Feelings

Chapters 58: Feelings

Kayla's pov

As we walked back to the mansion, Lily and I were both quiet. We had spent the afternoon talking and laughing, but now, as we neared the end of our walk, there was a comfortable silence between us. I looked over at Lily, taking in her profile as she looked out at the setting sun. I was struck by how beautiful she was, her dark hair tumbling over her shoulders, her eyes sparkling in the golden light.

As I looked at Lily, I found myself paying attention to her facial features. She had a few lines around her eyes, little wrinkles that crinkled as she smiled. I found myself thinking about how many years she must have lived, about all the experiences she had had in her life. She was a woman who had seen so much, and yet she was still so vibrant, so full of life. I couldn't help but feel a little bit in awe of her.

As we entered the mansion, I heard the sounds of learning. The kids were sited while their tutor thought them. They were all focused on her, scribbling notes and asking questions, completely absorbed in their work. I watched them for a moment, feeling a rush of pride at how hard they were working. I was about to call out to them when I realized they hadn't even noticed I was back.

I decided to leave the kids to their lesson, and I quietly made my way up the stairs. I was still lost in thought, thinking about what had happened earlier, when I heard a soft voice say, "Are you alright?" I turned to see Lily standing behind me, a concerned look on her face. "I'm fine," I said, giving her a small smile. "I'm just a little preoccupied." She nodded, understanding, and said, "Would you like some time alone?"

I nodded, and she gave me a reassuring pat on the arm before turning to leave. I watched her walk away, feeling grateful for her presence and her willingness to give me the space I needed. I made my way to my room, shutting the door behind me, and I sank down onto the bed. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes, and tried to clear my mind of the events of the day.

I haven't seen Louis and beta since last night, did my words hurt him? I couldn't help but worry about him. I hadn't heard from him all day, and it was starting to make me anxious. I tried to push the thoughts out of my head, but they kept coming back, like a nagging reminder of what I couldn't know. I decided to take a walk to clear my head, and I set out, not really knowing where I was going. I just needed to move, to get away from the house and my thoughts.

I lay on my bed, my face buried in my pillow, not wanting to face the world. I felt exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I just wanted to escape, to find a place where I could forget everything that had happened. But I knew that wasn't possible, that the only way to move on was to face my fears head-on. And yet, I felt so tired, so drained of energy. I just wanted to stay here, to hide from the world.

I dragged myself off the bed and made my way to the shower. The water was hot, and I stood under the stream, letting it wash over me. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on the feeling of the water, to forget the thoughts racing through my head. But no matter how hard I tried, my mind kept going back to Louis. I sighed, knowing that I needed to find a way to let go of my worries. But I had no idea how to do that.

As I stood there, it occurred to me that maybe I just needed to accept the uncertainty of the situation. Maybe I needed to just accept that Louis is my mate, I know it must be hard for him especially when I told him that I didn't want any relationship between us, I didn't think of how he felt. I took a deep breath and let the water wash over me, trying to focus on my breathing. I told myself that I could handle whatever came my way, that I was strong and capable. I wasn't sure if I believed it, but I kept repeating the words to myself.

The words began to lose meaning, becoming just sounds in my head. The sound of the water blended with the sound of my breathing, and I felt myself beginning to relax. I gave myself over to the sensations, letting myself be enveloped by the water and the sound. I no longer felt the need to think or control the situation. I just existed, in this moment, under the shower.

I had no idea how long I stayed there, lost in the moment. But eventually, I began to feel the chill of the air, and I knew it was time to get out. I turned off the water and reached for a towel, wrapping it around myself. As I dried off, I felt a sense of calm wash over me. I felt lighter, somehow, as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I looked in the mirror,I saw my own eyes looking back at me.

I made my way back to my room, feeling a sense of peace I hadn't felt in a long time. I sat on the bed and took a few deep breaths, focusing on the sensation of the fabric against my skin. I thought about what had happened, about my feelings for Louis, about the uncertainty of the future. And for the first time, I felt like I could face it all. I was still afraid, still unsure of what lay ahead. But I felt like I could handle it, no matter what happened.