Chapter 61 Chapter 61
Kelsey let the hot water run over her for a few minutes. She had hoped that it would feel soothing, but it wasn’t working. As soon as Gage had walked out the door, she’d bypassed the coffee and climbed in the shower. When she’d opened her eyes this morning, it had been as if she was stuck in a strange world, one that felt suffocating. There was so much to digest; she didn’t think she was going to be able to do it without choking.
Flipping the taps off, she grabbed a towel and got out. Wrapping another around her head, she stepped up to the mirror and wiped the fog off it. Studying her reflection, she didn’t see anything she hadn’t been seeing every day and yet she was supposed to believe that the face looking after her was some sort of tiger. What would she look like? Sighing, she turned around and began to dry off.
It was absolutely unforgiveable that all of this had been kept from her for so long. Yes, she understood the reasoning behind Ed and Beth not telling her right away. It probably would have crushed her completely at that point in her life, but to let it go on this long? There was no excuse good enough.
Tossing the towel over the shower rod, she stared at the wall. She couldn’t believe the men that had been her whole world since she was fifteen had kept this from her.
Thinking about Gage, just made her feel more confused than ever, so she tried hard to keep him out of her thoughts completely. Gary, she understood, getting two words out of him on a good day was performing nothing short of a miracle, but Jake and Cooper? She was close to them. How could they go every day without telling her? And Blair? Oh, she saw red when she thought of him keeping this from her. They’d talked once a week while she was away, sometimes more.
That was three years of conversations. She’d only seen him a couple times when she’d come home and it hadn’t been long enough, but he was good at his job so some crews requested him when Ed had to send someone, but still…
Pulling on her jeans, she scowled at the woman in the mirror. How could he talk to her about every bloody thing under the sun and never, ever once mention any of this? With a growl of frustration, she dug around in her housecoat for her phone. She didn’t even pause when she brought up Blair’s number and typed three words.
COME HERE NOW
She hit send and tossed the phone on the counter. Pulling on her t-shirt, she grabbed the phone and went back out to the kitchen.
It took some doing on her part to be sitting at the table looking calm when Blair slowly walked into the room.
“Hey, sweetie, how are you doing?” He glanced at the cup she held between both hands and in his easy glide, moved behind her to the coffee pot.
She sat there and waited, not saying a word. Actually, not even knowing what to say that wasn’t going to come out sounding scornful and vicious. He came back around to sit at the end of table so they were only a foot apart.
He took a sip and then set the cup down and looked at her. His eyes moved over her face, she tried to read what he was thinking, but Blair was too good at masking his thoughts for her to get a glimpse.
He gave her one of his lopsided grins, “Are you all right? I wanted to come see you last night, but…”
“Why didn’t you tell me? You of all people, the one I counted on the most…” she shook her head and looked down at her cup, “why?”
Blair blew out a breath and reached for her hand, she pulled it off the table and clasped it in her lap with her other one.
“I wanted to, I really did.” He sighed and leaned back in the chair, watching her without blinking. If she hadn’t been used to it, she would have been bothered, but it was just a Blair thing. “I almost did so many times.” Running a hand across the side of his face, he sighed again. “I’m sorry, sweetie.” He shook his head. “More than you will ever know.”
In all the years she had known him, she had never heard him use that soft, angst filled tone. “I don’t know what to think, Blair.” She got up and went over to the counter and leaned against it. “Everyone that was important in my world…” she gave a frustrated growl when she felt her eyes tearing up again, “everyone that was my world lied to me.” She squeezed her eyes shut and breathed deeply to keep control of her emotions. “You lied to me for years.” She looked back at him.
“I never once lied to you, Kelsey.” His eyes held hers. “I didn’t tell you, but I sure as hell didn’t lie to you.”
Taking a deep breath, she held it and closed her eyes again. He was right, but that didn’t make what he did okay. Opening them, she blew out the breath and glared at him. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”
He sat there, looking at her, a pained expression on his face. “What can I do?”
She shook her head, a sound of disbelief escaping her mouth. That was so typically Blair. He always thought he could fix things. Shaking her head, she hugged her arms around her waist. “I can’t even sort it all out Blair, and you sure as hell can’t make it all better.”
Leaning forward, he rested his arms on the table and dropped his head into his hands. She could feel the anxiety coming off him, but wasn’t able to stir up enough empathy at the moment to do anything. “Finding out about my parents was…”
His head jerked up. “You were devastated when you came here. How the hell were we supposed to tell you what really happened to them?” He motioned in the air. “How could we tell you without telling you everything after that point?” With his brows furrowed he studied her for a few seconds. “Could you have handled all of this when you were sixteen? Seriously, maybe finding out you were a shifter at sixteen would have been kind of cool, but finding out about your folks?” He made an exasperated noise in his throat. “How about finding out that a man was your mate? Not a teenager like you, but a fully-grown man?”
Kelsey knew he wasn’t saying anything that wasn’t the truth, but she still couldn’t see past them not telling her when she was eighteen or twenty, even last year. “Maybe I couldn’t handle it then, but I’m twenty-three now. I’m a big girl and someone should have told me.” She yelled the last part at him.
Blair was on his feet, closing the distance between them in a few long strides. “We couldn’t…”
Kelsey snorted. “Couldn’t? That’s crap and you know it!” He was right in her face then but she refused to back off. “I’ve been thinking I was losing my mind, Blair,” she was still yelling, “and you of all people knew that!” She shoved at his chest, only getting more frustrated because she didn’t even move him. “You talked to me every week for three years and said nothing.” The tears were rolling down her cheeks now, but she refused to wipe them away. Let him see them, let him feel as helpless as I feel right now, she thought.
“I couldn’t,” his tone was low and controlled.
She stared up at him, his pale eyes blurring through the tears. “Wouldn’t,” she whispered and then turned her back on him to stare out the window.
Smacking his hand down on the counter beside her, he pulled her by the arm and turned her to face him. “We were under orders from our Alpha. I get that you don’t understand how that works, but when your alpha gives you an order you damn well follow it.”