it.

A child approaches. Maybe seven.

Holding a rock. Ready to throw.

His mother pulls him back. Terrified.

"Do not. He is still an Alpha. Still dangerous."

The child looks at me. Studies my face.

"He does not look dangerous. He looks sad."

Out of the mouths of children.

Truth I cannot escape.

I am sad. Broken. Dying slowly.

And everyone can see it.

I keep walking.

By the third village, I stop seeking shelter.

Just camp outside. In the cold. Alone.

Safer for everyone that way.

My control deteriorates faster now.

Episodes of rage. Uncontrolled shifting. Violent tremors.

I chain myself at night. Silver restraints I bought from a blacksmith.

Lock them. Throw away the key in the morning.

Better to wake trapped than to wake covered in blood.

The nightmares come every night.

Nyra bleeding. Always bleeding.

In cages. On stone. In streets.

Blood soaking everything. My hands. My mouth. My soul.

And her eyes. Always her eyes.

Asking why. Begging. Breaking.

I wake screaming.

Every night. Same nightmare. Same guilt.

During the day, I call myself names.

Coward. Monster. Failure.

They all fit.

I was a coward. Too afraid to confront the system that crowned me.

I was a monster. Using her blood without question. Without care.

I was a failure. Failing to protect the one person who needed it most.

All true. All deserved.

The fourth village turns me away completely.

Will not let me enter. Will not sell me supplies.

Just point north and tell me to keep moving.

I do.

What else can I do?

I have no authority here. No power. No right to demand anything.

I am just a broken man walking toward death.

And they know it.

The cold intensifies.

I am getting close to the Icefield now.

Can feel it in the air. In the way my senses dull.

In the way dominance stops mattering.

My wolf whimpers. Uncertain. Afraid.

This is unnatural for Alphas. This absence of hierarchy.

But I push forward anyway.

Because she is there. In the north. In the void.

And I need to reach her.

Need to apologize. Need to beg. Need to try.

Even if it kills me.

Especially if it kills me.

That would be justice. Consequence. Truth.

I camp one final night before the Icefield.

Chain myself as usual. Swallow what little food I have left.

Try to prepare for what comes next.

But how do you prepare for facing the person you destroyed?

How do you find words for unforgivable things?

How do you apologize when sorry will never be enough?

I do not know.

But I will try anyway.

The nightmare comes again.

Nyra. Blood. Chains.

But this time it is different.

This time she speaks.

"Why did you come?"

"To apologize."

"I do not want your apology."

"I know. But I need to say it anyway."

"Why?"

"Because you deserve to hear it. Even if you do not accept it. Even if it changes nothing."

"It will change nothing."

"I know."

She looks at me with eyes that feel nothing.

"You destroyed me."

"I know."

"You let them bleed me."

"I know."

"You chose power over me."

"I know."

"And now you come seeking forgiveness?"

"No. I come seeking to face truth. To acknowledge what I did. To accept consequence."

"The consequence is you die."

"I know. And I accept that."

She tilts her head. Studying me.

"You truly accept it?"

"Yes. If my death gives you peace, if it serves as justice, I accept it. Gladly."

"That is not brave. That is cowardice. Choosing easy death over hard living."

"Then I live. If that is what you demand. If that is the punishment that serves justice."

"You do not get to choose. I choose. Always."

"Then I accept your choice. Whatever it is."

She smiles. Sad. Broken. Free.

"Good. Because I choose to let you live with what you did. Live with the memory. Live with the consequence. Live with knowing you destroyed the only good thing you ever had."

I wake.

Dawn is breaking.

The chains are locked tight. My wrists bloody from pulling.

I do not remember struggling.

But I must have.

I find the key. Unlock myself. Stand shakily.

Today I reach the Icefield.

Today everything changes.

I walk north.

Into the cold. Into the void. Into truth.

The temperature drops sharply.

My senses dull immediately.

Smell fades first. Then hearing. Then the instinctual understanding of hierarchy.

All of it stripping away.

Leaving just me. Just human. Just broken.

I stumble. Fall. Force myself up.

Keep walking.

One step. Then another. Then another.

Toward her. Always toward her.

The Icefield stretches before me. White. Endless. Beautiful in its cruelty.

I take the first step onto the ice.

And collapse.

My strength fails completely.

I lie in the snow. Unable to rise. Unable to continue.

Just breathing. Just existing.

Waiting for the end.

Or the beginning.

Whichever comes first.