Confrontation

They got home and Bryan made sure he fed his daughter by himself. He was determined to do anything to destroy that insecurity she felt about his father's feelings for her.

After doing all that was necessary and giving her the whole lot of toys he had bought for her both in her absence and while they were on their way home from Lake District, showing her her own room that had been well decorated by his instructions, he told her that he needed to speak to her mother about something and that she should go ahead and play with her toys and watch TV if she wanted. He showed her how to operate it and Deborah could not be happier. The best of the whole show was that her own father had taken his time to feed her himself.

Bryan dragged Sharon into their room and Sharon went willingly for the sake of their daughter but inside the room, she felt her anger rise. Why was this man treating her like a baby?

'Leave me alone. You are inflicting pain on me. Can't you see the marks of the injuries you have inflicted on me by holding me too tightly?'

You are lucky that the injuries I inflict are external. The ones you have inflicted on me are much more deeper and can not heal as easily '.

This was the second time he was making such a statement to her and she wondered what injuries he was talking about. And decided that it must be because of the way she kept the news of the conception and birth of his daughter from him.

'You keep treating me like a child. I am not a child anymore in case you have not noticed. I am a woman who will soon have her second child'.

'Then act like one'. You act like a baby and you do not want to be treated as a baby? How many mothers have you heard of that run off at the slightest provocation and the last discussion that we had here, where was the provocation bit a confession of what you had been up to in the past three years?'

'Please Bryan, I am in no mood for any argument'.

'But you have some explaining to do'.

'Why did you keep the conception ofy daughter secret from me?'

'You did not seem interested and it was my mistake and I decided that I would deal with it myself, it was not your problem after all', she said avoiding his eyes.

'I guess you are right', he said and Sharon's eyes flew to his face. What was he up to now. 'I mean after all you impregnated yourself and that is why it is your problem and no one else's. I was just a bystander in the whole event and hence had no right to be told, right?'

Sharon felt the colour rising to her cheeks and looked down.

'After you dealt with it the way you seemed fit, the years after was not enough for you to consider telling the foolish man who fathered your daughter that he had a child with you?' He ground out in pain. 'Or was it David who asked you to keep it from me because he wanted the baby to be his?'

'Don't blame David. Don't you dare blame David. None of this was his fault. He asked me right from the first day that I told him about it because I fainted at the airport on our way back from Germany and the airport doctor confirmed it, else that was not the way I wanted him to find out. He asked me to tell you about it but I refused and gave him my reasons and though he insisted, I did not bulge. He felt that I must be refusing to tell you because you were not interested and to help me, he asked me to marry him'.

'Yes, that too. Why did you refuse to marry him when you had made it clear right from the start that you preferred him to be because of his wealth or was it your way if keeping your distance from me? Or you realised that money was not everything as you thought?'

'Blame me all you want. Throw accusations at me but please leave an innocent man out of it'. she pleaded.

'Innocent?' He bit out harshly. 'I wonder what your definition of innocence is?'

'David was dying'.

'Is there no other excuse you have for your lovers? Gerhard was dying so you married him to make his last days happier and you claim he never touched you. Now it is David who was dying. Did you forget that I worked in the same office with him? When was the death averted then?' he asked mockingly.

'After the lose of his wife which you are aware of, he lost the will to live. The doctors found a tumor in his brain, that was the reason he was looking so emaciated and worn. He told me only after he came to know of my pregnancy. I encouraged him. My baby gave him a new lease on live and the creation of a life gave him a reason to live and where he had been lackadaisical in his attitude to his health, he started taking care to go for treatment and therapy like I kept encouraging him and he kept getting better and better and now, the tumour can no longer be found. He is healed'.

Bryan was silent for sometime and alot of things started making sense to him.

'You must have found it hard refusing to marry him in that state'.

'I did but I could not. It would not be fair on him. I knew he would get well and find someone he would want to marry, all he needed to do was open his heart again to love. Life had alot of surprises and then he might not be happy that he was raising another person's child as his heir. Gerhard's was different. He was involved in a plane crash that damaged his brain and he had just a few months to live and my marriage to him in the hospital made him live a few months longer and he was very happy because we spent alot of time holding hands and talking about old times and smiling'.

All these caused his fury to calm.

'Can you tell me why you ran away this time again?'

'No reason', she said. She could not tell him that it was fear of his anger of her uncontrollable response to him that had caused it.

'I am tired. You now have the answers to the major questions you have. Let me have a little rest'.

Bryan was not satisfied yet but he could not force her to speak now. He left her alone . Sharon called on the house keeper and asked for some food which she ate and lay down with tears pouring down her cheek.

Bryan came back into the room and though Sharon pretended to be asleep, he spoke. ' Sharon, I need to say something. It was about our time in Rome that brought Deborah to us'.

Sharon could not forget that time and turned around to listen to him.

'What exactly did I do that made you think that I might not be interested in our child or in you for that matter?' He asked confused. That had bothered him for a very long time.

'I told you that I was hurt a few years ago, when my fiancee got married to a girl from a rich home. I did not want to get involved again but you came along', she swallowed painfully in remembrance of what had happened in Rome. The morning after we made love in Rome, I woke to find you gone... why did you do that? Why did you go leaving just that curt note?'

'I wanted to write words that would burn the paper but I didn't know what your reaction would be about my feelings. I sat there for hours with head full of passion, and in the end, I just scribbled a few words and crept out. I didn't want to wake you. You were sleeping so peacefully but I couldn't stay with you in case somebody saw me in your room. I didn't want alot of gossip about us spreading around the conference'.

She bit her lip, incredulous. 'But you were so cold when I came down to breakfast. You looked at me with total indifference'.

'That wasn't coldness or indifference', he said hoarsely. 'I was shaking like a leaf. I had been there for half an hour, waiting for you on tenterhooks, wondering how you would look at me, wondering what you would say ... and then you walked in, looking like an ice goddess with that touch me not expression on your face. And I felt my insides cave in. The only way I could hide how I felt was to put on a mask, act offhand, pretend I didn't care'.

'That was stupid of both of us, don't you think?' She asked.

'Stupid does not cover it. Look at the time we wasted. Anytime I came close to you, you would act like I was public enemy number one'.

'I am sorry but I had wanted to hurt you because you had hurt me so much and I wanted to hurt you back just as much and our baby gave me the added ammunition I needed. You ask why I kept her paternity a secret from you? Well that is it. You have it in black and white'.

'Now, my curiosity about that is satisfied. You go back to sleep we have alot of planning to do'.

'Planning? What planning?' she asked confused.

'We were going to Serville remember? We have to plan for the trip. Like I said earlier you and Deborah need a holiday and we could call it a honeymoon', he said, patted her back and left.

She had thought that after the confrontation and confession of passion, he would take her in his arms and love her but he hadn't. She hoped she had not started losing her little hold over him. She hoped that the future would be okay. She did not doubt that he would take great care of his children but it was her she was concerned about. She didn't just want to be a nanny but a wife in the real sense of the word to him.

She recalled. what her cousin had advised her to do. To use his weakness for her against him to draw him closer to her so that he would be eating out of her hands. She hoped that she was confident and bold enough to do that. Because that seemed like the only solution. But if what he had said had to be believed and she felt that she could, then there just might be hope for them after all.

She prayed for strength and slept, happy to be home at last.