Chapter 324 Chapter 324
Deacon pointed to the treed area up ahead, “just pull in there.” His heart was beating too fast, the back of his neck felt hot, and his animal was just as much a mess as he was. Everything hit him all at once. He had a mate and she accepted him the way he was. No one did that, not even he did that. Deacon realized he’d be an idiot to think for a moment more that he could be beside her and not claim her. She wanted to find his family if any remained. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to find out, but if he did, having her beside him? Then he could take any outcome.
With a concerned look on her face, she pulled over under the tree and put the van in park.
“We have to talk.” He opened the door and couldn’t get out of the vehicle fast enough. His boot got caught on the door frame and he came close to landing on his face. Stumbling clear of the van, he went and stood under the tree.
Staring at the dead grass in front of his feet, he tried to single out one thought of too many in his head. What did he know about leading a clan? Sure, he could lead a team of armed men into serious situations or follow, it didn’t matter, he was trained for either—but a clan? A clan meant women and children—how did you do that?
He shook his head, needing to back that thought up, women and children—hell, he could end up being the last of his kind. That was a sobering thought. When did he even start to care about that?
He spun around to see Gia had turned off the van and was coming around the front of it. In her hands were their run packs and phones. He’d forgotten he told her to always, always keep them within reach.
It felt like sweat was pouring off his brow now. It stung his eyes. The world felt like it was closing in on him, which was completely stupid, he was standing outside.
“Deacon?”
Jerking his head up, he looked at her.
“Are you all right?” She put her hand on her chest, “my fox is going crazy right now.” She glanced around them, “did you see something?”
Great job. You freaked her out by acting like a moron. Shaking his head, he wiped his now damp hair back from his face. “No.” He raised his hand toward her, “I’m just,” he dropped it again, “having a,” he shook his head again, not even knowing what he was doing, “moment,” he spat out, annoyed with himself.
“Well, as moments go, I’m an expert on them.” She gave him a soft look, “you said we have to talk.”
He gave her a blank look. He had said that. “I don’t,” he sucked in a breath and blew it out, trying to settle his breathing, “I don’t know the first thing about leading a clan.” His heart continued to pound in his chest as he watched her sling the two packs over her shoulder and tuck the phones into the pocket of her jacket. She came toward him, her gaze searching his face. He felt light-headed, was it because his heart was going crazy, or had he forgotten to eat?
When she was close enough, she placed one hand on the center of his chest. “It’s a good thing you have me then. I know a few things about the order of things inside a clan,” she rubbed her hand against his chest and his animal stilled, “I know the inner workings of being an Alpha too.” She smirked up at him, “and how not to do some things.” Pulling his shirt out of his pants, she stretched it up and wiped his face and forehead gently. When she lowered it, her expression was serious, but understanding. “Still this little,” she glanced around, “moment isn’t a bad thing, Deacon.”
He was having trouble focusing on her words, her voice was soothing, and touch calmed him, but her scent filled his every pore, and his mind became even harder to collect his thoughts. His animal was settled now, Deacon could have happily stood there all day, just like this. It felt like his heart was beating normally now too.
He frowned when he realized she was watching him more carefully. “It’s not?” Somehow his brain had rewound what she’d said so he could speak.
“No,” she gave her head a little shake, “it’s not. It’s a big responsibility and the fact that it’s affecting you like this means you’re not taking it lightly and that’s a good thing.”
Deacon would just have to take her word for it. Sucking in a breath, he placed his hand over hers where it now rested under his shirt. “I don’t know the first thing about being a mate, or part of a family—or clan. What if I’m not good at it?”
Gia held his look, no judgment in her eyes. “There are no rules or guidelines to being a family, Deacon, that’s something you figure out as you go.” The heat of her palm against his chest helped him to focus and keep his thoughts under control. “As for the clan rules, there are some that are universal for all clans, the rest are established accordingly.” She gave him a smile, one that made him feel like he could do anything. “And you’ll have me to help keep you in line there.”
He looked down at her, his heart felt like it was going to swell right out of his chest. He liked her this close, where he could see the gold flecks in her eyes and the dusting of freckles across her nose. Someday he wanted to just look at her and memorize the pattern they made. Now was not that time, they were supposed to be heading back to work. He was supposed to be more together than he was right now too.
Putting his hand against the side of her neck, her hair weaving between his fingers, he looked down at her, “you’re going to have to keep me on task. I don’t know anything about any of this.”
“We’ll take it a bit at a time.” Her tone was soothing, “figure it out together, I’m sure it will all fall into place.”
“That sounds a lot like have a little faith.” He felt like he could draw breath again with her right here.
She smirked, “it’s a pretty good line.”
Deacon’s mouth twitched, “it’s not a line.” He cradled her face between both hands, “it’s a mantra of sorts, when shit starts going crazy, sometimes all you need is to have a little faith that you’ll get through it.”
“It seems to work.” Her eyes were filled with the light of humor.