Chapter 648 Chapter 648
He chewed slowly. It was a little dry and tough but still better than half the meats in the dehydrated kits.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said.” She sat across from him, watching him over the fire.
Swallowing, he washed it down with a swig of water. “Oh?” He had no idea what she was talking about.
“Yes. When you said, I haven’t lived.”
Capping the water, he played with the rice on his plate. “It’s true.”
“Have you?”
He gave her a questioning look.
“Lived. You’re always alone. Is that living?” She set her plate down, pulled her legs up, and hugged her knees.
“I like the quiet.”
“No one to talk to. No one to hug when you’re sad or scared.” She sat there without moving, just watching him.
Blowing a breath, he set the plate in front of him and picked up the stick to poke the fire.
“I’ve missed everything in life that a girl would experience, and now you want me to put my feelings and things on hold so I can live more.” She shrugged.
“I don’t want to—” He glared at the flames. He had no idea what he was supposed to say to explain this.
“Asher.”
He looked back at her.
“The only time I don’t have that tightness in my chest,” she released her legs and patted her chest, “is when I’m close to you.” She shifted and sat cross-legged, watching him. “The only time I feel like talking is with you—to tell you everything and nothing because that’s okay with you too.”
He opened his mouth and then realized she wasn’t finished. His cat wasn’t happy right now. She was upset, and Asher was the reason.
“I’m not afraid to go to sleep because you’re here. I know you’ll be here when I wake up, so I’m not facing another day alone.”
She looked around them, and he was immediately on alert, checking the area.
“You let me cry if I need to, and don’t try to stop me.”
She got up, and he tensed even more as she walked slowly toward him. He knew he should say something but couldn’t even form words as he watched her. The reflection from the fire danced over her face as she sat knelt beside him. It took his breath away.
“This,” she motioned between them and then around them, “is living for me. I don’t need movies, fashion, and whatever other stuff women my age need. This is living, Asher, and I don’t want to do it without you.” She tilted her head and searched his face. “Do you understand?” She sighed. “I’m not good at explaining things, really. Years of not speaking hasn’t done much for my vocabulary. I’ve learned most of it listening in on others when I could.”
“Your vocabulary is fine.” Even his animal knew that out of all the things she had just said, that was probably the one he shouldn’t comment on first. “I’m just—” He wasn’t sure Whether it was his brain or animal, but he could find no words to justify his reasons.
“When we find the island and rescue the girls, what are you doing after that?”
He looked back at the fire. He never knew what he was doing beyond the present week. “Whatever needs doing.” Turning his head, he watched her. “There will be more places to go to free our kind.”
She nodded with jerky movements. “I don’t know if I have a place in that.”
“You don’t need to. That’s what the teams are for.”
“Then what do I do? I have no home in the clan village.” She turned and looked at the fire. “I don’t know if I can live there. Too many memories are darkened by what happened that day.”
He understood that.
Brushing her hair back over her shoulder, she glanced at him. “Am I supposed to live at the factory? What would I do there? Since the day I left, I’ve had one purpose. To get back and get help. Now that I’ve done that, what do I do?”
Asher could feel the anxiety coming from her. It was laced with fear, and his animal was not happy with it. If his cat could speak, he was guessing he’d have a lot to say right now about how badly he was failing at assuring their mate. “I don’t know. You don’t have to rush and do anything. Take some time,” he shrugged, “and see what feels right.” He knew he was telling her the exact opposite he would do in her situation. He didn’t do idle. Couldn’t do it. Anytime he’d tried, the images of that day came back, and he had to keep moving so they didn’t catch up.
“Can I stay with you? Help others?”
His spine stiffened. There was no way that was going to happen. He was surprised he hadn’t already lost his mind being with her this long. “Sure.” His throat tightened, and he started coughing. Grabbing his bottle of water, he took a quick drink. Apparently, his cat could talk through him. When he looked back at her, how she was smiling, it made his heart pulse harder inside his chest. He put his hand over it, almost afraid it was going to push through and beat on the outside.
She gasped softly and placed her hand over her chest. “My cat,” she tilted her head and looked at him, “she’s tense, not happy because you aren’t.”
Asher blew out a breath, trying to settle the pounding of his heart. Before he could think of something to say to assure her that he was fine—which he wasn’t, she reached over and put her hand over his. Just that touch settled his heart beat. It was still strong, but he was sure that had something to do with the way her eyes were locked on his.
They sat there in the quiet of the night, just looking at each other and something inside of him broke free. He couldn’t label it, he just knew that whatever it was, he understood that there was going to be no living without her in his life.
There was no erasing what had happened to him, or to her, but somehow together it was going to make it haunt them less. At the very least, they would both have someone to hold them in the times it didn’t work.