Thirty-nine

He could be so silent and focused, when he wished to be, I had to admire.

But this was Bradley Carter, he was good at everything, this too seemed effortless to him. He barely opened his eyes, however we never bumped into anything or travel unbalanced. I had to wonder how his gift worked, if he simply thought of the place he wanted to go to and let nature – nature to him – take its course or was it more like driving, you had to know the path to reach your destination?

There was no need to hold on to him, like I’d done last night; his iron grip was secure around my waist and shoulder. I let go of him and threw my hands up at the brightening sky, I wanted to see if I could touch it. it seemed dangerously close – I never did – I closed my eyes and relaxed against him, trusting him not to drop me, trusting him with my life.

Now and then I opened my eyes to see that he was watching me with a strange expression. I wondered what he was thinking. He never seemed to take his gaze off my face.

He travelled in a slow pace. The wind brushed nicely against my exposed skin. He let my hair out of the messy bun I’d pinned it in and it danced to the winds song. I never opened my eyes, enjoying the feel of his arms around me.

"You like me with my hair down?" I asked.

"It was considered fashionable back in the forties. The kids from the eighties kind of changed things a bit although they still looked somewhat presentable" He winced.

I opened one surprised eye and tried not to frown as I asked, carefully, more afraid of the answer than anything else. “My math is a little slow. How old are you?" .

"Does it matter?" His expression remained the same, to my absolute relief.

"No, I’m just curious." I grimaced. "It makes me anxious not knowing.

“You’re always curious." he said more to himself than anything. He smiled down at me in encouragement.

I shrugged and closed my eyes again.

He heaved a sigh, and I could feel his burning gaze on my face. I wanted to open my eyes, to stare back at him, to perceive his expression but I contained myself.

"I was born in Albany, New York in 1889." He sighed in exaggeration.

I couldn’t hide my shiver of surprise from him. I opened my eyes to see if he was kidding but there wasn’t a smile in place or the usual playful glint in his eyes.

He shrugged and glanced at me with cautious eyes. “I’m an old man aren’t I?”

I shook my head. He misunderstood. “No, I just thought…”

“What?”

I didn’t want to upset him. “No never mind.”

“Tell me, Beth, please?”

That voice - low, fascinating, careful - my personal calling.

“No, it’s stupid really.”

“Beth.”

I sighed. “I wasn’t expecting you to be born in New York. Ugh. I wasn’t expecting it to be on earth. I mean demons - well the demons I grew up 'knowing' were not exactly creatures from earth.”

He smiled. “What did you have in mind?”

“Maybe underground, at the very least.”

He laughed. “That’s old.” when he composed himself he mumbled. “I was born on nineteen October overdue by a month.” He paused to study my face and then sighed.

At that I had to laugh.

“Nine months.” He scoffed. “Huh, humans have it easy.”

“It’s not like we get superhuman abilities or anything.”

"It was a very… hard time for my mother." He was lost in his thoughts for a short time before he went on. “She had to kill thirteen people in those months, each month I needed life essence to continue to survive in my mother’s womb. It was her worst pregnancy."

"Why?"

"Besides well… the obvious… she didn’t like the selfish act of taking someone else’s kid to save her own. With Victor it was easier, she stuck to her diet. She was a vegetarian." He smiled timidly.

I should’ve felt hatred towards his mother but I knew I’d have done the same for Bradley there was simply no question about it. I would do anything for him and besides how could I hate the very woman who gave life to the most important thing to me.

"How were you…?”A blush made its way up my neck to my cheeks. "I mean is it the same for demons as it is for humans?"

He smiled mischievously. Thankfully he understood what I meant. “It’s complicated.” He paused. “how do I explain this without upsetting you – oh right – you see, our kind is different from you people, we experience things thrice as hard, and so in order for… a women to be with child… life-mates have to exchange blood at the same time – it makes the experience intense, powerful, unforgettable.”

“Life-mates you say.” I finally spoke after a long silent moment. I don't know what frightened me the most being a bad mother like my mother was to me or the possibility of my child not being close to me because of that, like me with my Jennie .

“Demons who aren’t life-mates can’t parent a child.” Bradley interrupted my thoughts after a long silent moment.

He stared into space.

I shrugged.

It was silent for a long awkward moment. “"I was wondering…" And I could feel the heat rise from the pits of my belly to my neck and finally settling on my cheeks.

"Yes?"

"No, it’s not that important anyway"

"Beth, you can ask me anything."

I couldn’t bring myself to answer. He sighed, his eyes turned into tight slits.

"It makes me anxious too, not knowing what you’re thinking."

"I can’t, it’s embarrassing" and then I was blushing again.

"Please?" His voice was so credible, so difficult to disobey.

I shook my head.

"If you don’t tell me it’ll keep me up all night.” He joked.

“That’ll give you something to do, other than watch me embarrass myself in my sleep.”

“Please, Beth, please.”

How could I possibly resist that? “You said, only life-mates can have children. I was wondering if that would be possible for… um … us in the far future?” I really wanted to know if he wanted kids. I cringed at the thought. I didn't think I could love my child the way they'd deserve to be loved. I didn't want children. The very thought scared me.

He glared over my shoulder, his mind taking him someplace else. “I’m not strong enough to be that close to you. To taste your blood without…”

“Killing me,” I said. It was so easy to talk about the end of my life like it was nothing.

He glared at me this time. “You can’t begin to imagine how important you are to me. How addicted to you I am. Beth, you have to understand that you’re fragile and if I lost control even for a second, if I wasn’t careful, I could destroy my cause of breathing.” His gaze softened, and he sighed. “I could hurt you by mistake. I could feed off of you by pure accident…” he shook his head, his eyes pained. “I couldn’t be able to live after that.”

He was quiet.

I looked up, apprehensive, to see that he was deliberating, nervous. I waited for him to speak. The seconds ticked by.

“Why are you so strange?” I asked.

“I… can I pick your brains about something?”

“Sure.” My tone was light. I couldn’t help wondering what could make him so nervous that the hand on my lower back trembled. He was usually so confident. “Oh no.” what if he wanted me to stay away from him? I wouldn’t be able to do that.

“What is it?” he asked, alarmed.

“You have a question for me.”

“I’m just curious.” He declared in such a low voice that I struggled to hear against the wind brushing against my ear. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. It won’t even change the way I feel about you.”

“Now you’re making me nervous.”

“I wanted to know if you’ve ever… you know.” He was still nervous, his voice foreign in my ears. I was so used to his confident velvety voice that I blinked more than necessary and then stared at him.

“You know what, forget I even said anything.”

“Oh – um – oh,” It finally registered what he was asking me. Blistering heat bubbled against the fragile walls of my stomach and hot air rose up of my lungs making my nostrils instantly flush. The fire continued to invade my bloodstream until I could feel its heat on my cheeks. “What, no, I’d never share something like that with just anybody. I want it to be with someone special.”

He laughed staring at me so strangely. “So old fashioned.”

“So says my great grandfather.” I joked.