My cheeks are a bit wet. I dash at my cheeks. "He didn't care. He didn't stay. He didn't teach me who I am. I never thought…" I stop talking because, of course, I never thought anything like this would happen to me. I lived twenty-six years as a human. I embraced my weird. I just never thought I actually was a freak.
"Come here." Tank folds me in his arms. He's so big, for a second I'm completely enveloped, hidden from the world.
"It hurts," I whisper against his broad chest.
"Baby."
"He should've been here. He should've helped me." I wipe my eyes, annoyed. I never cared about my dad. He left. Why should I feel anything for a man who obviously felt nothing for me?
"I can't believe he didn't try to reach out, tell me he was a fox."
"Maybe he wasn't sure you were one."
"What do you mean?"
"Children of shifters and humans aren't always able to shift themselves. Maybe he thought it best to leave you alone, let you live a normal life."
"Normal life? Raised by Sunny?" I scoff.
"As a human, then."
"Well so much for that," I mumble, but I'm not sorry I'm fox. I refuse to regret my animal's magical presence in my life. It's not her fault my life is fucked up and my parents are a joke.
Tank regards me, but there's no pity in his expression. Only a tenderness that will make me strong again, if I let it.
He cups my cheek. "What do you want to do?"
I take a deep breath. "I want to find him."
"Okay," he says, and just like that, I feel better. But I don't let go of him. Tank's my rock, I decide. I'll cling to him, as long as he lets me.
~.~
Foxfire
"You sure about this, baby?" We spent the last few minutes informing Sunny of our plans and getting ready to head out. Tank has his arms around me again. I've needed more fortifying hugs in the past day than I have my entire life.
"Yeah. My fox... she needs her kin."
He nods.
The door to the trailer bangs open, breaking us apart.
"This is going to be so fun," Sunny trills from the front step. She's dragging a large carpet bag behind her.
"What is?"
"Road trip!" She claps her hands.
I roll my eyes. Mom can be so ridiculous. I definitely take after my dad.
"Where do you want this?" Sunny lifts her bag.
"No," Tank says.
"What?"
"Um, Mom," I rush in, "we didn't realize you'd be coming."
"Well, of course I am, silly. How else are you going to recognize your father?"
I look at Tank, who rubs his forehead. "I don't have room in my truck."
"Oh, I can ride in the back," Sunny waves a hand.
Tank shakes his head.
"Or we could take Sunny's bus," I offer. The three of us turn to look at Daisy. It's an old VW bus. The parts that aren't rusted are painted purple, with white daisies.
"What a marvelous idea!" Sunny crows.
Tank's jaw clenches as he closes his eyes.
By noon, we're on the road. Tank insisted on driving, even though he's twice as big as the seat. His big hands are monster sized on the steering wheel. Before we left, Sunny insisted on burning sage and cedarwood throughout the vehicle to clear negative energy for our journey. The cabin smells of burnt herbs and spilled paint from her art projects. Even though Tank hasn't said a word, I can tell he's pretty close to the breaking point.
I decide to sit in the back with my mom to act as buffer.
"He has such masculine energy," Sunny tells me in a loud whisper. "Do you think he'll let me paint him?"
Mom paints nudes. "No, I don't think so. He's a very private person."
Sunny considers this.
"I wouldn't ask him," I add. "He gets... grumpy."
"You certainly have a way with him."
Me? "I don't know about that. He's kinda bossy." Especially in bed. Not that I'm complaining.
"I like him," Sunny decides.
I let Sunny read my palm. She's always been a tarot reader, and palmistry is something new for her.
"Interesting, interesting. You'll live a long life, darling, and have one great true love. You'll have some challenges along the way, but it'll work out in the end." She drops my hand, looking expectantly at Tank.
"What about a tarot reading?" I ask before she can grab his hand. Knowing her, she wouldn't care that he's driving a stick shift.
My request buys another few minutes of silence as Sunny digs in her giant sack-like purse for the deck of cards she always carries. This time it's not traditional tarot but some kind of angel cards.
"You will go on a great journey-not in distance, but in importance."
"Makes sense," I agree.
"You will face a great enemy." Sunny frowns.
"I've always wanted a nemesis," I say absently.
"Darling, this is very serious."
"Oh, I know. I fear for my life every time I go to the bathroom. Toilet snakes."
"What are toilet snakes?" Sunny asks.
"They're snakes that come out of the toilet while you're sitting on it, and bite you."
Sunny gasps.
"Foxfire," Tank rumbles.
"What?" I ask innocently.
"There's no such thing."
"Oh I know that," I say. "I'm still scared of them."
His lips twitch.
"Speaking of toilet snakes…" Sunny says.
Tank sighs, and takes the next rest stop exit. As Mom and I leave to go the bathroom, he pulls out his phone. I hasten through my business and leave Sunny admiring some murals.
Tank's on the phone, I approach slowly, giving him space until he thanks whoever he's talking with and hangs up.
Instantly, his eyes land on me.
I give a little wave and bounce to his side.
"I just called in a few favors," he tells me. "I have people looking into your father's whereabouts. By the time we reach Moab, we should know more."
"Thanks."
"Don't mention it."