Gabriel drove her back to the flat in silence. She was panic strike. Not knowing what she would do next, not knowing how she was going to cope. She had a feeling that Gabriel was angry though he had not said anything yet but she felt that his anger was justified. She had a daughter she had not told about her father and he has been the one restricting his movements to care for her and stand as a father figure to her and here she had gone and got herself pregnant again out of wedlock and she expected him to be happy with her and possibly applaud her?
How could she allow herself fall into the same hole twice? It has always been said one e beaten, twice shy bit hers was not that way. She seemed not to be shy in being beating two, yhree four or many times, she seemed determined to keep falling into the same hole.
Not just Gabriel, she was angry with herself and the weakness she felt whenever she saw Bryan.
It bothered her that Gabriel was angry with her.
Back home, he came upstairs with her. I'll make some coffee's, he said, his face grim. I do not know about you but I am dying for a cup'.
I'm not an invalid, so don't treat me as one', Sharon snapped, irritated because he was talking to her as though she was a child.
'You don't want a cup of coffee?' He was half smiling, obviously amused by her bad temper.
Sharon smiled too. 'I'm sorry', she said knowing that she had been unfair. 'Actually, I'd love one'.
Deborah sat watching her mother. Sharon was so lost in thought that she had not even remembered that Deborah was with them and had not gone to school.
The girl was wise beyond her age. She had not said anything all through the ride home. She did not know what the problem was but she felt that her mother was really troubled about something and her uncle seemed not to be very happy either.
But as she sat watching her mother worriedly in the kitchen while the coffee was being made, her mother looked at her.
'Deborah, what is the problem? You seem so quiet'.
'Yes, hon, s there something you need? Would you like some crackers with the coffee or would you rather have tea? Brooth? Scrabbled eggs? Steak?' Gabriel asked smiling, trying to make her happy and not stay moody anymore.
I would love some steak and tea, thank you. But dies mother have a bad case of stomach ache? Both of you seem sad after seeing the doctor. Is mother going to die?'
Sharon ran to her and hugged her. 'Whoever told you such a thing? I am not going to die in a very long while. The doctor said I had a little stomach upset and that I needed rest. I was not happy because, well, I could be doing something with my time like going to work and all such things without having to rest all the time but I will still see what I can do about it'. Sharon smiled at her daughter.
At the mention of what she would do about it, Gabriel's head shot up and he looked at Sharon wondering if she meant what he thought that she meant but that was not the time to seek clarification.
'I am so sorry mum, but I am happy, you are not going to die. I have been so worried'.
'How could anyone die and leave such a beautiful and intelligent daughter such as you are? I couldn't'.
'It had hurt me when uncle Gerhard died. I had taken him as my father before you told me that he was not my father. But his death, his going away to heaven and not coming back had made me sad and I did not want you to go away to heaven by dying due to going to the hospital like he did'.
'It is okay. No such thing will happen. We shall be here to take care of you'. Sharon said not knowing how to tell such a little child that life had no guarantees.
Before noticing and speaking to Deborah, she had been standing, looking out of the window and felt herself trembling, her eyes filling with tears.
After pacifying Deborah, she asked her to go to her room while they got her meal ready.
When she left, Sharon returned to looking out the window and the bleakness of her situation fell on her. She had been able to explain away the stomach ache issue now but for how long would she continue to lie to her daughter? She knew that it would make her remember once more that her father was not yet back from his trip and she would want to know how he got her pregnant again or if the baby had another father different from hers and then what would she do?
'I don't know what to do', she said thinking aloud and not turning around.
She felt Gabriel's hands touch her shoulder. His voice close, angry. It's Bryan's, isn't it? Damnit, I thought it was all over, I thought you were finished with him'.
Sharon nodded in silence, thinking how it could be over when they had a daughter together. 'You don't have to have it you know, not if you don't want it '.
She flicked the tears from her cheeks with her fingers and thought about that, rejecting it immediately, instinctively. She couldn't kill the unborn life inside her. She couldn't kill Bryan's child. She had not been able to kill the first and she had brought her so much joy, she didn't think she could kill this one. No matter the mockery and scorn she might have to endure, she would keep the baby so that her daughter could have a sibling.
'I don't want an abortion's, she replied firmly.
Gabriel turned her round to face him. 'You haven't thought about it'.
'I have. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it then, and neither can I do it now'. She looked at him and he saw that she meant it.
'You will have to tell him then', he said flatly.
'Why?' the thought filled her with horror.
'Come on'. Gabriel lifted his hands in an angry gesture. 'How on earth do you think you can bring up a child with no help, no support?'
'I won't ask him for money. I didn't before, I won't now'. Sharon said angry with herself because he was asking all the questions she had no answers for. 'It's not his problem'.
'No?' Gabriel laughed humourlessly. 'You've got to be realistic, Sharon. He has a right to know. It's his child as well'.
'I know, I know'. Near to tears again, she sank into a chair and rested her head in her hands. Gabriel poured the coffee and pushed a handkerchief towards her. His voice was gentler as he said, 'Oh Sharon, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be harassing you at a time like this. You should be resting or whatever it is that pregnant women do'.
Sharon managed a shaky smile and sipped her coffee gratefully. 'How would you feel if you found out that Rebecca was pregnant?' She asked curiously.
Gabriel twisted his mouth. 'I certainly wouldn't believe that it was mine', he said then seeing that Sharon was deadly serious. 'Really, I'd be bloody delighted'.