After listening to what Sharon had to say concerning Bryan's banking prowess and his excellent choice in chosing him to take over, David couldn't still understand why she turned down his proposal and wondered if his proposal had come too late in the day.
As he nodded his agreement about all she had said, he said, 'I agree, Bryan is the best candidate and all. But it was very generous of you to say so all the same. You are a very remarkable woman, Sharon. should have thought of proposing to you long ago. I wonder what your response would have been if I had?'
There was a curious questioning tone in his voice, she smiled at him affectionately. 'More or less, what I just said now David. I am very fond of you and I admire you but marriage should be based on something more substantial than that'.
'You are right about that of course', he said, his mouth rueful. 'That's why I never married until I met Elizabeth. It is true that I was always very busy but even so, I met enough women during those years, some of them very attractive. The point was that I just didn't meet anyone I wanted to spend my life with and it bothered me for a long time. I thought that I might be frigid, emotionally cold, incapable of loving anyone. Then I finally found Elizabeth and fell for her like a ton of bricks', his eyes were full of pain. 'She was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me, Sharon. Since I lost her, I haven't really cared if I lived or died'.
'Maybe that's why you....' she started saying but broke off.
He looked down at her brows arching. ' Maybe why I what?'
'Got the tumour', Sharon whispered reluctantly and he gave her a slightly irritated frown.
'You think that I am imagining it? I wish that I were'.
'No, of course not', she protested. 'But sometimes, we can make ourselves ill when we are very unhappy'.
He thought about this for a while and said, 'The tumour could be psychosomatic you mean? I don't know Sharon. It does exist. I have seen the x- rays. Only a little of it is visible. a lot of it is hidden and inaccessible. They just know it's there. There's enough to see for the doctors to be certain that it is large and growing'.
'David I'm sure the thing exists but that's the whole point. The mind and the body are so closely entwined and interact on each other all the time. Unhappiness can take strange forms, some of them actually physical'.
'I wouldn't wish myself a brain tumour'!' he said impatiently. 'I have such terrible headaches and I have serious troubles with my eyes. That's how they realised what was wrong - the eye problems. I began to think that I was going blind. Part of my field vision has gone to my left side'.
She was aghast. 'You never said anything. For how long has this been going on?'
'It's been gradual and some days are worse than others. Why do you think I have been taking so much time off work, these past few months? I stay at home when it is worse, Sharon. Nobody in their right minds would voluntarily go through what I am going through'.
'David, I am sorry. I wished you had told me earlier. You shouldn't have to cope with all this all alone'.
He shrugged and said wryly, 'You would have told me it's all psychological'.
Stricken, she broke out, 'That isn't what I have been saying.Believe me, I wasn't implying that you intentionally wanted to have a brain tumour but... you did say you didn't care if you lived or died!'
His face changed. Stiffened in a sort of shock. 'Yes, but ....' He broke off his eyes confused and troubled. 'My God, that never I cured to me. Do you think that I might have unconsciously invited it- that's what you are saying isn't it? That my own mind has made this thing grow in my brain?'
'Not consciously David', she said hastily'. 'Look I do not understand why the hospital hasn't offered you counselling- you should be talking to someone about this. Some sort of therapist who is used to these kinds of situations. Why don't you ask your doctor to recommend somebody?'
He shrugged. 'Oh, they suggested that I saw someone like that several times but I didn't see the point. I could accept death. I did not need to be talked into accepting it's.
She was appalled. Her face urgent and distressed, she said, 'But don't you see? That's just the point. You accepted death too easily. You were half willing it. You need counselling badly, David. Please go and see someone at once. fix it up first thing tomorrow'.
He looked almost sulky. 'I still don't see that there's any point'.
'Of course there is', she said on the verge of tears again. 'I don't want you to die David. I'd miss you terribly, we all would. You are far too young to give up on life like this'.
He was very touched. 'That's very sweet of you, Sharon, but....'
'Dont say but!', she grabbed his shoulders and shook him. 'David, you must start fighting You can't just let this horrible thing in your head win'.
He gave her a rueful look. 'You've always been a fighter, Sharon. I spotted it in you the minute I met you, when you were as green as grass and just out of business college. I was a fighter too, once. I don't know if I have the energy now'.
'Find some!' she told him fiercely. 'David try anything. Don't just sit around here waiting to die. Your sake in the Bible though a little boy was a fighter. Do the name you bear proud'.
He looked confused. His face full of shifting emotions, thoughts, uncertainties.
'Ehen they first told me, I think that I did just accept it', he conceded at last. 'It seemed like fate... I was too miserable to care. To be fair to them, there was talk of possible treatment. If the operation never became possible, they said that sometimes the tumour moves to a new area where they can operate and they are waiting to see whether it would happen. I asked them to give it to me straight and not wrap it up
I wanted to know what my chances were and when they said that I might only have a few weeks or a few months, I told them that I didn't want any of those new-fangled treatments that might not even work. They use lasers, I think but I didn't even listen to any of that's.
'Well, go back and ask them to do something. Try every avenue David and don't just give in!'
'Its probably too late now',
She groaned shaking him again. 'Don't be so defeatist! At least Try!
He looked down at her and gave that charming boyish smile she had always loved. 'Okay, Okay. I'll ring tomorrow', then he said softly. 'Was I wrong or have you absolutely decided to have this baby and keep it?'