A few more kisses and she shakes her head, rubbing her face against my stubble. "Now."
I sit back with a sigh. Her face is so serious it turns the food in my stomach to concrete.
She strokes my hair as if soothing me. Cute little fox. "You were gone a long time."
I almost close my eyes at the worry in her voice. "Is that why you cooked for me, Kit? Get me softened up so you could give me the third degree?"
She just looks at me.
I sigh. "Look, I-"
"You didn't come back because you couldn't. You passed out again, like after the last fight. Right?"
Fuck. I don't want to lie to her. I nod.
She blinks and says to herself, "It has something to do with how you can blur."
Alarms go off in my head. "Kit, I can't tell you. It's not safe."
"It's the flask, isn't it? It contains something that helps you fight faster."
I weigh the truth against the cost. "Yeah."
"What is it?"
"I can't tell you that." Frangelico won't want any word of this spreading. If I tell her the final secret, her life will be in danger.
Silence stretches like a chasm between us.
Her head bows and she mutters something.
"What's that?" I raise her chin.
She meets my eyes unflinchingly. "I said, 'it's killing you'."
I open my mouth but my protest dies under her direct stare. I can't look at her, the woman I love, and lie.
And I love Jordy. I don't know when I started but I know I'll never stop.
So when she takes my hand and leads me to the bathroom, I follow. Big bad bear meek and mild around her. She tugs off my shirt and I stifle a snarl. Fates, that hurts.
"You're not healing," she says, grabbing down the mirror and angling it to show me the nasty bite on my shoulder, where the bear fighter bit me. "It's slowing you down. And these blackouts? They're getting worse. I timed them. Last one was - hours. This one was almost fifteen."
"Look I'm sorry I left you-"
She slaps the counter. "I don't want your apologies. You don't owe me. But whatever you're doing, you're hurting yourself. You need to stop."
"I can't."
"Why not?" she whispers.
I spear my fingers into her hair. How did I come to this moment? Where a lovely young woman looks me in the eyes like I hang the moon?
"I can't, Jordy. I don't do it because I want to. I do it for revenge."
"Revenge for your mother?"
I nod, unable to speak.
"Revenge is a death trap. It's hurting you. It could kill you."
I lick my lips and tell her the truth. "As long as I take out my mother's murderer, I don't care."
"Grizz." She looks so sad. "I care."
I jolt as if electrified. But she's not done.
"I don't want you to die," she whispers, and I jolt again like she shouted it. How long has it been since someone cared whether I'm alive?
"Kit," is the only thing I can say. I rub the red strands of her hair between my finger and thumb. The fine strands catch on my callouses.
She tugs me closer and lays her forehead on mine. "I wish I could give you what you want. I wish I could give you your revenge." She slides her face against mine until we're cheek to cheek. "How long until you get it?"
"I don't know."
"Soon?"
"I don't know," I repeat. "It never mattered before. I'm gonna get it if it takes the rest of my life."
"What happens after?" she asks softly. "After you get your revenge?"
I try to answer, try to think, and there's nothing. "I guess I never thought beyond it. I guess I assumed I'd…" I stop before I say "die", knowing the word will hurt her.
She raises her head and studies me. "Isn't there anything else you want? Something that will give you a reason to live?"
"There wasn't." My chest is tight, I can barely get the words out. "Until a few days ago, there wasn't." I cup her cheek, my thumb playing over her soft freckled skin. "And then I met you."
She searches my face, nodding to herself. Then she pulls away, taking my hand and drawing me from the bathroom. "I have something to show you."
Jordy
THE COOL DEPTHS of the bedroom swallow us and I force my breathing to calm. All night and morning I waited for Grizz and pretended I belonged in his home.
I decided: I don't belong to Augustine any more. I belong to Grizz. I can only hope he wants me.
It's time to show him my true feelings. Now or never.
I lead him to the bed. Another time it'd be amusing how our roles are reversed. I'm leading; he's following. After today, I might never be so bold again. I'm shaking now, facing Grizz, smoothing the button-down shirt I'm wearing. After this he might decide he doesn't want me. He might kiss my forehead, call Declan and Parker, and send me away forever. I don't know what he wants. Either way, he'll know my choice.
"I want to show you something," I repeat.
He reaches for me and I step back.
"Kit, you're scaring me."
"Don't be afraid," I tell myself as much as him. My fingers fumble with the buttons on my shirt. "I don't know if it's too soon, but I want you to see."
"Jordy, what-" I part my shirt and his eyes drop to my revealed flesh. Wincing at the bite of the tape, I peel the bandage away from my tattoo.
Grizz's eyes widen and I let my hands drop. I straighten, letting him see what I drew for the artist, what I chose to put on my body. Over my heart, covering the ugly scar tissue.
"Kit," Grizz swallows, not taking his eyes off my tattoo. The flesh around the ink is red. It's still healing, but there's no mistaking the design. A bear print.
"Is that-?"
I nod slowly.