Bryan looked out the window.
Sharon stared at the broad tense sweep of his back, tears filling her eyes. We hy was he so cruel, so cold? Her mouth trembled with self pity.
'You will have to sleep on the floor', she told him fiercely, as long seconds tickled by in strained silence.
'No', he turned, his face hard. That bed is big enough for the both of us.
'But....', she faltered, her eyes wide.
'Damnit, I am not going to rape you', he said angrily. He moved towards her and she backed away shaking. How could she possibly explain to him that she could not share his bed because she was more frightened of herself than if him? That she could not trust herself to control her feelings and desires?
'I didn't mean....'
'No? You are as transparent as a glass'. His anger frightened her.
'Bryan, look I....' She didn't know what to say to him.
Even now as he came towards her, tall and powerful in the dim light, she felt weak with longing for him. If they shared the same bed, would she have the self control to stop herself from begging him to make love to her?
He took her shoulders between his hands, hurting her. He watched her flinching with blank eyes.
'Very well, as you have made your abhorrence to my touch so eloquently clear', he drawled coldly. 'You have my promise that I won't Kay a finger in you'. He let her go abruptly. 'Satisfied?'
Piqued and ridiculously frustrated, Sharon didn't answer. She walked into the bathroom and licked the door. She washed and then cleaned her teeth, staring at her reflection in the long mosaic edged mirrors, her face was flushed, her eyes sparkling.
Bryan was right if course. The bed was enormous for the both of them. Fear had made her unreasonable.
She brushed her hair slowly, putting off the moment that she would have to go back into the bedroom.
As she walked in, Bryan was staring out of the window again.
She said nothing but climbed into the huge bed, head bowed. Sensing her presence, he looked around. 'Decided to make the best if it?' He queried mockingly.
'I have no choice', she flashed back.
'Of course you have', he smiled, his eyes gleaming.
Confused, Sharon turned by her side and pulling up the covers around her throat. She heard him laughing and gritted her teeth.
She felt cold and very tense. Her tiredness had evaporated,leaving her wide awake and nervous and it was ten racking minutes before she felt the mattress give and Bryan slid in beside her. She lay perfectly still, her body going rigid. Crazy that she should feel this nervous, she thought, drawing a long shuddering breath.
Bryan shifted beside her 'Relax', he said quietly. 'You are quite safe with me. I told you that I won't touch you and I mean it'.
She listened to his voice, the low timbre of it and felt very lonely.
'I'm cold', she said in the darkness, not caring what she was inviting.
Bryan sighed, moving. Pulling up the covers over her bate shoulders. She rolled on to her back. 'Won't you hold me?' she begged softly.
She heard him swearing under his breath. 'You don't know what you are asking'.
She did know. She was being unfair, immediately regretting the impulse. 'I'm sorry'. She turned back to her side, her mouth trembling and he reached out for her as though he could not help himself, drawing her into his strong arms. She felt the smooth warmth of his body against hers, the heavy muscles if his arms that held her and felt safe. She rested her head in his shoulder.
'For God's sake, keep still and go to sleep', he said roughly.
She smiled. Her loneliness gone. Her eyelids drooping as she fell asleep. Against her breasts, Bryan's heart beat it's heavy rhythm. He held her tightly, his arms possessive but when she woke next morning, she was alone.
Sharon woke early again as she had been doing lately. she lay back against the soft moulds of pillows. She did not bother herself because she knew that Deborah would be with her father. It seemed like they both were making up for list time, spending every available time together. Sometimes she felt neglected but she was happy that they were bonding really fast and lovingly.
As she thought about Bryan, dissolution washed over her. Things were still the same between them. He had owned up to having a brief affair with Annabelle Cole, so why would he not accept that he had a thing with Devin but that they probably were no longer lovers. That would have been more pardonable than for him to lie blatantly that he never had any romantic dealings with the girl, making her and the evidence if her eyes a liar.
She got up from the bed and strolled to the window, flinging the open shutters to let the sunlight in. The sky was blue, the air warm and scented with flowers but the thoughts of facing her husband made her dawdle as she showered.
They had been in Serville for seven days now. The week had passed quickly and though she had liked Concepcion and Fernando, she was glad that she and Bryan and of course their daughter had the house to themselves. It meant that there was no need for exhausting pretense.
The situation hadn't improved. Bryan slept in another room while Sharon slept alone every night restless with longing for him, unable to pluck up the courage and go to him and admit her love. Her pride was long abandoned but some tiny part of her still held back. She still did not trust him, certain that he was not being honest about Devon and be ause she didn't trust him, she could not give herself freely.
Memories of that time after the parting, memories of the pain that had seemed to last forever contained her. She kept herself licked away. Even if she had the strength to admit her love, hadn't Bryan made it abundantly clear that his interest lay in the baby she was carrying?
There was still a fierce sensual tension between them but she knew that it wasn't enough. He just didn't live her and that would never change.